Should I be worried?

jayII

RainbowDreamer wrote: »

Can anything be done when a 3 year old is kept out of nursery frequently with it not being a compulsory place? It benefits his education and development. Not sure if there is anything I can do

I think the issue of your son going to nursery on 'dad's days' is dad's business really. Some parents send three year olds to daycare, some choose to fill their toddlers days with other positive and stimulating activities. It's a personal parenting choice.

On the other side, dad's other behaviour is very concerning, he shouldn't be undermining you and nursery staff, making threats, or anything like that! It's doubly concerning if your children are becoming reluctant to visit their dad!

Are you really concerned about him not going to nursery, or are your concerns more that he just sits and watches TV all day, or similar. I.e. would you be worried if dad did lots of fun activities, like going to the park, playgroups, swimming and so on, instead of taking him to nursery on that day?

Either way, in your shoes I'd be thinking hard about what is most important, and focussing primarily on that.


Edit: You must be very scared and worried, what a horrible situation for you to be in! I hope it goes well and you get the best outcome for the children.

Acc72

beenstung wrote: »

You what? Where the hell do you get that impression from?

And you come across as being very aggressive !

beenstung

DUTR wrote: »

I'm not here for an argument, have you read post #1 ?
Strange how the OP wants to dictate how and when the contact is performed, yet when questions are asked of them, these accussations are totally absurd, always wary when a poster says MY child(ren) as if they did not make the children with somebody else.
I am not on cafcass or the courts or anything like that, so whichever way the siutation unfolds makes no odds to me. However as mentioned the attitude may not help the OP's cause.

You saw aggression where I saw concern and determination.

Any guy who reports the mother of his children to social services 4 times without success doesn't have the welfare of his kids at the top of his agenda, in my opinion.

Acc72

RainbowDreamer wrote: »

I allowed him at the birth even though we weren't together and didn't get on at that time. To scans etc so he wouldn't miss out. Allowed him access from the youngest being born and allowed overnight access from very early on.

I have bent over backwards for him to see his children and be a good father a

Again, playing devils advocate from the limited information given.

Despite not being together, the father went with you for your scans, attended the birth of the child, has access and is not happy that you want to reduce this access from 3 times a week to twice a week.

And you are surprised that he is not particularly happy ?

Also from your comments that you "allowed" him to be at the birth and "allow" him access, this attitude may not help your relationship - after all this person is also a parent of the child.

DUTR

beenstung wrote: »

You saw aggression where I saw concern and determination.

Any guy who reports the mother of his children to social services 4 times without success doesn't have the welfare of his kids at the top of his agenda, in my opinion.

You won't be the judge on the panel when the OP goes to court either, I'm just mentioning from the outside how the OP may give a misrepresentation of her cause, by no way an attack, but calling the shots of when and where may not work in her favour.

Asmentioned I'm not here for an argument, so the latter part of your post is not worth replying to, as you know , no child meets their peril when in the over all charge of the Mother do they?
SS has to investigate EVERY report.

beenstung

We agree to disagree on interpretation of the tone of posts DUTR.

But seriously, the guy isn't exactly helping his own cause is he? Of course SS must investigate every case, but 4 reports is OTT if he hasn't tried for a residential order before now.

Expecting the lttle'un to go to nursery on a day when your ex has access is unreasonable though OP. That is giving with one hand and taking away with the other.

DUTR

beenstung wrote: »

We agree to disagree on interpretation of the tone of posts DUTR.

But seriously, the guy isn't exactly helping his own cause is he? Of course SS must investigate every case, but 4 reports is OTT if he hasn't tried for a residential order before now.

Expecting the lttle'un to go to nursery on a day when your ex has access is unreasonable though OP. That is giving with one hand and taking away with the other.

Yes we will have to agree to disagree upon the OP's tone.
I'm not going to judge the OP's child's father based on that, however do take note that there have been well reported cases where SS did not act upon reports (sometimes from an ex) .

But agree wholeheartedly with your final paragraph in the above reply :cool:
We cannot make the final decision in the case , but frankly from what I can see, is two idiots that call themselves parents where one has chosen to bring the latest fight to the internet boards.
All I can hope is that the state removes the child(ren) from them if they do not resolve their differences in a swift an adult manner

make_me_wise

DUTR wrote: »

I don't know if there is anything you can do,however I must confess you do come across as slightly aggressive in your posts and always up for a fight, all I can suggest is that you start being more diplomatic and gentle in your attitude, accept the fact that you do not call all the shots

I disagree with your opinion on the OP. She comes across to me as a woman running scared. Despite trying as hard as she can to raise her kids safely, meet all their needs educationally and personally she is under tremendous strain. Mainly from an ex partner who seems determined to try and make out she is neglectfull and abusive toward her children. She even has the nursery logging every bruise or mark her child gets so she can prove she hasn't harmed her kids. I cant imagine living or coping with all that.

princessdreamer

DUTR wrote: »

always wary when a poster says MY child(ren) as if they did not make the children with somebody else.

I talk about my children as my children. It would be weird to say our children after all this time with the ex not around. Even before we split in conversation I would say my children rather than our children as a turn of phrase.

The OP has been to hell and back of course her back is going to be up. However I think she is holding up pretty well.

I have to disagree with him not having to send her to nursery as it takes up his time, children gain a lot from interacting with others. Will he feel the same when she has to go to school.

A lot of times the power games from abusers will continue no matter what the other party says or does.

DUTR

make_me_wise wrote: »

I disagree with your opinion on the OP. She comes across to me as a woman running scared. Despite trying as hard as she can to raise her kids safely, meet all their needs educationally and personally she is under tremendous strain. Mainly from an ex partner who seems determined to try and make out she is neglectfull and abusive toward her children. She even has the nursery logging every bruise or mark her child gets so she can prove she hasn't harmed her kids. I cant imagine living or coping with all that.

Let's get this straight, I have not formed an opinion on the OP, however if I have picked up on something, then somebody else (who has the power to make the decision) may do also, so whilst some of you are turning it into yet another attack DUTR thread, I have suggested being diplomatic, being scared ? may not lead to rational decisions. Hence why you may not agree, perhaps some 'character' help, may assist the OP?
(A suggestion not a command )