A new 'tougher' thread... and so it continues

fuddle

Aw pooky, there's so many stories of need for the benefits system. I too feel the guilt you know. The guilt of being a stay at home mum. I feel like I should not do my mummy duties because I should be earning money. I feel tarred with the same brush as some women who... I can't be judgemental but I know what I mean.

I've had a wobble tonight. I've been to my daughter's new junior school meeting. I saw the children that were in her class. It was all the children who she's had issues with, the more bolshy ones and all her friends were in the other class. She wouldn't have had any body and I know my daughter she would really struggle. I said to one of the mum's that I was worried and she said that maybe I should go talk to the headteacher when she was finished her speech. I sat for nearly an hour not at all listening to what she was saying, worrying. When the time came to talk to the head I could feel myself going, my hands were shaking uncontrollably and I had tears coming from my eyes. I glared at another mum, who also has panic attacks, for help and she came over. Another of the mum's who knows the situation came in for support. One spoke for me as I couln't speak and the other one asked did I want a beta blocker that she takes when she has a bad attack. I said yes (stupid I know but I needed to talk to the lady and calm myself down) within minutes I was pulling myself round and able to talk. They are going to try their best to accomodate my little girl's friendship groups. She said normally they wouldn't just swap children on parents whim but could see I was deeply upset by it. I feel absolutely mortified. It's the first time I have done that in public. I'm scared that I will do it in public again. Panic attacks normally are connected to my children or husband's safety. Why I did it this time I do not know. I'm very confused and very embarrassed. I left saying I hope that she didn't think I was acting and putting on the tears to get my own way and that I'm normally a very level headed, grounded, quiet person.

smileyt_2

Hugs all round, Byatt, Pooky, Popperwell, Kezlou and everyone else.

Greyqueen I have just been reading an article on Spanish slugs mating with our own and producing superstrong slugs as a result. I thought that would make you happy .....

Have just spent the last hour or so searching the jobsites. The wages on offer are appalling. Minimum wage for working in care homes or looking after autistic children or autistic adults! I think that is just a pure insult both to the workers and to the people being cared for. I saw one job at £8.00/hour for managing a care home! I'm not surprised standards are so low - not only are these jobs highly stressful and responsible, but being paid a low wage would mean inevitably that staff are struggling to make ends meet and stressed about that too - something's bound to give! And yet these are the workers who can make or break a user's life with their skills and attitude. Compare that with £100,000/annum for a consultant's post at the hospital - I know they are highly skilled, trained to the hilt, ultra-experienced and have people's lives in their hands, but the difference is staggering.

I'm feeling a bit low. I have two degrees (a BSc Hons and a Masters) but ill-health meant I missed out on getting my feet on the 'career ladder' in my twenties and early thirties. I've been looking at retraining. I thought of dietetics, or occupational therapy, (as I have good people skills and there are NHS bursaries available) but the courses for those are at Universities miles away and I wouldn't have the mental energy to cope with four hours or more on public transport plus days at Uni, and getting to placements by public transport would be impossible.

Sorry to moan. I know there are lots worse off than me. In many ways my depression and break-down have been the making of me because they have taught me what is important in life. In other ways I curse, curse, curse them because they really have restricted me. I had a tenants' panel meeting today for a couple of hours, and when I came home I went to bed for a couple of hours because I was just so tired. That's the part of me that no-one ever sees and why I have to be so careful with working hours - but of course it is nearly impossible to progress whilst working part-time! The work I do at the moment (well, during the term times when the students are here) mean that if I get up and I know I can't face the day, I can call in sick and there is no come-back except that I don't get any pay. I try not to do this because I don't like giving in.


Anyway. I do apologise if I freaked anyone out with the Barbie dolls :rotfl:. I never for a moment imagined anyone would find them freaky! Would Action Man be any less freaky? :rotfl:

And finally .... yesterday I was subject to 5000 questions from a five-year old about my dogs. Best question - "Why is Bruno's nose sweaty?" No-one's ever asked me that before! :rotfl:

ETA Fuddle she can probably tell the difference between parents who are acting up and parents who are genuine. Well done for going through with it. And it was concerned with your little girl's psychological safety so that's probably why you had the panic attack. I'm glad the other mums supported you. I don't know what to suggest about how to stop it happening again. Is there a panic attack society you can contact online for help?

Popperwell

You did very well Fuddle and don't feel guilty for the way you reacted. Panic attacks are no fun. Well done you...
The same being a stay at home Mum.

If you are unable to work for medical reasons someone is in a roundabout way watching over you and your family because you are their for your children and if they want a well rounded family and children to grow up with the right morals and love in their hearts you are providing it.

There could be a time when you will and can work but lets get you better first. After all the Government want parents out working and the children in school, nurseries or using expensive schemes as soon as possible these days. But they are always ready to criticise a home where the children are not being watched.

They can't have it all ways...

Found some jackets and raincoats(some mine, some Mum's)but they fit me and I think I can wear them as they are or after a run through the washer.

A couple are fleese coats(Ok one is tan, One is blue and one is green...)I don't care.

Mum had a lovely(and I never remember her ever doing this before)she spent I think £100 on a lovely tan leather jacket at Lakeland(Happy Times)I had just passed my Driving test and I drove all the way to Keswick for a day out, think that was in 1984...

I was just going to hang it up but if I find that it fits...I'm going to wear it. I have a feeling it could be too small.

Popperwell

SmileyT,
I agree with all that you say. Sorry that my response is short but your post is so well put and you are as important as anyone and you are right they will say there is more to life than work bu t they put all the obsticles possible in the way so work is the be all and end all of everything often because we have no choice.

A site like this brings together, lets be honest people in different situatuations and the media would say classes:mad: it's likely we would not meet "Out There" We are qualified and unqualified, working/not working/ill/well paid/low paid and yet when everyone starts to talk you realise how many of us are the same and have the same thoughts, joys, fears and worries.

We're back to the assumptions that are made especially by the media and politicians...

kezlou

Fuddle sounds like yu had a panic brought on by stress and fear of your daughter being in a class with people who are not very nice.

I felt embarrassed to, the last time i had a meeting with the ed psych i did the same thing. I was on my own and terrified, luckily i had the SENco and ds2's learning support mentor who were both amazing and helped me through the whole process.

you did amazing well fuddle! Be proud of yourself:T

Well looks like my OH won't be back for another couple of weeks, turns out the job he's on is being a pain. I have to wait in for a delivery tomorrow thats being delivered to the wrong address. So lots of fun and games tomorrow. Guess its an excuse to work done or my case dodging the tidying

fuddle

Popperwell, I gave up my job to look after my kids. I walked out on my career, a decision that lead to our financial mess but I couldn't forsee the drop in my DH's wage back then.

I am mum and DH brings home the money. I am studying a degree so I can go into teaching so I have a plan for the future. I'm doing my job and while we can break even I'll keep doing it. I've done Body Shop parties to supplement our income in really bad patches, something I hated and was useless at but I did it. My mental health isn't stopping me from working. I just want to be a mum while my kids are young. That's the guilty thing.. I want. At least when my grandma was a young mum it was expected that it be her job. These days I feel like stay at home mums are thought of as yummy mummies or layabouts. I'm neither. Just a mum who keeps the house.

GreyQueen

smileyt wrote: »

Hugs all round, Byatt, Pooky, Popperwell, Kezlou and everyone else.

Greyqueen I have just been reading an article on Spanish slugs mating with our own and producing superstrong slugs as a result. I thought that would make you happy .....

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:


Hun, I really hope you're pulling my leg there, because the reality of slugs being made any worse is just disgusting. But, how on earth are they getting together? Do Brit slugs go on hols to Costa Packet and have it away with dark-eyed senor/ senorita slugs? Eager minds are boggling over here.

Re the jobs market, you look at them and think, they are having a blinking larf, don't you? Do they expect that working people should live in hovels in the parks and eat thrice a week? Seems like it from what they are willing to pay. Then they scratch their heads and wonder why the shops etc are doing badly.

People with no experience of real life, as it is lived by the vast majority, are running this country. Scary times. And the blinking slugs are rampaging all over my food crops, too. It's a conspiracy, that's what it is. Grr!

ETA fuddle, back when my parents were young, it was expected that even farm labourers and building labourers would "keep" their wives at home as SAHMs. Anything else was unthinkable. You have a full-time job raising your children and running your home. Your OH couldn't do his job without you doing yours. You're like two horses in a chariot, galloping in the same direction and that direction is your future as a family. You'll only have one chance to enjoy your childrens' childhood, there will be multiple chances for everything else. Ignore the nay-sayers and the detractors who stick their noses into your life and enjoy the moments. Years gallop past and you can't get them back again. Be a Mum to the power 10 and enjoy it. Life will change soon enough. Then there will be time for other things..........and grandbabies.

kezlou

at the moment i'm classed as a stay at home mum, over the past eight years i left uni, couldn't afford to go and being asked asked to pay them ten grand to go back. Er no thanks i dont have that kind of money.

I'm determined to go back and complete my last year, but its so hard. As for childcare costs i had to turn down four part time jobs over the past two as i couldn't afford the childcare. I have to get an extra person in watch my 12 yr old from 3:30 to 6:30pm and both till 9pm if took on the jobs. Its just a nightmare.

But hopefully i'll get some full time work or well paid part time work and all will be well again. In the mean time i'll still keep doing the admin, warehouse run and stock takes for the business. I like it and i least i dont have to pay childcare costs.

slugs arghhh dont they've eating evrything in my yard!!:mad::mad::mad:

Mrs_Veg_Plot

Fuddle you did really well speaking to the teachers about your daugthers class and not being with her friends especially as you did not know any of the teachers you should be proud of yourself :j. It is important to ease their transition into secondary education as much as possible. What great support you got from the other mums as well.

Have finally managed to finish the ironing, just need to put it all way now. Made a chicken risotto for tea tonight with left over chicken from the Sunday roast. Not sure what to do with the rest of the meat for tomorrow night, there is too much chicken left on it to make soup (will make soup on Wed) but not enough to serve up for four without bulking it out with something else.

I cannot use my thanks button again today hopefully will be able to use it tomorrow.

I think I have found a lot of those super slugs when we pulled back the tarp on acouple of sections on the second lottie, there were loads of hugh slugs, much bigger than the four frogs we found under it. We need some super frogs to eat the super slugs .

Hope you all have a good day tomorrow.


Mrs VP

grandma247

Gq I did wonder how they were getting together then thought maybe in plant pots brought to our shops?

Fuddle being a mother is probably the most important job in the world. Bringing up the next generation to be productive, law abiding all round citizens has never been so vital so don't you put yourself down. And well done on doing something that will help you get a job later when YOU feel the time is right.

I did not work outside the home for the first 15 years of my marriage and when I did go out to work I started at the kids school first, cleaning and doing other bits and pieces there. I then went into care work in a home. It was a heck of a lot better paid than care work is here twenty years on. When we moved here I did private care work until about 3 years ago when my health broke down due to doing nights. During all that time my kids came first.

Smiley all I can offer is (((hugs))).