Muchin's diary of recover; becoming debt free and being happy

Munchin

Morning all

I've joined NSKs August challenge and am ready to go -

Money August

Groceries: £0/£150
Misc: £16/£150
Diesel - £0/£180
SFD -0/20

I'm now reading "A girl called Jack" blog for recipes and although I had debt I was never in her position and it's very scary that if circumstances change how easily it is to have nothing.

Unfortunately today is going to be a spend day as I'm counting all my nephews classes for the month as one (£16) .

I am out to lunch for a leaving do but I can claim it back. I'm also going to pop to Mr Ts to get odds for lunch and the weekend. My car says it has 20 miles of diesel left and I need to drive 40 today:o. I have put £10 in my pink pig purse (pressie from nephew) for my treats.

I also have an appointment with a counsellor this morning_pale_, and I'm now starting to worry. I'm worried that going to see her might not work and I'm worried as I don't know what to expect. However I know I can't carry on with my head where it is. Yes I've come a long way but I want to be "normal":D. I don't have to visit her until 9 but my body clock has me awake at 6 as usual.

Have a good day everyone:D

Munchin

Evening everyone,

I went to the counsellor....it's hard to say as that was only my first visit and I'm booked in for 5 more sessions. She started explaining about cognitive behavioural therapy and showed me that although I thought my action (binge) came first - it was actually my thought (I'm fat/useless) that came first and I have to become aware of that. This evening I started thinking about food when I wasn't hungry etc and I was able to stop and think what had happened or what thought occurred that was making me want to eat and it stopped me:). Very early days but we'll see. I know that my relationship with OH is not ideal and she worked that ouy pretty quickly - I want more than he can give. My heart was racing even touching on that.

So sorry for long post about me:o but it helps.

I mentioned that I was going to donate money to a food bank but I didn't think there were any near me. I was so surprised when I looked it up and there is a food bank within 2 miles of my work and banks throughout N Ireland. It is a very scary time we live in.

So on the money front - ok I spent £5.63 in Mr Ts on cereal bars and coffee. I also spent £51.78 on diesel.

I managed to save money. I bought a pair of black hiking trousers last year and to be honest they were snug when I bought them and now they are beyond snug. I was going to buy a new pair as I wanted them for hiking next weekend. I spoke to my sister who works in the shop I got them in and she says as I still have the tags on them and they've never been worn then she will change them:D

Munchin

Ok someone boot me of this computer:), I have a lot of things to do today and I'm procrastinating but it is important to keep up to date with diaryland:o.

Ok spends yesterday (still chasing my elusive 1st SFD for August). I popped to shops yesterday -

Lidl - £11.07
Chinese - £5.80
Alkehol - £4.99 for OH

Total spends - £21.86


Money August

Groceries: £27.49/£150
Misc: £16/£150
Diesel - £51.78/£180
SFD -0/20

I always spend a bit more at the start of the month however I am expecting £170 in travel expenses by the end of next week so that isn't too bad.

Plans today

• Clean kitchen
• Hoover living room
• Clean bathroom
• Go for run:)
• Pile of ironing:(
• Pick up nephew no 2 from footy practice and take both nephews to park
• Exchange trousers in sisters shop
• Window shop for holiday clothes as last years shorts are snug (as Mara posted before "That's the calories, they Live in your wardrobe and sew up the seams in your clothes. Nasty little beastie")

Ok ok I'm away to start on the kitchen. Have a good day everyone:D

Munchin

Ok update so far

Munchin wrote: »

Plans today

• [STRIKE]Clean kitchen[/STRIKE] - done:D
  
• [STRIKE]Hoover living room[/STRIKE] - done:D
  
• [STRIKE]Clean bathroom[/STRIKE] - done:D
• Go for run:)
• Pile of ironing:(
• Pick up nephew no 2 from footy practice and take both nephews to park
• Exchange trousers in sisters shop
• Window shop for holiday clothes as last years shorts are snug (as Mara posted before "That's the calories, they Live in your wardrobe and sew up the seams in your clothes. Nasty little beastie")

Munchin

Hi all

I've been very active this morning and am about to jump in the shower. I have everything done that I can do at the minute and now just going to take it easy:)

Munchin wrote: »

Plans today

• [STRIKE]Clean kitchen[/STRIKE] - done:D
  
• [STRIKE]Hoover living room[/STRIKE] - done:D
  
• [STRIKE]Clean bathroom[/STRIKE] - done:D
  
• [STRIKE]Go for run[/STRIKE]:) - 2.5 miles in 30 mins (slow but getting there:D)
  
• [STRIKE]Pile of ironing[/STRIKE]:( - done:D
  
• [STRIKE]Pick up nephew no 2 from footy practice and take both nephews to park[/STRIKE] - done
• Exchange trousers in sisters shop - not done as they didn't have any that I liked so will hold on until they are back in Sept
  
• Window shop for holiday clothes as last years shorts are snug (as Mara posted before "That's the calories, they Live in your wardrobe and sew up the seams in your clothes. Nasty little beastie")- no time
  

I've promised to take Nephew no 2 to an indoor play area while we wait to pick up No1 nephew. Honestly the noise in those places drive me nuts so bringing my headphones and breaking into my £10 treat note for a mag to hide behind:)

Munchin

Hi all

Final check in for today. I am shattered but happy. I ended up cutting the hedges which took me 2 hours but they are finally done:).

I did have spends which I expected but when you have 2 nephews tagging along the spends go up -

• Adventure place thing - £8.75
• Groceries - 17.27

Total - £26.02


OH is buying dinner tonight and I expect to get a few SFD from tomorrow on.

wantabetterlife

Hope the counselling is going well munchin

Munchin

Hi WBL, 2nd visit to counsellor yesterday and I feel that she is really helping. I'm surprised how she has picked up on some habits and behaviours that I do that I'm not really aware of. For example I fill my time constantly as a coping behaviour but I need to examine what I'm trying to avoid. I'm to cut back on all my evening activities this week (circuits/running/reading blogs:eek:) as an experiment. I've been given a chart to log what I do during the week. I've already got a busy day planned already :o but I will try again tomorrow.

I had a spendy day yesterday:o -

£4.99 alcohol for OH
£5.80 chinese
£5.78 Lidl

Total - £16.57

Today's plans (don't tell my counsellor:o)

• shops (cheap holiday clothes - TKmaxx & Primark:))
• Pilates
• Asda
• Clean kitchen
• Hoover living room

Tomorrow I will have a more relaxing day and try to "sit in the present" and maybe read a book. My heart has started to race already - maybe my counsellor has a point

Munchin

Hi all

I know I haven't been here since last Sat but I've been about. My counsellor asked me to cut down time on the blogs and my other "coping activities". Well what a pants week this has been:o.

I basically have felt nervous & anxious all week. I have overate. I have a killer headache today which probably due to all the carp I've ate this week. Ok the counsellor was right but I don't have a clue how to stop this behaviour.

Anyhow I'm due to see her tomorrow and hopefully after that the incredible knot in my chest might lift.

Money front - not so bad. Frittering a wee bit but doing ok. Sorry this isn't a positive post but I'm getting there:)

Munchin

Morning all

I've just been over to the August challenge board so some of this post is a cheeky copy and paste jobby .

I saw my counsellor yesterday and she was fantastic. I went into my meeting with my chest tight and sore and feeling nervous - which I think was a build up of all the tension of the week. I did have some realisations - yes I have coping mechanisms- I have to keep myself busy and find it hard to relax. I now have to work on accepting myself and relaxing and it is ok to go to circuits etc but it is also ok not to bother if I don't want to. Only do it if I enjoy it:).

I also use food as a coping mechanism - If I'm stressed, upset etc then I turn to food. I have stopped the purging and really I suppose I have stopped the binging but I do overeat at times and get so stressed and internalise all this hate. My family have a few alcoholics on my dad's side (Granda & 2 uncles), although I'm not an alcoholic I am using food in a similar way to an alcoholic and I've been trying to be 100% cured. My counsellor suggested that alcoholics and drug addicts are not 100% cured as they have to be mindful of falling back. I may be the same - she put the suggestion out there and it took me a while to work out where she was going. I hope this is making sense. The realisation that my default is always to reach for food for comfort is actually ok - I just have to be mindful of it. The pressure just lifted:D.

I also established that I hate conflict and I will run at the first sign of this but I need to stop this. It will take me a while to get there but I am starting to recognise triggers and behaviours that although obvious now - I totally missed.

Anyhow back to the money - my Misc budget is gone....how many of you have factored in paying for your Xmas dinner in August:eek:. I heard on the radio that one of the shops in Belfast have their selection boxes out - I kid you not. That will be my last reference to Xmas until Dec. I also used part of this budget to pay for accommodation in Italy in Oct:D ( this was put on the credit card as it is cashback but paid off immediately:A). I'm going to pilates now and taking nephew to one of those Jungle Jim things later.

I'm heading to the shops but I have £30 of OHs money in my pocket.

Money August

Groceries: £95.84/£150
Misc: £[STRIKE]150/£150 [/STRIKE]
Diesel - £150.25/£180
SFD -6/20