How do I stop thinking about a baby??

jamespir

sorry if this sounds harsh but you need to let him go and find somone who does want a baby with you and doesn't blow his top everythime you mention it

Ravenlady_2

If I didnt have any children before I would be quite wary of having a baby in this economic climate.

Is his hold/cold feelings down to finances?

A lot of people take the mothercare catalogue as gospel which can add up to £1000's before the baby is even here and then the partial loss of your income to take in to account which could be enough to make his testicles tie their own tubes.

flutterby_lil

I am of the opinion that he is scared of commitment too. He is coasting along quite nicely, with a long term partner, mortgage, engaged......you are at the next stage (like I too would have been about 3 years ago) and want to move on.

I have been with my partner for almost 3 years and although we are not engaged (working on this one lol) we live together and are currently 19 weeks pregnant. I know it is right and know he feels the same, hence our pregnancy and living together.

I was with my ex for 10 years, I knew deep down that there would be no wedding, (we were engaged but apparantly he only did this when he had come home wasted at 8am after a night of drink and drugs so it would keep me sweet!!) no kids and no definite commintment. Maybe you know this deepdown too? I don't know how happy you are and if it feels right or is having a baby just the next thing to do for you?

scheming_gypsy

I wouldn't say he's scared of commitment as he's been with her 8 years and they're engaged. It's not 1914 and we're not hiding from the German's and we're not in Saudi Arabia sneaking around behind peoples backs because we're not married. You don't have to get married to be in a commited relationship or to have kids, so the length of time they've been engaged and been together shows he's comitted to her..

He doesn't sound any different from me; doesn't see the point in getting married, they're engaged and everything else so there's no rush to get a bit of paper and a fancy frock... and he doesn't like kids and the way they ruin your life.

scheming_gypsy

flutterby_lil wrote: »

(we were engaged but apparantly he only did this when he had come home wasted at 8am after a night of drink and drugs so it would keep me sweet!!)

One of my mates proposed to his bird because he was pissed and knew it'd keep her quiet for a while.

euronorris

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

If he didn't want a baby at 29 but changed his mind at 30 then my money is going on him lying to you so you didn't start to think about leaving him for somebody who will give you a baby.
If he changed his mind about wanting a baby 4 years ago you'd have one or two by now, but he told you he wants kids and now you're starting to push he's trying to put it off because he doesn't want them.

I agree with this.

I really don't think he wants children, full stop. And I think he has only said that he has changed his mind, in order to keep the OP sweet.

OP, have a heart to heart and ask him if he really does want children. Ask him why. Ask him what he is looking forward to about it, and what he is fearful of, is he worried about finances etc etc.

I think if you have that conversation, you will probably get a very, very good idea of whether he wants kids or not. If he doesn't, he'll have a hard time coming up with some real things that he's looking forward to, and will probably just say something very generic. And, he'd probably have many, many more things he's fearful about. If he really does want kids, then I would expect the opposite to be happen (ie, lots of things to look forward too, and fewer things he's scared of).

scheming_gypsy

euronorris wrote: »

OP, have a heart to heart and ask him if he really does want children. .

i'd go down a different route; i'd say (if i was a woman obviously) that i was thinking of having a hysterectomy because it doesn't look like we'll be having kids. If his response is "oh thank f*^k for that" rather than "what? why, I thought we were going to have a family...."
then you'll have your answer.

magenta22

Know how you feel there, my OH said a few weeks ago about how we should start thinking about trying for a baby as I brought the subject up a few weeks before. Has said that he desperately wants to be a dad but is scared about the fact that you suddenly have someone who is totally dependant on you and you might get things wrong.

Everytime a baby is shown on TV (which seems to be a lot since we talked about it!) he always gets gushy but when I mentioned about making an appointment with the nurse because I am due to run out of my pill, he was oh yes you have to go to the nurse for that! I was hoping he would say about coming off it and start trying but it seems that although he is ready at the same time - he isn't!

I think it could be the same for you, it is a scary thought having a child. We don't get training on how to look after them and are just supposed to know and although most of it will be natural instinct you do think about what if you get it wrong. Having a baby is a big decision, you can't send it back if you decide you don't like it.
I would say talk to him but I know it's difficult because you don't want to pressurise them into having a baby if they are not ready, it has to be a joint decision.

Men see getting married differently to women, it's just not as important to them as it is to us. Although it may be better to be married before having a baby, it's not essential to be married first.

euronorris

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

i'd go down a different route; i'd say (if i was a woman obviously) that i was thinking of having a hysterectomy because it doesn't look like we'll be having kids. If his response is "oh thank f*^k for that" rather than "what? why, I thought we were going to have a family...."
then you'll have your answer.

That might not work. He might respond with "what? why? I thought you wanted to have a family", which would then lead to a very confrontational argument I fear.

scheming_gypsy

euronorris wrote: »

That might not work. He might respond with "what? why? I thought you wanted to have a family", which would then lead to a very confrontational argument I fear.

Then the answer will be 'yeah but you don't you b*st*rd so i might as well have them ripped out!!!'. Followed by lots of tears and a heart to heart.