Should I be worried?

DUTR

RainbowDreamer wrote: »

If you mean swap one of my days in the week of having the boys to one at the weekend, he won't allow it. In the 2 years we have been apart I have not spent a full saturday or sunday with the children as he won't allow it.

No I meant swaping one of the week days from the Nursery day, the case sounds more and more though that cafcass and the courts will resolve it, shouldn't be a case of he/she won't allow it.

elisebutt65

RainbowDreamer wrote: »

Also may I add that I in no way try to call the shots. In the 2 years we have been apart I have done everything in my power to allow the childrens father to spend as much time as possible with them. At Christmas, birthdays etc I arrange with him so that he have half the day each (when we on speaking terms a few months ago and before that anyway), I would discuss with him holidays and be flexible to him having them more days at half term and if he wanted to take them away for a whole week I would of happily allowed this. In fact.. I am not sure if this will explain how I over think things.. but I have been worrying about how to arrange this Christmas. We are now in a position where were no longer communicate apart from at the front door. I am no longer supposed to discuss anything like access with him, it has to go through solicitors. And I know from speaking to my solicitor that at this first hearing nothing will be decided or discussed as such it will just be adjourned for further investigations. So I am busy worrying how I am going to arrange the kids seeing their father on Christmas Day... and how to organise that without speaking to him and with him refusing to discuss anything with him.

In this case, I would write a letter to him., stating that as he refuses to talk to me about it and the solicitors are taking so long then I presume that he doesn't want to see them at all over Xmas! 'If you do want to arrange something then please talk to me the next time you see me without making demands!

You've probably let him get away with far too much and now it's just all building up and he thinks he can walk all over you!

OK, fair enough it's about the children, but sometimes it's about YOU as well. What good are you to the chilkdren if they see you acting like a doormat every time? How good are you if you're fed up and worn out with dealing with all these demands?

Let it go all the way to court - you can demonstrate clearly that he's already refused mediation twice. He's made malicious calls to SS (What judge is going to look kindly on that?) Let CAFCASS know who it's effecting the way the children now talk to you!!

You need to develop a backbone of cast iron when dealing with controlling w**kers and make absolutely no concessions unless it benefits the kids. You start making concessions and they will just keep making more and more demands!

I'm not a man hater btw - this can apply to mums who take the pee as well:o

jojo_2012_2

OP I think you've every right to stop him having your children 1 day out of the 3 if it's interfering with their education. I think the courts will back you up on this also. He's already getting more access than most fathers do.
As for the SS thing, they've cleared you, theres probably a nice file somewhere that points out what a great parent you are! Bring that to the court, freedom of information and all that.

Also, and this isn't really a suggestion more of a comment. If you were to call SS on HIM, and they were to find out that he wasn't bringing them to nursery etc, I think that would look very badly on him.

[Deleted User]

I have a stepdaughter who has been through the mill rather with her ex. Her ex took their daughter (when they were supposed to have shared access), and two years later she is still attending court to get full custody of her daughter. He has refused to allow her to see her daughter in spite of twice being ordered to allow the visits by the court. He has shown his true colours in court, repeatedly bringing the same incidents to the court attention as to our stepdaughters inability to look after her daughter, been told twice or more by Judges that these cases have already been discarded as untrue. Her ex has 'lost it' in front of case workers, judges etc etc.., but he still has their daughter in his care. However, we do believe that with the next court appearance this will change. I am sure their daughter will be damaged by what she has seen, but we'll all deal with that as best as we can when the situation is resolved.

I totally sympathise with your emotions at this point. People will have differing opinions on what you have written, but that is based on their experiences.., which are obviously not the same as yours.

I'm afraid OP.., u just have to keep calm, keep strong and keep on. I am amazed how my stepdaughter has managed to deal with all the allegations that have been made against her (all untrue). I know it is very hard to deal with your children's distress. My stepdaughter is actually waiting for the custody case to be resolved and then she has been told by the police etc that she can bring her own case against the father to restrict his access to reduce the harm done to her daughter because of the father's behaviour.

I wish you well.

BigBlackcat

Acc72 wrote: »

Again, playing devils advocate from the limited information given.

Despite not being together, the father went with you for your scans, attended the birth of the child, has access and is not happy that you want to reduce this access from 3 times a week to twice a week.

And you are surprised that he is not particularly happy ?

Also from your comments that you "allowed" him to be at the birth and "allow" him access, this attitude may not help your relationship - after all this person is also a parent of the child.

OP DID allow him to be at the birth. He certainly had no rights to be at such an intimate and personal event, father of the child or not.

And for those that think that it is understandable that he is upset with the possibility of reduced access. Does that really give him the right to make no less than FOUR false allegations of neglect against OP? He is acting out of pure spite.

Good luck OP. I hope everthing goes well for you:).

Acc72

BigBlackcat wrote: »

OP DID allow him to be at the birth. He certainly had no rights to be at such an intimate and personal event, father of the child or not.

I was trying to make the point that when we so often hear of fathers who want nothing to do with the child, in this case the father attended all scans, was at the birth and sees the child every weekend - can you not see the point I was trying to make ?

Also, I have no wish to argue the point about being allowed at the birth, although the OP certainly allowed the father to be at the "intimate and personal event" of the conception.

DUTR

jojo_2012 wrote: »

OP I think you've every right to stop him having your children 1 day out of the 3 if it's interfering with their education. I think the courts will back you up on this also. He's already getting more access than most fathers do.
As for the SS thing, they've cleared you, theres probably a nice file somewhere that points out what a great parent you are! Bring that to the court, freedom of information and all that.

Also, and this isn't really a suggestion more of a comment. If you were to call SS on HIM, and they were to find out that he wasn't bringing them to nursery etc, I think that would look very badly on him.

I'm starting to believe that some of you that pretend to be in favour of the female OP's are little more than trolls!
After all, whatever the outcome it will not affect you, but many of you seem to be stoking the fire for trouble.
In fairness the OP asked what may happen in court can you hand on heart say that going in gung ho, all guns blazing ranting and raving as you suggest above is going to assist the OP's case?

fluffnutter

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Be prepared for him producing a list or fake diary of a million and one occasions where he has noted a mark on a child (that never happened), stories about any boyfriends, children screaming that Mummy says Daddy's going to kill them, that they want to live with Daddy, asking why doesn't mummy love us anymore, bedwetting, knives left on floors, complete strangers walking up to him in the street and telling him your children are being abused, etc, etc.......plus anything you have ever said/not said/done/not done relating to his family - for example, saying 'No' to something his mother/sister wanted will turn into you becoming extremely aggressive and hitting one of them...


It's very, very nasty to suddenly find out you are supposed to be like that. But if you are at least prepared for some mud slinging, it's not such a shock if it happens (and if it doesn't, well, he's missed a trick and it'll most likely happen in a subsequent hearing).

Wow. People do this? Arseholes shouldn't be allowed to have kids.

princessdreamer

fluffnutter wrote: »

Wow. People do this? Arseholes shouldn't be allowed to have kids.

yes people do this and worse it is truely sick

RainbowDreamer

I am standing by my solicitors advice and doing as he wishes. Hopefully this will result in the courts making a decision that is entirely beneficial to my children. All the points I am raising are backed up with statements, developmental progress reports copied from nursery and logs made by myself. None of it may help them to see the truth in the matter, but I wouldn't be a good mother if I didn't at least try and stand up for the well-being of my children.
I will bring up Christmas when in court if they allow me to. If not then I will consult my solicitor and see what he advices.

In the meantime it is extremely hard not to allow the situation consume me with stress and worry. But I am managing to keep it from the children and making sure they cannot pick up on anything. It is hard, I won't lie. But I just need to keep strong and be patient until court and see what they decide to do next.