A Thread for After Debt?

rising_from_the_ashes

QueenB. wrote: »

I was thinking about Dizzys issue and it made me consider how we all view money in relationships. I often read on here that people have been treated by OH, or have got an NSD because OH paid instead etc. So makes me wonder if a lot of people keep money separate. My OH and I see all the money in our relationship as joint, and when in debt all debts as joint, therefore neither of us spend if it is a NSD and we both speak about all decisions and purchases.

Funnily enough QueenB, I notice that on the NSD thread too .... things like "OH got the milk / bread / filled my car up / popped to the sm" etc etc.

Everyone has their own way of counting but, personally to me, if it's for your/family use, I'd count it as a spend.

Not having an OH anymore, I'd probably not best to comment but I know my ex used to drive me potty with popping out for a loaf of bread and coming back with £40 worth of stuff - which wasn't needed.

I think it's much healthier to sit down and discuss things ... what's needed or not and plan what's being spent / the budget etc.

JulieGeorgiana

Dizzy this is why we are moving our current and savings across to FD, and might move the ISA too… once I had to wait 3 rings!!!!

Congrats on the payrise!!! Yay you xxx

Sam well done on 1000 likes, especially on 150 posts!!!

QueenB I feel like that too… get MSE withdrawel!

I’m like you, even though I only had car loan when I met DH and had cleared my other debts when we started living together we shared his debts, and our finances were joined. He used to spend spend spend… but now we communicate much more and are open about money… neither of us spend without talking to the other about it first. DH is so on board now he got a book about thrift from the library today!!! I look after the money because I am much better at spreadsheets

Thank you for your kind comments about DS. I do feel very blessed… DS is such an amazing boy and I couldn’t be prouder. You’d think he’d be jelous that Eliza gets so much attention, but he told me that he doesn’t mind because he got the same amount when he was born. How mature is he?

Yes, Eliza is already 5 days old!!! After all that waiting…

She was weighed on Monday and lost 9oz (well within the limit allowed) and today she was weighed again and she is the same. Which is a good sign… so now she needs to gain weight.

Now I need to go look at my spreadsheets… as the money is still going down down down this month! I need a lottery win… hint hint x

backinbusiness

QueenB. wrote: »

BIB any news yet about the £500? I would have done exactly what you did, contacted and made sure it was meant for you. If you find out it was I would split it up (or in my case buy a shed:D) and be a good MSEer with part of it and enjoy the other part.

Hi Queen B - nice to see you checking in.

No reply to my text yet, so no decision made!

I've tucked the money safely away in an account I rarely use until I know one way or the other.

BiB

JulieGeorgiana

BiB I like you never count my chickens before thet hatch... if it's not definatly mine I don't touch it. But if it comes back it is yours its so much sweeter.

QueenB.

JulieG. Thats so mature of him and utterly adorable:) my sons still agrue if one thinks the other has had more hugs in the day or feels I have spoke more to one than the other :rotfl:but even though my boys seem to be constantly in disagreement they always look out for each other and are united against others:)

I hope the spreadsheets make you feel a bit better:D I think every spare penny we had this month has had to be allocated to unexpected bills:( If one more crops up its either dip into the emergency savings or try and juggle febs wage Our MSE skills are being really challenged this month.

Little_bit_dizzy

Oh dear. Just watched DIY SOS on the telly. DH and I are both sat here sobbing - God we're both so soppy!

JG, your DS is one in a million. He really is an amazing little boy and I can understand why you are so proud of him. And Eliza, 5 days old already - time is flying already! Give her a little cuddle from me and one for DS too if he's not too old already :D You really are blessed!

QueenB, your comments really got me thinking about our finances. My original 'ligtbulb' moment was many moons ago, not that long after my first 'not-so DH' and I seperated (we were only married 6 months - shameful I know, but he was a nasty piece of work :cool:) and when my now very DH and I got together I'd spent 5-6 years going round in circles, (hence the name) trying to pay things off, consolidating, trying to pay things off, consolidating etc...

I never kept an accurate record but at the worst, I think my debt was about £32,000 and there was a lot of this owing when DH & I got together, so for that reason I insisted our finances were kept seperate. To this day, he still doesn't know how much I owed, but it's all paid, by me, on my own.

We are now in a much better position, whilst we're not on the housing ladder anymore, we do have a good lump in savings (but this can never be enough!), though sadly, due to the ______ (insert insulting name of chioce) that drove into DH in 09 he's now a bit kn***ered physically.

He had self funded private surgery about 18 months ago (his profession makes it impossible to get private healthcare at a reasonable price) but sadly the surgery didn't really work, so whilst he's marginally better than he was post-accident, he can never be fixed, and we're thousands of pounds out of pocket. Now he's earning 70% less than he was (which he refuses to accept) but I suppose because I set the president by keeping things seperate he's too proud now to accept that I earn more so can conrtibute more. It can cause a lot of unrest in the Dizzy household...

I'd love for it all to be bunged into one big pot and us just spend what we want to / need to spend, but DH won't have that - hence, his is his. He still talks about his TV, his car, his whatever - we've been married almost 7 years. Do you think he'll ever see it differently? The main difference now is that I save 'mine' for tomorrow, he spends 'his' like it's unlimited

Crikey, sorry if that's almost become war & peace everyone, it's a bit like a therapy session getting all that off my chest!!! If anyone's got any idea's how to get him to see things differently, without the male pride, I'd love to hear from you. Sorry again for droning on.

JulieGeorgiana

QueenB My Spreadsheets are dire! I have already hit the petrol budget for £70 and i am still £25 in the red! It's actually depressing!!! I normally never need more then my £30 emergency fund in a month, then again I don't normally have a baby But things happen, and I am sure i will find somewhere to 'steal' the money from... I just hate taking from other pots. We were just lucky with petrol this month with the holidays we didn't go out for two weeks!

QB and Dizzy Thanks for the compliments... as a mother you can never hear them enough

Dizzy I gave her a huge cuddle and lots of kisses for you

Ref. couples and money, I think at the end of the day you have to do what works for you as a couple. I could never NOT be in charge and want to control it all... but that's me and it doesn't work for everyone.

So to put myself more into the red I am getting the following for my DS >> Gift

I am having the 'new' taken out and in the bottom right corner nice and small it'll say 'Lots of Love, Eliza xxx' I know I can't really afford it... but DS deserves something, and a nice keepsake is priceless. So i'm off to spreadsheet land again to find this £25!!! And we won't mention the break lights i need for my car (yes both have gone) and DH needs a back windscreen wiper!!!

**walks off stage right muttering....**

girlatplay

Aww JG that is a lovely gift for DS. He really deserves it too.

Diz I had a nightmare of an ex too. I was a single parent for 7 years after we left him. In those 7 years Little Miss Gap and I managed to survive and claw our way out of the deep, dark hole we were in. Mr G came along about 3-4 years ago and as we lived in separate houses, we had separate finances. He now lives with us but I refuse (not that we have ever discussed it but I would refuse if he suggested it) to have joint finances. I have worked far too hard and far to long to get where I am today and I won't put myself in a position where someone could take it away from me. Also, a couple of years ago Mr G was made bankrupt so his credit rating is rubbish. Because I have worked my a$$ off, my credit rating is now reasonable. Sometimes we argue about who paid for what which I suppose wouldn't happen if we had joint finances but I just couldn't do it.

samtoby

Did I miss DIY SOS! x

JulieGeorgiana

Sam just read your profile... that was a LOT of debt! You should be so proud of yourself overcoming it all. And now you're saving for a house :j