We are about to pull the purse strings soooo tight!

Alice_in_Poorland

Today was NSD 10.:)

Tomorrow will be a bit of a spendy day. DS2 is having his hair cut, and whilst he is in town I've got a little list of a few things we need. At least he will stick to the list.;)

As there has been football on the tv last night and tonight things have been quite calm in our household. I've just left them to it.;)

I pegged out today and it was just about dry when DS got it in.:D. We haven't got the heating on but I've put it over the airers anyway.

Xx

Alice_in_Poorland

OK so I am going to rant about my OH, so much for keeping it all about the debt busting.

Last night I had to work over and didn't get in until about 9.00pm. When I went upstairs to get washed and changed I noticed the radiators were warm. I went down stairs and this is how it went......

Me: Has the heating been on?
OH: No
ME: Did you put the heating on when you came home?
OH: No I haven't touched it
Me: Strange as the radiators are on upstairs

I checked the kitchen radiator and that was quite warm too. I checked the timer and the heating was switched to off.

Me: Are you sure nobody has had the heating on?
OH didn't reply
Me: I hope there is nothing wrong with the timer.
OH still didn't say anything

2 minutes later

OH: Oh yeah I did switch the heating on for a bit when I came in

It will seem quite trivial to a lot folk but to me its a lie. Why he felt he had to lie is beyond me.

I thought we were supposed to be a team and work together.

He never tried to justify it, he just looked at me. I asked was it cold when he came in from work, he said it was a bit chilly when he got out of the shower.

I did lose it with him and said some pretty horrible things and made him sleep in the spare room. (Had a great night sleep though ).

xx

Puzzcat

Hi Alice,


Long time lurker here...!


Having read your post today I wasn't sure who I felt most sad for.. Your OH for being in trouble for 'lying' about warming the house in February.. or you for always battling on saving the pennies and trying to keep your costs low without team assistance. Hope you have a better day today..


Love Puzz. x

Alice_in_Poorland

Hi Puzzcat, thank you for your post.

When I read it back it all seems very trivial, and I am slightly embarrassed by it all.

If it was cold in our house I would understand that but it wasn't that cold yesterday....we've certainly had colder days without the heating on. (Came down one morning to condensation on the front door that had turned to ice).

If he had just said he put the heating on for a few hours to take the chill off I probably would of rolled my eyes and shook my head behind his back (I was trying so hard not to let him get to me)....we have been having the heating on in the evening. But it is the fact he didn't say it was him, claimed he didn't know anything about it, and he let me start to think it was a problem with the timer, which in turn started to get me stressed out about replacing it.

It feels like 'me faces the rest of the world' today. I need to chill a bit....well a lot.

xx

Puzzcat

My OH annoys me by breathing at night....not sure there is a cure for that!!!:D

debtfreewannabe321

Hi Alice, I haven't read back on everything I have missed, sorry But I've just caught up with this page. I totally get where you are coming from about your OH lying about the heating. It wasn't the actual heating being on that probably annoyed you it's the fact he wasn't honest about such a trivial thing. My oh is the same and it drives me mad.
I'm sorry to hear things aren't great between you. I've had my ups and downs with my DH and i'm surprised sometimes that I am still here but I do love him. One thing that helped, which may seem silly to some was to write a letter - to him, to God (if you believe), to the universe -whoever. And write down all of your feelings in them, how you felt when he cheated, how you feel now. At the end I wrote, I now forgive you for all of your actions, I release all of the anger, hurt and other negative emotions I feel. It doesn't excuse your bad behaviour but I no longer need to carry resentfulness around with me towards you. Then burn it or if you are by the sea, let it go into tide carrying it away. It really helps and of course he will never read it unless you wish to give him a copy but just releasing it all off your chest will help enormously. My DH has cheated many times in our early days, leading to me getting rid of him for several years - I allowed him back as I still loved him and we had the other two kids but I still carried resent around with me and hatred towards him because of what he did (who said love was easy lol) but I've learned to get over it and forgive him. Either that or our relationship would have ended because I was making myself ill from stressing over everything wrong he did. I hope you are ok and if you ever want a chat PM me
P.S I'm jealous that you are all pegging out no such luck here till spring really as we're north facing so don't get any sun atm until the sun moves a little higher up. Boooo! xxx

Alice_in_Poorland

Puzzcat wrote: »

My OH annoys me by breathing at night....not sure there is a cure for that!!!:D

This made me smile Puzzcat, OH was in the spare room again last night so I had another night of peace and quiet.:)

xx

Alice_in_Poorland

debtfreewannabe321 wrote: »

Hi Alice, I haven't read back on everything I have missed, sorry But I've just caught up with this page. I totally get where you are coming from about your OH lying about the heating. It wasn't the actual heating being on that probably annoyed you it's the fact he wasn't honest about such a trivial thing. My oh is the same and it drives me mad.
I'm sorry to hear things aren't great between you. I've had my ups and downs with my DH and i'm surprised sometimes that I am still here but I do love him. One thing that helped, which may seem silly to some was to write a letter - to him, to God (if you believe), to the universe -whoever. And write down all of your feelings in them, how you felt when he cheated, how you feel now. At the end I wrote, I now forgive you for all of your actions, I release all of the anger, hurt and other negative emotions I feel. It doesn't excuse your bad behaviour but I no longer need to carry resentfulness around with me towards you. Then burn it or if you are by the sea, let it go into tide carrying it away. It really helps and of course he will never read it unless you wish to give him a copy but just releasing it all off your chest will help enormously. My DH has cheated many times in our early days, leading to me getting rid of him for several years - I allowed him back as I still loved him and we had the other two kids but I still carried resent around with me and hatred towards him because of what he did (who said love was easy lol) but I've learned to get over it and forgive him. Either that or our relationship would have ended because I was making myself ill from stressing over everything wrong he did. I hope you are ok and if you ever want a chat PM me
P.S I'm jealous that you are all pegging out no such luck here till spring really as we're north facing so don't get any sun atm until the sun moves a little higher up. Boooo! xxx

Hi dfw321, you have totally hit the nail on the head there, it's about being honest and if you can't be honest about the trivial things then the alarm bells start ringing. In fact what you have written about how you felt is exactly how I feel.

I need to do something, the anger inside me will ruin our relationship (something else happened last night, I'll write about that in a mo). I might try and write a letter, did you let your OH see it or not?

This relationship malarkey is not easy, but we've got to make it work.

Thank you for your words of wisdom.

P.S. on a lighter note I've pegged out twice this week.:)

xx

Alice_in_Poorland

We had an interesting visit from my parents last night.

My Dad was asking if we needed any help with our finances (which we declined) and I could tell he was disappointed, I think he knows more than he is letting on.

My Mom has met up with her long lost cousin and his children (which are about my age) and she said they were the attractive side of the family which made me feel great.

OH spent another night in the spare room. Just shows what a state our relationship is in......I don't miss him, I quite like sleeping alone.:o

On the money front have had a few more NSDs, must tally up. Haven't been to the supermarket since last Saturday, although the fridge is bare now, and we have run out of cereal, bread and eggs so breakfast tomorrow will be a challenge.

On the plus side it's Friday......roll on the weekend.
xx

debtfreewannabe321

Morning Alice, no I didn't let him see the letter (s) -I've written more than one- but it helps hugely as you're still getting it off your chest!


What sort of help was your dad offering? Perhaps if he has the money it might be an idea to borrow from him to do some f&fs and pay him back...?


That was a lovely thing of your mum's long lost cousins to say.....not....perhaps they were lost in the first place for a reason lol xx