A new 'tougher' thread... and so it continues

Possession

Fuddle you did so well to talk with the Head despite the panic attack. Have you been taught techniques to help deal with the onset of one such as breathing exercises? Something which helped DH in more public situations is to have an elastic band around your wrist which you can 'ping'. it helps distract your body from the physical side of the panic attack I think but it did work for him. And if it makes you feel better he was really really bad with panic attacks a couple of years ago but now is virtually free of them.

I'm very lucky that I can work from home which allows me to pick up the children etc. My sister has just taken redundancy at the end of maternity leave for her 2nd child because they can't afford the childcare for two - it would be almost her entire salary. Neither of us live near enough my parents for them to take care of the children, and while we live near enough DH's parents both of them still work (their own business) even though they are over 70. My children go to stay with my parents for a week in the summer holidays which is great for me as the 6 week holiday tends to stretch and who can take 6 weeks off? Usually they go to holiday club for a week too but this year we can't afford it and DH is out of work so he can do some stuff with them, otherwise they just have to stay home with me.

GreyQueen

My Mum went back to work when I was 9 and brother was 7. It was part-time at a factory literally 3 mins' walk from home but she'd take the pushbike so she could shave that down to 1 minute. She'd be there for us when we got home from school.

The first summer she was back at work, our childminder (30 yards from home) charged her so much that she ended up with nothing to show for the work. Every school break (Xmas, Easter etc) the childminder's fees went up and Mum's wages didn't.

The second summer holiday Mum told her employer she wasn't working for 6 weeks to give it all to the childminder (and then some) and not see us so they arranged that she'd quit and re-start. She is and always has been a darned hard worker and they didn't want to lose her. I don't think "term time contracts" existed back then, or if they did, they never crossed our world.

It got a bit easier as we got older. We were always sensible kids, not prone to swigging bleach or playing with matches, even when crawling. Mum gradually expanded her hours, changed jobs, worked hard into her sixties.

Thing was, women like my mother never had careers. She worked from 15 until 21 and quit when 7 months along with me. The expectation was that you married and Hubby worked and you kept house. Some working-class women even quit on marriage, with no baby in prospect, and no one thought that this was odd/ lazy/whatever. The downside of this was evident when my parents were, as an engaged couple, trying to find somewhere to live.

They couldn't get a council house as you weren't even allowed on the list until you were married (this is just over 50 years ago btw ). They weren't going to get married until they had somewhere to live. There were cottages standing empty and they tracked down the owners (farmers and big estates) and were told that they couldn't rent them as they might be needed for an employee and they wouldn't be able to get Mum and Dad out, if so, so wouldn't risk letting them. They tried to get a mortgage at a time when you could buy a decent house for £3,000 (Dad took home about £11 a week) and they couldn't get one because Dad didn't earn enough and they wouldn't factor in Mum's wages as married women had babies and would be out of the workforce.

It would have been great to have been looked after by a Granny but it wasn't possible in our case. Mum was taken from her family and raised by fosterparents. They were 50 years older than her and by the time we were born they were very elderly and very ill with cancer. Grandad died whilst I was a babe in arms, and Grandma passed whilst I was still a wee girl.

The other grandparents lived 15 miles away. All of us lived in villages, no buses, nobody had transport other than a bicycle or a small moped. The logistics just didn't pan out.

I think a lot of the stuff that the newspapers print about how mothers manage their lives is just plain spiteful nonsense. I work with many younger women who are having to cobble together family and paid childcare and they would much rather be with their young children full time. Their money isn't being used for beer and skittles; it's being added to their partner's or hubbie's earnings to keep a roof over their heads, food on the plates and to have heat.

Berating people for the choices they make, when mostly they don't have real choice and are just making the best of a bad job, is wickedness, pure and simple.

The car alarm which has been crazing me for the past several minutes has finally stopped. JOY!

fuddle

I learn so much from you all. I find myself so interested in the different perspectives, it makes me look at things in a different way.

My DD is at her new school for the day right now. I just hope it's sorted out. I'm not doing too well myself, I'm shaky and lethargic. I'm worrying. I could do with some company right now but I've no one to tap into today. One good thing is I'm off to see the nurse soon at the doctors so at least I'll be in the right place if I have a wobble. :cool:

No I've never been taught any techniques but going to look ino it tday, along with an online self help group. Thanks for the suggestions.

OS, housework and frugality is way off my radar today. I'm putting all my energies in just getting through the day. I need to make an evening meal. Meal plan says sausage, chips, carrots and onion gravy. Thank goodness it's not too taxing today.

Evie74_2

I think a lot of the stuff that the newspapers print about how mothers manage their lives is just plain spiteful nonsense. I work with many younger women who are having to cobble together family and paid childcare and they would much rather be with their young children full time. Their money isn't being used for beer and skittles; it's being added to their partner's or hubbie's earnings to keep a roof over their heads, food on the plates and to have heat.

Berating people for the choices they make, when mostly they don't have real choice and are just making the best of a bad job, is wickedness, pure and simple.

GQ - you put that so much eloquently and simply than I could have done; it's exactly how I feel and I am sick of people judging my "choice" to go back to work when my children were/are small. I am so, so grateful to my mum for the many unpaid hours' service that she puts in during the school holidays, because although my employers are flexible in an emergency, there is no way I would be able to take off enough time/juggle my hours about sufficiently to make sure the children were looked after in all the holidays.

I do feel guilty that my mum has to help as much as she does. She says that she enjoys it; she's certainly very close to the girls and they love being with her and my stepdad. I don't know whether she feels she's missing out on "me time" - most of her friends are active grannies doing much the same thing.

I am home alone this morning for the first time in years! Little DD has gone to school for the morning :eek: because it's transfer day. I ought to be catching up with housework or doing something useful, but I've decided to take 1/2 hour and have a coffee and a quick surf on the net in this strange, silent house.

Evie xx

Popperwell

One technique that may be mentioned Fuddle and I know it may seem simple and that it may not work is...very deep breathing...Taking a slow deep breath in...holding it slightly and then letting it slowly out. And who can remember being told to breathe into a brown paper bag?

[Deleted User]

I think it might be PREPAREATHOME's BIRTHDAY -- Happy Birthday PAH hope you have a lovely day Cheers Lyn x.

Popperwell

Happy Birthday PAH...

Hope you find something nice to do or just have a nice day!

Evie74_2

Happy Birthday PAH!!

Evie xx

Mrs_Chip

:j:j:beer: Birthday Greetings PAH! :beer::j:j

Kittikins

Happy Birthday PAH, hope you have a fabulous day x