Just lost my best pal

fawny

Hi,

Sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved springer a few years ago & when I got her ashes back I went out & got a lovely big fancy pot for the garden & a lovely plant & put the casket at the bottom of the plantpot. The plant is beautiful & when I see it I think of her. Might not be your thing but though it might be worth a thought.

rising_from_the_ashes

I can't believe it's 3 weeks today ..... still a mess but I guess that's to be expected.

Still can't bear to move any of his things and miss him so, so much.

It feels like yesterday but also feels a lifetime since I've seen him.:( I'm so worried I'll forget his little "Ben quirks".

Stuggling to fill in the time in the mornings & evenings - it's been up, walkies - home, walkies etc for so, so long and I'm just so god-damn lonely without him.

Love my cats don't get me wrong - but for example, Archie got up this morning & went out, came in when I came home, ate & went straight up to his bed and I'll not see him again until I go to bed. Mia is slightly better in that she'll come for a cuddle for half an hour but then she'll disappear upstairs too ......

Hate not having a dog but know it would be wrong to get another while I feel like this as it's Ben that I miss and he can never be replaced. I also hate the thought of another dog being in "his" house ......

vicx

I am sorry to read that you are still going through a hard time. I felt exactly the same as you when I lost my Yorkie 6 month ago. I could not bare to move his bed from my bedroom and it had been there up until I got my two new pup's 8 week ago. It really upset me to see them in his bed when they came into my bedroom so I had no option but to move his bed out the way.

As I have said before, when I first got the two pups and brought them home only 5 weeks after losing my King Charles, I cried. I felt like I had replaced my two dogs and it was hard to accept that the pups would be living in 'their' house.

If it wasn't for family breeding his Yorkie, I definitely would not have considered another dog. It took two weeks of me saying 'no, definitely no more' before I decided this was probably the only thing that would help me move on and it was - they have helped me so much. What I am saying is when the time feels right you may offer another dog a loving home and although it will upset you at first, you will soon begin to love your new best friend and the pain of loving Ben will become easier to live with. I know the pain never goes but in time it will get easier.

Person_one

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

Hate not having a dog but know it would be wrong to get another while I feel like this as it's Ben that I miss and he can never be replaced. I also hate the thought of another dog being in "his" house ......

That's the wonderful thing about dogs, they don't get as attached to material things as we do, they don't attach memories to objects or places, they just live in the 'here and now' and take life as it comes. I don't believe for a second that if Ben were capable of expressing his feelings he'd want you to be miserable for the sake of keeping 'his' home empty for his sake.

Remember the poem, the 'Legacy', if you feel you could welcome another dog and provide a loving home for one in desperate need, there's no need to feel guilty at all.

You'll never forget his personality and his quirks, trust me. I've lived with 3 other dogs since my first girl died, I can still see her now clear as the day it happened, appearing round the corner with paint on her nose, or the time she ate plasticine and pooed bright blue and yellow, or the way she'd spend hours trying to get a pea from the middle of the table.

Getting another just creates more wonderful memories and hilarious moments, it doesn't diminish the ones that have already happened.

aliasojo

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

Still can't bear to move any of his things and miss him so, so much.

It feels like yesterday but also feels a lifetime since I've seen him.:( I'm so worried I'll forget his little "Ben quirks".

You wont forget his quirks. These are the memories that will stay with you. You will conveniently forget any time he may have got a rollocking for being a bad lad but you will not forget the things he did that made him Ben. (Don't laugh but I can still remember the way my hamster acted and he's been gone 16 years. )

I think you should move his things away from his spot in the house though. You don't need to put them away, you just need to change how it looks as a small first step down the road of adjusting. If you leave it all as it is, it will be harder for you as you will obviously automatically expect and want to see him there too.

Ben is in your heart. Moving his bed or his toys wont move him, nor will it mean you will forget him. It just means you're taking a small step towards remembering him with love and less pain.

rising_from_the_ashes

Thanks guys ...... having a really bad day today.

I know what you mean about thinking I'll turn around and he'll be in his bed ... but it not being there seems so much worse atm, I know he's gone but it being there with his toys in provides a little comfort and don't think I could do it yet.

vicx

It's actually 7 months this week since I lost my Yorkie and if I had not got these two pup's his bed would still be on my bedroom floor down beside my bed - It was a huge comfort for me. I did used to wake up through the night and look down at his bed and cry but getting rid of it or moving it out the way would have hurt me more (as it did when I had to move it 2 month ago).

When my neighbour lost her Yorkie last year, she got rid of everything straight away - I couldn't do that, I wanted everything left where it was for comfort and respect but we all deal with things differently.

If Ben's toys and bed give you a little comfort you keep them where they are, there is no right or wrong way of doing it. I don't believe moving them or getting rid of them helps you move forward, it just takes time.

sazzybum

How are you feeling this morning rising?

Listen, if moving his toys etc is too hard- then don't do it. I said before that you'll do everything like that in your own time, and when you're ready-you'll know.

Alan is due home on 15th, and I have Ruars old quilt over his bed, because that's where he sleeps when the boys are away. Usually, I just whip it off and stick it in the cupboard when I'm making up the beds, but this time-I don't want to, but I have to-and I know it's going to be difficult. Probably because I HAVE to, rather than a natural decision/progression. Does that make sense?

One day you'll be tootling about, and you'll think 'ok, it's time', and it'll be so hard for you-but because you haven't forced it, it'll be easier. Grieve in your own time rising- there's no manual on it, there's no set time limit.
Thinking of you
Aileen
xx

toocleverbyhalf

I too am mourning the loss of my old boy Clive, it only happened yesterday. The image I can't get out of my mind was his terrified eyes just as they put the needle in, he knew I'm sure. He was fine the night before last, but couldn't walk yesterday so I had to get the vet. I haven't stop crying since. Everything is still here, including his food that he didn't eat ( first time ever, he was a bit of a pig) but I'm not moving it because I'm not ready. I had him for 14 years & my heart is broken.

Fridaycat

toocleverbyhalf wrote: »

I too am mourning the loss of my old boy Clive, it only happened yesterday. The image I can't get out of my mind was his terrified eyes just as they put the needle in, he knew I'm sure. He was fine the night before last, but couldn't walk yesterday so I had to get the vet. I haven't stop crying since. Everything is still here, including his food that he didn't eat ( first time ever, he was a bit of a pig) but I'm not moving it because I'm not ready. I had him for 14 years & my heart is broken.

So sorry for your loss xx