please delete.

globetraveller

She says her husband is her soulmate- but that is lie. He doesn't know what is in her soul, she is keeping it from him. She is just a selfish woman. You only have one life and I always think that the partner who is being cheated upon needs the chance to find their true soulmate. How sad would it be to go through your life and then find out that it was all a lie??
There is the possibility that he is turning a blind eye-more fool him if he is.

Emmzi

you can completely love more than 2 people

have a google of polyamory.

BUT polyamory only works where EVERYONE knows they are in that kind of a relationship, otherwise it is just cheating.

Personally I'd drop the friend until hubby knows or gf is gone as I cannot abide liars. And any way you dress it up, that is what it is.

rlc22

I have a friend who was in a similar situation, except the difference was that her husband knew about it. He was also happy with her being with other women, but not other men.

Unsurprisingly it's sadly all gone very wrong lately and as a result she and her husband are splitting up. I suspect that although he said he was happy for her to sleep with other women the reality of the situation was very different.

It's a very sad situation for your friend to be in, but she chose to get married and have children with her husband. If that's not enough for her any more then she should speak to him about it and they should potentially go their separate ways. Sneaking around is never a good idea.

emweaver

raven83 wrote: »

Husband knows she is bi its never been a secret, infact he has had more female lovers than male, oh and its also her best friend ( not me before you ask!)

But if her husband is her childhood sweetheart how has she had more female lovers? Shes cheated more than once?

From the start I suspected it was you and not your friend now Im thinking maybe you are the lover as you have a keen interest and seem to know a hell of a lot about how this woman is feeling considering your not her best friend.

beenstung

emweaver wrote: »

But if her husband is her childhood sweetheart how has she had more female lovers? Shes cheated more than once?

From the start I suspected it was you and not your friend now Im thinking maybe you are the lover as you have a keen interest and seem to know a hell of a lot about how this woman is feeling considering your not her best friend.

Hey, hold up there, this has been an interesting discussion so far. Lets not start jumping to conclusions and having a go at the OP. It could be her sister, 2nd best friend or any one of many other possible situations.

Either way, it isn't any of our business.

The only thing I have doubts about is that she doesn't trust her hubby's reaction enough to be able to talk to him about the situation openly. That rings warning bells with me.

adelight

I think some people can, some people can't. I know someone who was with a guy on/off for 15 years, last I heard she was engaged to another man but this man knows "X will always be in my life" and she spends nights with X when her fiance is away. They've been fine like this for years, and you read about other people who have relationships like that and it works, but I also know three people who tried it and it ruined the friendship between two, the newer relationship of a year and a relationship of 5 years.
It honestly sounds more like lust with your friend though, maybe she is too blind to see that what she's doing is more than likely going to ruin her family.

thorsoak

Maybe your friend should turn the picture round .....how would she feel, if her OH had a male lover whilst still married to her? Would she feel confident in her marriage - that OH might not decide that although they had been childhood sweethearts, his feelings for his male lover might become strong enough to rock their marriage? Could she put up with the deceit involved?

If she would find it hard, then she should take stock of what she is doing to her marriage.

Nara

Personally I don't think humans are designed to be with one person forever.

Thinking back years ago (like cave age times :P) when humans lived as big groups and there was no such thing as marriage, and people didn't know how babies were made :P I'm pretty sure there was alot of sleeping around then, children were born and looked after by the whole group not just mum and 'dad' whoever it may have been.

I think its possible to love more then one person, esp if its a man and woman as I imagine it is a different kind of love for both.

Being Bi-sexual myself but having been with my boyfriend for 13 years I can kinda relate to this woman and how she feels, although i have not been in her situation, but i can see why she feels the way she does.

I love my boyfriend and cannot imagine living my life without him but at the same time i could also imagine being with other people although they would never mean as much to me as him because of the time we have been together and how much we have shared.
I've never had an affair so please don't shoot me down in flames here, im just saying that yes i think u can love more then one person.

But she is playing with fire if her husband has no idea! and it will probably end badly when he finds out

MoneySavingMamma

I know it's wrong, but one other way of looking at it is,

The woman is not happy/fulfilled by her relationship with husband, they have tried to work on it over the years, but being that they were childhood sweethearts they have grown up to diferent people & grown apart. They still love each other & care for each other, but not a perfect or even good match. Therefore life feeling a bit empty, lonely etc, and for years they have papered over these cracks. Perhaps husband is a bit happier than wife, but wife just living an empty life. Maybe wife has asked husband for councelling, 'date nights', weekends away to try & bring it all back, husband not willing to make an effort, content with no 'connection' anymore & wham-bams now & again?

Wife & friend start crossing lines of friendship, & intimacy follows.

Would it be best for the wife to leave husband? The household completely broken, children living in different homes, with the current financial climate it's most likely their level of living would go down dramatically. Wife riddled with guilt, not able to make an actual go of new relationship due to the family problems, husband angry & bitter so not able to come to sensible solutions re: custody, maintenance, etc.

Would it be best for wife to stop meeting friend, go back to empty, unhappy relationship & stay there until the children are old enough, then hope a chance of happiness comes back one day?

Are you supposed to give up on your own happiness completely until your children are 18? Maybe you are, maybe the wife should just stop & put her life on hold until then, because children are the most important thing & she has took vows.

I really don't know, I am only giving a 2nd opinion/view of the situation, but not what I think is right, just interested in discussing.

It would be different again if it was her 3rd/4th affair, because in this case she obviously just craves attention & has no intention in making her relationship work.

I think if my relationship got that bad, and I really couldn't go on with the unhappiness, lack of connection I would want to talk about 'open realtionship' options before breaking up my childs home. I don't think it would actually work, as straight couples would want to go off & set up home together & have more children possibly, but I think I'd put the idea on the table & both have a choice in the matter rather than one or each of us starting an secret affair.

Most importantly, I think breaking up the homelife for the children must be avoided at all costs.

globetraveller

perhaps the husband could find someone to have sex with. then they can both pretend there is nothing wrong.