A new 'tougher' thread... and so it continues

smileyt_2

Happy Birthday, PAH! xxx I hope your doggies give you extra birthday kisses

Just been to the Job Centre. The guy was nice enough but he was very clear that if I didn't apply for 6-14 jobs/fortnight I wouldn't get any benefit. If my appeal fails I shall just stop signing on and stuff the NI Contributions, my pension is up the wall anyway. Of course I will look for work but I just hate feeling as if I'm back at school and can't be trusted! I guess the rules are there because a lot of people can't be trusted.

The security guard was lovely. When I got there I was really hot (from cycling) and there was nowhere to sit; I was feeling a bit woozy so I went to stand by an open window to cool down (perhaps I'm starting the menopause and it was my first hot flush, I certainly felt like I was burning!!). Anyway, apparently we are not allowed beyond the desks so I was asked to move. However, when I explained how I was feeling and promised that I wasn't going to trash or steal anything he let me stay, and fetched me a glass of water. I think he was terrified that I was going to faint on him. I have always been really polite to the security guards (I reckon they probably see a lot of aggro and they're only trying to earn a crust like everyone else), so I think that's one reason he was kind to me. I'm back again on Monday to see the disability advisor so I shall make sure I thank him again.

Fuddle - dunking biccies in tea is a time-honoured OS tradition and recommended medicine for toughies who need a short period to re-gird their loins ..... .

Ginnyknit thankyou, I will let you know if I need help with the petrol thing. I think I am actually a bit scared of petrol pumps because they seem so big!

Byatt

update: DWP called back, from a Liverpool office! Yes, they have underpaid me by dedcucting OccP, but can't refund the amount due as it has gone to the collection side of things, (they are deducting what they thought was an overpayment since last Nov, and I supposedly owed them from Sept to nov), anyway, I have to wait, and she didn't know how long said dept would take as they were separate. Sigh.

Now I have the job of sorting out HB/CTB...

The front line troops on the phone have no idea about a lot of legislation; I have been told incorrect info on several occasions.

I am still thinking of writing to MP...(could you give me any tips please?) because I can't be the only one.

meme30

xx:bdaycake: Happy Birthday! PAH :bdaycake: xx

No idea here Byatt, but you go for it,,,they are a bunch of ....bananas:rotfl:

VJsmum

Evie74 wrote: »

Good evening all

I've finally managed to turf DH off the PC and have a little catch up on MSE!

Fuddle - well done for going to speak to the headteacher. I suffer from panic attacks too and I know how utterly overwhelming they are. You did so well to hold it together enough to speak up for your daughter.

What you said about feeling guilty resonated with me; I feel guilty because I can't stay at home with my girls. Much as I would love to be a SAHM, the figures just don't stack up unless I go to work as well. So I work the minimum number of hours I can, so that we as a family can break even (and maybe save a tiny bit for a rainy day), but I am still home in the afternoons for the children.

I find that media articles seem to berate women for heartlessly dumping their babies in child care whilst waltzing off, footloose and fancy free, and with nary a backward glance, to selfishly climb the career ladder. These articles speak of the untold damage such cold-hearted mothers are doing to their children and speak of the long term ill-effects that early years child care will cause.

I think the fact that you see all the articles claiming that all stay-at-home mums are either benefits scroungers or "yummy mummies" probably means two things:-

1. We see the articles which directly criticize us, but somehow never notice the ones which support us. Mothers are genetically programmed to feel guilty about something, and the media plays on that; and

2. Most newspapers just make it up as they go along.

The truth is that we all strive to do the best we can for our families. We are never going to be perfect, but we can be good enough. In an ideal world, parents would have more choice about balancing both the needs of our children and the financial side of things. But this isn't an ideal world, and we all have to find a way that works for us.

And if the Da!ly Ma!l doesn't like it, tough.

Oh dear. I seem to have got on my soapbox... sorry! Perhaps I'd better go to bed now. I hope I haven't offended anyone

*Slinks away quietly*

Evie xx

I think you are spot on here - we all do what we have to to make our families work. I gave up my job when I had DD as I was often working till 7 - 8 pm and I wouldn't have seen her. I decided that I wanted to teach and soon after having her did a 730 teaching certificate. i got a lucky break from a friend and began working 1 day a week from when she was 5 months old. It was the saving of us - although not financially - as I was crawling the walls with boredom and PND. I know that one isn't supposed to find ones babies boring but, well, they are aren't they?

Since then I have always worked 2 / 2.5 days a week and she is nearly 16. Believe it or not DS was timed to coincide with me returning to work in September and only missing half a semester! (we did plan it that way and luckily DS knew the score!:D) I had a few child minders but the last one we had for 9 years and she was terrific. I am lucky being a university teacher as the job is extremely flexible. Aside from about 5 hours teaching per week I can work the other 13.5 hours around the family so if one is ill or someone needs to do somehitng in the house or deliver something I can generally be there. I have rarely missed a sports day, a nativity or a school concert (occasionally that is mores the pity :rotfl:). It is also a reasonably well paid job, which is a bonus!

Now they are older I have more flexibility to be away and have had some lovely oversees visits. I have taken students to Dubai, Paris, Prague, Stockholm and have just returned from a conference in Montreal, canada. Any time I look for a different job I am :eek: at the salaries and the expectations. So I am keeping my head down and my mouth as shut as I am able (i.e. not very ) thank my lucky stars and try to ignore the bad bits. OH has always been very good and encouraged me to take the overseas opportunities, just as well as in September I am off to do some teaching in Korea. This should pay for a winter holiday for us. OH has had his time away too - every year he has holidayed with his pals as well as having overseas work. We have no family near by but my very close friend from home lives half a mile away (home is 200 miles away!!) and we help each other out.

Happy Birthday PAH.

I am jet lagged today (I know, poor me). I had little over 10 hours sleep in 3 days until last night. I returned from Canada yesterday. I slept 9 hours last night, but it still isn't enough. DS is off with swollen and infected glands (or he missed his mummy!) and DD is on the second of 2 trial days at her new 6th form. Fortunately she seems to like it! SHe is going to Oxford University tomorrow for a visit. She doesn't want to go (though potentially she may be able to) but thought it was a good opportunity to get to know others better as she doesn't know anyone else going to the 6th form.

DD was in charge of the house last week - I told her she would be paid for being "Housekeeper". She took it to heart - doing 3 loads of washing a day (don't know where she found it all - I don't do 3 loads a day!), shopping, cooking and cleaning. We are giving her £10 a day (I know, right!! Minimum wage? What's that??:rotfl:)

Still it is strange coming home after a week - I have found some manky stuff in the fridge :eek: the bathrooms haven't been cleaned, and there is little food in. Still, never mind, it is a small price to pay for a week in Montreal. Just think 2 days ago i was at the jazz festival sitting in the 30+ degree heat and sunshine having a beer. It was a great conference :rotfl: (seriously conference was excellent but finished on friday so we had a couple of free days.)

[Deleted User]

Hey FUDDLE - hope you have found your feet again by now. You' re a brave little battler when it comes to your family and it must have taken you all your resolution to talk to the new teachers. You have the right to speak out in defence of your DD so don't feel guilty. Hopefully you have just ensured her a happy time at school.

When my youngest started school she was put in a class with a very 'old school' teacher who only did 'tough', forget the love bit. Her idea of discipline was to push the child and chair against the wall and then push the table up so close they couldn't move!!!!!!!! DD was terrified and one horrid day I caught her as she hurtled out of the school gate on to a very busy road at 10 past 9 having escaped. Talking to the teacher concerned did NOTHING whatsoever so I went to the head. I got the usual guff about children knowing their place and having to accept discipline etc. etc. So I offered to move both the girls to another school - they most definately did not want this, so very grudgingly agreed to move DD2 up a year. She took off like a bird, and three weeks later the head called me in to appologise as she said, the little one was taking in knowledge like a sponge and up with the top kiddies in that class who were 6 or 7. You are in the right of it to fight for what you know is best for your girlie. Much respect to you for doing and not just moaning!!!!!! Hats off to you girlie - well done love from Lyn and her boy xxx.

jackel

A very happy birthday PAH jacxx

Popperwell

fuddle wrote: »

Happy Birthday pah

pah I've been out this morning. I've been to the nurse and the school/nursery drop off's and took the dog over the fields. I've spent a long time on the dog training him today, it's helped take my mind off it. I'll be alright. I'm stubborn and if these start to take mover my life well I'll be down to that surgery quick sharpish to get help. Maybe my counselling in the next few months will help too. Popperwell I have a few paper bags in the cupboard for when it's very bad. Last nights didn't really see me hyperventilating just crying and the hand shaking.

Feel like I should post something though or OS as I'm really off topic but the truth is I'm doing nothing... would dunking digestives in a cup of tea be OS enough?

That's a very good idea;)

I've had depression in the past(Know what I used to worry over as a child?)Not having Mum and Dad around...and here I am managing reasonably well(I may not like it but...)I have had briefly a panic attack so I can imagine and empethise(sp?)and I have seen others who have it. So I do understand.

Off topic? I don't think you/we are a lot of this is because of the situation we find ourselves or will and you need somewhere to discuss the original reason this thread exists but also to offer support to get through it. It also helps others and we do keep returning to why this is here...

My little panic attack recently was perhaps a month ago when it hit me that I will never ever see Mum again or be able to talk to her and hear her voice but of course without going "over the top" I do still talk to Mum.:)

Popperwell

GreyQueen wrote: »

Happy Birthday PAH!


Popperwell, I know what you mean. I listen to the politicians and find myself thinking aloud; "Is THIS the best we can do?!"

My MP seems to be an idiot. I don't know him personally, but the stuff he comes out with seems to suggest he might be a fool as well as a conniving and dishonest so-and-so. He's already done-down enough of the consituents to make it highly likely that he will lose the next election (majority of a few hundred only) so I live in hopes of seeing the back of him. Not that I voted for him in the first place.............

Not much to choose from here either and the bounderies are being changed again...which they say will make it easier for some parties to win...besides this constituency was the one that supported Tony Blair.

Popperwell

smileyt wrote: »

Just been to the Job Centre. The guy was nice enough but he was very clear that if I didn't apply for 6-14 jobs/fortnight I wouldn't get any benefit. If my appeal fails I shall just stop signing on and stuff the NI Contributions, my pension is up the wall anyway. Of course I will look for work but I just hate feeling as if I'm back at school and can't be trusted! I guess the rules are there because a lot of people can't be trusted.

I have no idea what I will get if I survive long enough to get a pension. So will probably be in the same boat. They'll have to give me something but officially I cannot retire for another 12 years and if he keeps putting that back...

How many places can you apply seriously? And eventually you'll just be writing to the same places? Many of "us" could not manage long journeys in other areas especially if you have to use buses or taxi's because of medical reasons, the service being poor and the cost being too high especially as the job will probably pay a rubbish wage.

That's exactly how you feel when dealing with many Government Departments.

fuddle

I have recovered from the wobble now. I picked DD up and she was beaming from ear to ear. She had enjoyed her trip to her new school and was in the class with all her old friends. It is a relief. I am so shy MrsL, I don't normally make a fuss and get so embarrassed if I win so much as the school raffle! I guess the panic came from the knowing I had to say something for my DD but I really didn't want to.

Anyway... till the next flakey moment :rotfl: