Should I be worried?

DUTR

RainbowDreamer wrote: »

I am standing by my solicitors advice and doing as he wishes. Hopefully this will result in the courts making a decision that is entirely beneficial to my children. All the points I am raising are backed up with statements, developmental progress reports copied from nursery and logs made by myself. None of it may help them to see the truth in the matter, but I wouldn't be a good mother if I didn't at least try and stand up for the well-being of my children.
I will bring up Christmas when in court if they allow me to. If not then I will consult my solicitor and see what he advices.

In the meantime it is extremely hard not to allow the situation consume me with stress and worry. But I am managing to keep it from the children and making sure they cannot pick up on anything. It is hard, I won't lie. But I just need to keep strong and be patient until court and see what they decide to do next.

Although the sytem is biased towardsa women, where the child courts come about the children will come 1st . If the solicitor is advising a path, then it may be prudent to follow what she suggests.
Unless of course jojo knows differently
Good luck and don't be stressing.

BigBlackcat

Acc72 wrote: »

I was trying to make the point that when we so often hear of fathers who want nothing to do with the child, in this case the father attended all scans, was at the birth and sees the child every weekend - can you not see the point I was trying to make ?

Also, I have no wish to argue the point about being allowed at the birth, although the OP certainly allowed the father to be at the "intimate and personal event" of the conception.

Not really..

So, you think the father has every right to make false allegations??? He's not exactly coming out of this sounding like father of the year,a man who deserved to be part of those precious events.

At the end of the day the father was ALLOWED at all the events you have listed above because the OP was IMO very gracious indeed.

And although the father obviously was required at conception his attendence at the birth certainly was not essential. Especially as they were no longer a couple.

DUTR

BigBlackcat wrote: »

Not really..

So, you think the father has every right to make false allegations??? He's not exactly coming out of this sounding like father of the year,a man who deserved to be part of those precious events.

At the end of the day the father was ALLOWED at all the events you have listed above because the OP was IMO very gracious indeed.

And although the father obviously was required at conception his attendence at the birth certainly was not essential. Especially as they were no longer a couple.

It does depend on if he is seeking the title though. Not in the case of the OP, there is no point in pretending that some mothers do need reporting and it is often left too late, in an extreme case there was that 7 yr old girl who starved to death in Birmingham, SS had visited but said all was ok :eek: neighbours had seen the little girl rummaging in bins for food.

RainbowDreamer

I will welcome any checks from SS or CAFCASS as I would rather they come and see for themselves and be happy than there ever be any doubt.
It is madness how false allegations and odd marks are investigated but sometimes serious harm is missed and not looked into.

RainbowDreamer

Yet another stressful week, lol. Eldest has been kept off nursery again. Last week he was kept off both days which caused major problems when I took him in on Weds, due to dad telling him he doesn't have to go anymore and doesn't like it.
On the plus note I have an interview this week at university. The downside is that if the ex gets wind he will use it against me in court as a plus to have full residensy of the kids, and will threaten me if he finds out that I am allowing a friend to care for my children while I go to it.
BUT.. I won't let it to defeat me. I am trying hard to better my future career so that I can have a decent future for my kids. Seeing mummy working hard is only going to be a good thing for the children.
Sorry for the moan, just thought it may help to type it down. Feel free to ignore me

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

DUTR wrote: »

Although the sytem is biased towardsa women, where the child courts come about the children will come 1st . If the solicitor is advising a path, then it may be prudent to follow what she suggests.
Unless of course jojo knows differently
Good luck and don't be stressing.

Not entirely certain of the intent behind your comment, but I am going to take it in good faith.

I said to be prepared for a long list of allegations, not to do anything in particular.


*******

When I ended up on the receiving end of such things, it was a complete shock as I had never considered even the possibility of doing similar.

As far as I was concerned, I wanted DD to see her father regularly, despite his having no legal right whatsoever - I just wasn't prepared to remain as his punchbag in the process or have him abduct her and try to pass her off as either the child of a woman who had died after an emergency caesarian or alternatively a surrogate.



I suppose he had to try and justify his actions somehow. But it wasn't comfortable reading it to think that he had imagined those things of me. All in an effort to get residence in his favour and punish me for rejecting him (the original threat was 'if you ever try to leave me, I will make sure everybody knows what a wh-re you are and you will never, ever see MY child again, seeing as you never even managed to give birth to her without a man doing it properly, you can't even call yourself a mother or woman). Oh, and for needing a Caesarian, apparently.


She still saw him regularly throughout her childhood. His hating me didn't mean he couldn't love her. Only ever missed the weekend I had DD2. He attended parents' evenings, school shows and plays, etc, as well. Even sat beside him sometimes when absolutely necessary at school/Brownies/whatever. And I called him immediately she was admitted to hospital.


He never paid a penny maintenance. Kids aren't like Sky Box Office; they're not pay per view.



But children are used by both men and women as weapons of domestic abuse. So someone who has been on the receiving end of domestic abuse needs to know what to expect, particularly if they bow down to it as they have been beaten into doing before, rather than stand up and say 'enough'.




I hope you, OP, can get this sorted in way that is best for your children and yourself - not just for him - soon.

RainbowDreamer

Thank you Jojo. Sorry to hear how hard things have been for you. I hope your happy and enjoying life now you are no longer in his control.
I have no problem sitting in the same room as him for kids, when he isn't trying to manipulate me or be threatening.
At the moment he is just frustrating me, but I am not allowing that to effect how I am with the kids. Its just hard seeing negative effects being created by how he chooses to do things. I often wonder if he even realises the effects certain actions have. It seems his main focus is point scoring, rather than considering the childrens feelings etc. But not much I can do other than the court hearing and standing up for the childrens well-being.

RainbowDreamer

Thought I would update for anyone who was interested. Had my university interview today, it went really well and has left me feeling positive just have to wait and see if I am offered a place. The court hearing is getting closer, but feeling less and less worried about it from how the childrens dad is being.