Getting rid of baby's things, after a loss

lollyb84

Nothing more to add, just wanted to say, I'm sorry for your loss. xxx

clairec79

Give yourself (both of you) time to grieve and come to terms with it.

If you have the room I'd probably leave things where they are and shut the door - my nephew was stillborn at 38 weeks last year, it was about a month after his birth that my SIL went into what was to be his room and broke down, I don't know what they did with his things, or when, but I know there is no right or easy answer. His christmas present from us is still in our attic because I can't bring myself to do anything with it

I'm so sorry for you, noone should have to bury a child

Toomuchdebt

I got rid of some things, kept others...it's a very personal decision. {{{hugs}}} to you.

mammyof7

Stayingupright, I cant even find the words to say how sorry I am on the loss of your little girl. My baby died 4 years ago this Christmas, and I know pain is unimaginable.

In my situation I knew My son was very ill for months before he was born. He was a full term baby. I never bought any baby equipment as he was never expected to leave hospital, but I do treasure more than anything his clothes,photo,s and all other memento's. I even still sign his name on the other kids birthday cards (he is STILL my son).

I would certainly recommend storing your daughters things until you are able to come to a proper decision about them. Three weeks is still so raw and once the things are gone they can never be replaced.

I have just recently thrown out all my older sons baby clothes. They were like new but to me they were "Luca's clothes" and to have given them to another baby would have just been wrong. I felt the same with the baby toys and it took a good couple of years to dispose of them. I was only able to do this as they wer'nt Luca's personal belongings. However this is your baby and only you can make that very personal choice.

I also had a cesarean that went drastically wrong and resulted in no anaesthetic and a hysterectomy. Please make sure you get the answers you need and counselling ( if you want it). I had an appointment with the Dr who did my operation about three weeks later so we could talk through exactly what happened and this helped me a lot.

rach83

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss I know how you're feeling as I lost my first daughter at 41 weeks +6 days in June 2010. My advice to you would be not to be too hasty about removing your baby's things grief is a very complex emotion and it is still very very early days for you. The pain never goes away but things do get easier in time. Thinking of you x

kitty_cat_2

I am so sorry for your loss. Three weeks is still early days and everyone deals with grief differently. I can see it for both you and your husbands perspective. Is there somewhere you can store al baby belongings until you both feel stronger? How would you feel in two months or two years if you got rid of everything? Your dauguter may no longer be with you, but she will ALWAYS be your daughter.

Hugs to you and your family xx

emsywoo123

Like others, nothing to add, but I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how you are feeling xxxx

mumof3plusoh

So very sorry for your loss. Sending many (((hugs to you, OH and your family))) x

brians_daughter

So sorry for your loss. I am a mummy to an angel and i can relate to your pain and confussion.

3 weeks is no time at all, please do not get rid of anything at this unless you are certain (just my opinions) I packed all Darcey's stuff up and put them in storage - not the attic, not mums but a storage facility - that was important for me i dont know why but i wanted it to be 'my' place to go if i so needed.

After about 6 months i felt ready to 'let go' of some of the larger things and i couldnt face giving them away - the thoughts of another child using them was too much to stand for me. I burnt them. Not environmentally or MSE friendly at all but it helped me in some way. I am still not sure 'how' it helped, but it did.

Years on i still have memory boxes clothes, blanket, cards etc that i keep at home in a rather large box. I dont look at them that often now but i know they are there if i need to. I was very concious that if i got rid of everything her siblings would have nothing of hers to remember her by and that for me was important, that we could talk about her and see her things in years to come. All my children know all about their sister and we all talk openly about her at times.

My way wont be the right way for you, but what i am saying is please dont get rid of anything if you do not want to - I know mummys who have needed to get rid of everything as some kind of cleansing process (totally not the right phrase but i cant think of the words i mean) Its each families right and need to do as they need to do in such a situation.

Your oh is delaing with his grief differently to you. IMO it sounds like you need to remember to grieve and he thinks he needs to forget whats happened in order to grieve does that make sense?

You are all in my prayers (no comfort at the moment i know) but you will learn to grow together through this terrible loss and you will come out the other side.

You will always be her mummy and no amount or lack of pessessions can ever take that away from you

lilrahi

I'm so sorry for your loss. The pain never goes away but it wil get easier to live with. You just have to keep going and believe me it'll get easier. There's no set time for grieving.

As for the things maybe you could put them in storage for a while until you've had time to come to terms with your grief? and then you could assess the situation and see what you want to do then.

My SIL suffered 2 stillbirths and each time she said she didn't want to see the baby but I asked for photos and hand prints and I kept them in a keepsake box. Recently she expressed regret that she hadn't seen them and when I was able to provide those photos she was so grateful. She said it was the final step for her and she could finally accept the fact that these children were not meant for her but for God.