We are about to pull the purse strings soooo tight!

mummytogirls

Morning Alice,

Just had a little catch up. Strange that your parents called round like that, how would they know though?

Hope you and your DH can make up, I understand why you are annoyed with him though xx

Alice_in_Poorland

debtfreewannabe321 wrote: »

Morning Alice, no I didn't let him see the letter (s) -I've written more than one- but it helps hugely as you're still getting it off your chest!


What sort of help was your dad offering? Perhaps if he has the money it might be an idea to borrow from him to do some f&fs and pay him back...?


That was a lovely thing of your mum's long lost cousins to say.....not....perhaps they were lost in the first place for a reason lol xx

Thanks dfw321

I think my Dad would be so disappointed if he knew the mess we were in. He could lend us the money but I could never ask.....which is a shame....:o

It was my Mom that said that side of the family were the attractive ones. Cheers Mom!

I could just be super sensitive at the moment but even so it was bit of a kick in the teeth.
xx

mummytogirls wrote: »

Morning Alice,

Just had a little catch up. Strange that your parents called round like that, how would they know though?

Hope you and your DH can make up, I understand why you are annoyed with him though xx

Hi mummy,

They do sometimes call in, so I wasn't too alarmed but it was just the questions my Dad was asking and how the conversation was going. I think they have an inkling, we haven't had the work done to the house that needs doing, or had a holiday or replaced the crumbling shed.

I think I'm going to try writing a letter and see if I can get rid of some anger. It can be difficult with OH's ex still popping her head up every now and again though.

Perhaps if I include her in my letter she will disappear (nothing sinister) just to stop bothering us.;)

xx

Eager_Elephant

Sometimes I think we are the same person - DH has been a royal PITA this week.
He was even away for 2 days and 1 night - it was heaven doing what I wanted and having the whole bed to myself. I suggested he might like to go away more often!!


As DFW and you have alluded to - I think we are how we are because our husbands have cheated. I hate being like this and when I read the conversation you had with DH about the heating, I did have a chuckle as I knew I would have been the same.


I could go on for days about lies which wind me up especially the trivial ones. This one will make you laugh:


[background]So as you know we have animals and DH and I take it in turns to sort them out in the morning, we used to take the truck up but it does not start in winter (stupid ebay purchase, DH accidentally brought it on a BIN for £5k a few years ago) so now we have to use my car, the ground can be quite wet at this time of year and last month I got our other car stuck up there so I always pull in to the gate area and unload the car of things like water and feed and barrow it down to the animals. DH is too !!!!!!! lazy to do this and insists on driving down even though I keep telling him not to as my car will get stuck.
Yesterday we go to leave for work and my car is covered in mud and dirt (if you have ever been stuck in mud and tried to rev your way out you know how the mud splatters)
Me: Did you get stuck up the field?
DH: No
Me: Well the mess all over the car looks like it was stuck
DH: No, I just drove through the big puddle that's up there and it splashed the car
Me: So the big puddle had loads of grass and mud in it that just happened to spray everywhere.
DH starts playing with this phone and then tells me his manager is already at his office. I swear silently under my breath and wish I had taken my Agnus!!


In the afternoon when we left off and went to get in the car:
Me: I know you did get the car stuck so why do you deny it?
DH: I didn't get the car stuck otherwise we wouldn't have it with us would we?
Me: So you did get the car stuck but managed to get it out
DH silent


To some this might be trivial but to me this followed exactly the same pattern when he had emotional affairs - he would deny, deny, deny and then once I had calmed down (ie. not giving him the silent treatment which was about a week, sometimes 2) he would apologise and say how sorry he was.


I just want the truth - if he had said he had got it stuck then I would have just told him not to take it on the field like I keep doing and we would have moved on but because he lied the discussion dragged on.


It is our anniversary on Monday and he peed me off last night and now we are standoffish again, this always happens on our anniversary. I don't know if it's because I don't want to celebrate it because it is a lie as we are not happy or whether we are just arguing and it just so happens it is near our anniversary. It is so difficult to get a card to give him as they are all so lovey dovey and I don't feel like that.
Last nights issue was that I had gone to bed at 8pm as I was shattered after a day of training, at 10.45pm there's a load of racket and it's DH and the dog, I asked what he was doing, he said the dog had followed him upstairs!! (She is sleeping downstairs at the moment because she is on heat). I lost my temper and told him not to be so stupid and he could have just brought her down again. She comes on the bed and he falls asleep.
Then as I am laying there fuming the cats start playing and racing through all the bedrooms so then the dog wants to join in!!
So I take the dog downstairs and shut the door and go back to bed. Then the cats start again so I take 1 cat downstairs and shut the door and go back to bed.
Then DS starts listening to videos on his phone with the volume up so I get up again to tell him to turn it down or use the headphones he got for xmas and then I go back to bed.


I was by the end of it!!!


On the plus side the weather has been really good and I have managed to get loads of bed linen washed and dried - the clothes are going on the airer but the bed linen dries in a few hours.
Just have DS' double duvet to wash after the cat weed on it (just like she did to ours)


Is the reason you can't admit to your dad what is happening because your mum would tell everyone (or was that your MIL)?
Would it ease some pressure by asking for some money to do the urgent house works?
Have you got brothers/sisters? If you have I wonder if your parents have given them some money recently and want to do the same to you?


And as for what your Mum said - I am on your behalf. Sometimes parents are so insensitive.


I just want to say that you are beautiful to us Alice and we all love you very much

Puzzcat

I had to jump on quick this morning before doing the hoovering.. any excuse...! I so relate to EE's post today...


Quick background here.. Been with OH since 1996, planned baby dd born in 1998.. when I was 8 months pregnant OH decided he didn't want a baby..:eek: He was an absolute g** for the next few months and left when she was 6 weeks old... I took him back when she was 4 months old and we continued to live in my house which I paid for until we split again in 2000.. I then bought a new house and somehow he ended up moving in with us... He has always led his own life socially and has his own hobbies that keep him busy.. I had dd...


So roll on to 2003 We finally buy a house together.. I find out he is cheating he denies it, but to be honest I think by this time I didn't really care.. That was 12 years ago and we are still plodding along... I have no idea what will happen when dd leaves home but I will hopefully have got rid of the huge debt from around my neck and can then think clearly what I would like to do.. Anyway rambling now..back to relating to EE..


Last night dd worked an extra shift so I was taxi.. OH was out.. we got in at 9.30 and watched some TV, he was due home at 11.. We went to bed at 10.30.. At 1am.. He falls through the front door and bashes around the kitchen.. He is always surprised that he wakes me up... I go back to bed... and then he comes up to bed with the cat.. yep I have naughty one's too and after falling over him he then proceeds to playfight with him on the bed..:mad: Its now 2.30..... He then falls into a snoring sleep... Me I am wide awake, pushing him regularly to get him to stop and eventually getting up to make a cuppa and read my kindle.. Just dropping off at 4am.. and he gets up for a wee.... We all finally fall asleep about 4.30 and yes I am the only one up at 6.30 to get the cats sorted and dd for work....


The funny bit is when he woke up he was moaning about his leg.... He fell off his bike between the pub.. (5 mins away..) and home... and the noise he was making you would think it was broken.. sympathy.. I don't think so.... I left to take dd to work and he obviously managed to get his leg to work enough to pedal off for his day at work.. Oh joy..


So men.. who would have them.. and why would anyone want another one..???


Sorry Alice took over your thread for a mini moan then...! Just to let you know you are most definately not on your own when it comes to 'men problems'.....


Puzz. x

Puzzcat

Forgot to add OH also has an ex wife, she's no bother now and I have a lovely stepson...He wasn't lovely between 11 and 15!! Him and dd get on really well. And I have some wonderful friends, my fantastic dd and my lovely mother so not all bad!
Puzz

Alice_in_Poorland

Hi EE, I totally sympathise with you (and Puzzcat and DFW). The issue about getting the car stuck was just like the heating situation. It isn't the action but the fact that they didn't tell the truth. The fact your car was splattered in mud and your OH still denied it was the same as the radiators being warm but OH denied putting the heating on. What are they like!!:o

I'm not a bit fan of wedding anniversaries. Following OH's antics I decided a long time ago our wedding vows are worthless. Shame because when I look back at our wedding day we had such a lovely day with family and friends. Nothing fancy and we had a fab party on the evening, the early years were great......those were the days eh!

It's is my MIL (not my Mom) that would gossip about of money woes. My siblings are shall we say.....successful! To save face I won't mention our finances.

Sometimes my Mom just doesn't think......wonder when I'll get like that.:D

Thank you for your lovely words and hugs. Really appreciate it.

Xx

Alice_in_Poorland

Hey Puzzcat moan away I say. That is some turmoil you have been through. How do you/we mange to keep plodding on?

We've had some nights like yours....not so many anymore, now there's not a lot of spare cash. The worse thing OH used to say is 'I won't be late back'....of course you won't!

I'm glad you have a good relationship with your stepson. Throw ex wife's into the mix and it can just add to the problems....as I know.

Xx

Alice_in_Poorland

Today went to @ldi spent £35, sburys spent £29 and discount store spent £14.

Kids ended up with hash browns and baked beans for breakfast....very resourceful.:D

Spent £6 at kids sports club on sausage rolls and hot chocolate/tea at lunchtime.

I did peg 2 loads out this morning, they were nearly dry, just airing them. Have had the heating on for 5 hours this afternoon.

Tallied up NSDs upto 12 now. Car's had exhaust done. Just need to tax both cars end of this month. Sorted out cash, bus money and lottery so should have some more NSDs this week.:)

Xx

pennywisepoundstupid

Hi Alice,

Just wanting to send you some hugs, hope your ok.

Take care.x.

PennySaving

Hi Alice, I have been reading your diary so wanted to pop in and say "Hello". You have been doing so amazingly well, a real inspiration in dealing with your debt.

I can sympathise with you on the food/petrol front. I have 2 very active teenage boys who are just complete food hoovers, and a daughter who doesn't seem to eat so much. One of my sons even admits to never being full up and sometimes their dinner is served on 2 plates! I know it sounds ridiculous but I sometimes 'envy' those that can get away with spending only £70 a week on food. I meal plan and try to stick within budget as well but its not always easy. Also, DH is still in the mindset of wanting to see full cupboards. Alarmingly, I think 2nd son is taking tips from him and will say "there is nothing to eat" when clearly there is always stuff for sandwiches. The constant fridge/cupboard door opening drives me crazy at times!!!

The eldest was an amateur boxer for 4 years which meant travelling up & down the country for fights which meant huge expenditure on petrol. I was also never very good at making lunches to take with us. Throw in football training/matches 5 times a week and the fuel consumption adds up!

I hope you have a restful Sunday and best wishes x