Absolutely want to screeeam!!

SUESMITH_2

as a mum who has kids the same age i would get the door fixed and then shut it. dd wanted her room decorated - i pointed out that as her room was a foot deep in clean and dirty clothes, food and assorted crap it couldnt be done, it took dd and me days to sort it out before we decorated but now its done she keeps it reasonably tidy. clothes not in washing basket don't get washed, i certainly dont go looking for them.

as for the birthday, well i wouldn't mention it again and just wait to be able to strop, or tbh look hurt and sorrowful with no shouting as that's much more effective.

i also wouldn't sub for Christmas presents, she has far more money than my kids and they buy their own.

aren't teenagers fab!?

good luck

Felicity

olibrofiz wrote: »

Feeling a LOT tetchy as under threat of redundancy at work and have to think of 'brief notes of experience' to apply for a job I've been doing for 11 years....so this is likely to be contributing to the fact that....

....the teenager is driving me mad :mad::mad: she won't tidy up after herself. I've done the tidying up after her, the not tidying up after her, the nice asking, the threats, the wailing, the grounding, the throwing the stuff out of the window on to the front lawn... and am now at a loss.

She's swanned off to her dads for the weekend and I'm sitting here surrounded by 3 weeks worth of washing :mad: I FINALLY got her to put it in her washing basket. The last time I did a no tidy up there were bottles, cans, sweet wrappers, empty yoghurt cartons, crisp packets etc in every room of my house :mad: There is still something in a glass on the bathroom windowsill that looks like a urine sample (which I asked her to move 3 days ago) I'm hoping it;s apple juice.

For the sake of a tidy house do I just tidy and say nothing - while quitely saving for a deposit on a flat for when she's 18 - or what do I do? REALLY fed up with it tbh. There is a no food in her bedroom rule which she just takes no notice of as wel and which drives me nuts as it's normally a bar of chocolate that she leaves in reach of doglets. Fed up with either shouting or giving the silent, disapproving, treatment, neither work.

Arrrrghhhhhhhh!!!

Sorry, I didnt have time to read beyond your OP, but THANKS, thank you, you made me feel more sane! I have a 4 year old and most of my days consist of picking things up. I am just glad it is not me!!!

babymoo

I am the most untidy person in the entire world. It drives my mum to absolute despair. She can't even stand my own room being untidy. I like to think of it as lived in lol. The more she nags at me the more I leave it. I am btw 24 not 16 but I am not much different to how I was when I was 16. Its strange though, I had my own place for 2 years (I moved back home after major surgery) and my own place was immaculate, it was spotless. I used to love cleaning it but I hate cleaning mums house. I can't explain it.

I wish you luck with your daughter and must admit id be worried that 16 year old is happy to wander round in dirty smelly clothes for 3 weeks.

onlyroz

I would certainly stop doing her laundry, but I wouldn't stress about the state of her room. Just impose a "no food" rule, so that there's nothing in there that can rot, get the door fixed and forget about it.

Nicki

Just a thought and it might be way off beam but you mentioned that the door is warped and won't shut and your DD is desperate for the room to be redecorated. Which made me wonder whether the room as a whole needs an overhaul in terms of furniture and particularly storage to suit her needs. The stuff which a 16 year old accumulates and stores is very different to the stuff a 10 year old has for example, and if her room hasn't been revamped in quite a while this might be contributing to the problem.

I know for myself that if my available storage doesn't quite suit the kinds of thing I need to keep in a room, it is really hard to keep it tidy, and standards slip. I know there is no excuse for dirty dishes, or rubbish not in a bin, but if all of your things are in a muddle because you literally can't store them in an organised way, the motivation to do the best you can in bad circumstances is often lacking.

Perhaps you could do an overhaul together and if necessary take a trip to ikea for some cheap storage solutions preparatory to a redecoration if she manages to maintain the room for a few months. And in the meantime fix the door so she has some privacy, as well as hiding the mess from your eyes, which she must need at her age. I wouldn't have liked my parents listen to me sing along lovestruck to sad songs when my heart was broken at that age so was glad for a door which closed properly

claire16c

I agree with Nicki, perhaps if she has an overhaul of her room she might treat it better after that, especially if she were to use her allowance to buy some things for it herself?

Also I cant imagine not being able to shut my door - my parents would have gone crazy listening to my music and singing too! And phone calls to friends etc. A teenagers room is their own little world really. so perhaps once your friends son has sorted that it will improve things as atleast if its messy you wont need to see it!

And then once she has sorted her room, there is no need for you to tidy it. My room used to be pretty messy when i was that age, but theres no way my mum would have spent her time tidying it.

Leaving stuff around the rest of the house though, she does need to sort out. And if she doesnt put her clothes in the laundry basket, then dont wash them til she does.

I dont think you need to worry too much, she sounds like me, and a lot of other posters on here who all used to be messy teenagers but now have very tidy houses of their own.

I think she just needs to keep it contained to her bedroom and not the rest of the house, and make it clear to her leaving toe nails round the bath is not acceptable!!

jess1974

My 14 year old son is exactly the same, under his bed there is crisp packets, pants(clean or dirty), plates, glass with milk still in it etc, i go in periodically and bring the rubbish down, but i do have to keep the door shut or it drives me mad....

zcrat41

olibrofiz wrote: »

Thank you all first off I think I need to get my friends carpenter son out to get her bedroom door to actually shut. And I think I'll go for a weekly inspection with deductions from allowance.

she's pestering me to decorate her bedroom, I've said I will as long as she keeps it tidy (no dirty washing, bottles etc) for all of November - she has 10 strikes and it doesn't happen. It's 5th today right? She already has 5 strikes :cool:

While she's at her dads this weekend may sort her clothes out and throw the odd socks, chewed knickers etc away.

Another thing that's ??? me is it's my birthday this month. I've already said to her to be careful with her allowance as it's my birthday and i'm assuming she'd like to get me a present - I had planned to say no more as I guess she won't remember - would that be mean of me?

10 strikes???!!! That's 10 strikes too many - if she can't keep her room clean for a month there's no way you should be decorating!

jetplane

lol, her dad would get the shock of his life but she's the same at his

OP could there be a general problem with respect, how close are you and her dad are you able to maintain an united front? Would you be able to get her dad on board so that she has the same rules at each house? Apart from being mega untidy I would be concerned that she doesn't care about wearing dirty clothes, is she otherwise ok, how is she at school?

Yes I think at 16 she is old enough to deal with tough measures. My daughter was given her CB as an allowance but I gave it weekly and she had to earn it with chores around the house. If she didn't give she didn't receive, yes there were times I had to get on at her and there were times when I wouldn't give her the money, which I didn't enjoy.

I think your daughters' door needs to be fixed for more reasons than keeping the mess in but I think you could try to sit down and work out some house rules around respect. She can take reponsibility for her own room, washing etc and even if she chooses to have her own room like a tip and wear dirty clothes she must keep the rest of the house tidy.

I'm sorry about your job situation because this will make your home situation feel so much worse and also tackling your daughter and changing her habits can be very tiring, you must be feeling drained at work and home right now.

QuackQuackOops

I think its pretty crazy giving a dirty, messy kid £50 to spend on what she likes. Thats your money anyway, not hers.
You need to stop being an enabler. You enabler her to carry on being a messy person.
Stop picking up after her, stop doing her washing, stop tidying her room and stop giving her money.

She will soon learn.