How do I stop thinking about a baby??

Kay_Peel

Mother Nature has a very good way of telling us that we ought to start think about making babies - she gets under your skin and she bellows in your ear hard and long. She won't go away, even though you try everything to shut her off. Without that impulse many of us would have gone on thinking that we would 'get round to it' eventually (ie either too late or never).

Your feelings are natural, healthy and important. For a start, they are bringing matters to a head with your fiance.

He's 34 not 24, so if he isn't ready now then I don't hold out much hope for a change of heart soon. By the time he's approaching 40, he'll probably say that he's too old and set in his ways to let a baby disrupt his perfect life. You meanwhile have worked and made sacrifices to arrive at a place where, if you both wanted to, you could start a family.

Don't suppress these natural yearnings. It's Mother Nature pressing you and warning you that you might have to make a heartbreaking choice - childless but engaged to your OH versus motherhood with some other man.

It's a very difficult one - good luck with it.

Nixer

Kay_Peel wrote: »

He's 34 not 24, so if he isn't ready now then I don't hold out much hope for a change of heart soon. .

Not necessarily. I wasn't remotely interested until I was about 35 or 36 (I'm female though). My partner was largely ambivalent from the time I first knew him (age 30) and is now at age 41 coming round to the idea, though I am now 38 so it may well not happen. At 25 the OP does have time on her side.

mucklebones

Kay_Peel wrote: »

Mother Nature has a very good way of telling us that we ought to start think about making babies - she gets under your skin and she bellows in your ear hard and long. She won't go away, even though you try everything to shut her off. Without that impulse many of us would have gone on thinking that we would 'get round to it' eventually (ie either too late or never).

Your feelings are natural, healthy and important. For a start, they are bringing matters to a head with your fiance.

He's 34 not 24, so if he isn't ready now then I don't hold out much hope for a change of heart soon. By the time he's approaching 40, he'll probably say that he's too old and set in his ways to let a baby disrupt his perfect life. You meanwhile have worked and made sacrifices to arrive at a place where, if you both wanted to, you could start a family.

Don't suppress these natural yearnings. It's Mother Nature pressing you and warning you that you might have to make a heartbreaking choice - childless but engaged to your OH versus motherhood with some other man.

It's a very difficult one - good luck with it.

Agree with this completely.

MarilynMonroe_2

If he's not ready don't do it unless you can possibly face a future of being a single mum, and I speak from experience.

( Another way to get you rmind off it is borrow a baby for a few weeks, honestly, you might change your mind )

Youve got time on your side, dont rush into anything - and him being 34 is nothing. If its meant to be it will, one way or the other xx

Emmzi

babysit a 7/8 year old when they are at the "I want" and testing your boundaries age. Is a joy...

claire16c

Ive got to agree with Kay. Hes 34 hes not a child. He needs to confirm with you one way or another exactly what he wants. Id get him to start talking about it.

BugglyB

Emmzi wrote: »

babysit a 7/8 year old when they are at the "I want" and testing your boundaries age. Is a joy...

In kindness and with respect, that is an unhelpful thing to say to a woman who is struggling with wanting a baby but not being able to have one for whatever reason.

Friends/colleagues do make comments like that a lot - 'well if you had mine for ten minutes on a sunday morning you'd soon change your mind!!' - and I know its out of trying to make someone feel better, but if you really want to be a parent - the whole experience, warts and all - than anything else it really just feels like a slap in the face.

scheming_gypsy

If he didn't want a baby at 29 but changed his mind at 30 then my money is going on him lying to you so you didn't start to think about leaving him for somebody who will give you a baby.
If he changed his mind about wanting a baby 4 years ago you'd have one or two by now, but he told you he wants kids and now you're starting to push he's trying to put it off because he doesn't want them.

gratefulforhelp_2

go_cat wrote: »

You have been engaged for 6 years and he won't commit to a date or a child
Time for a serious chat :eek:

You do need to do this.

Kay_Peel wrote: »

Mother Nature has a very good way of telling us that we ought to start think about making babies - she gets under your skin and she bellows in your ear hard and long. She won't go away, even though you try everything to shut her off. Without that impulse many of us would have gone on thinking that we would 'get round to it' eventually (ie either too late or never).

Your feelings are natural, healthy and important. For a start, they are bringing matters to a head with your fiance.

He's 34 not 24, so if he isn't ready now then I don't hold out much hope for a change of heart soon. By the time he's approaching 40, he'll probably say that he's too old and set in his ways to let a baby disrupt his perfect life. You meanwhile have worked and made sacrifices to arrive at a place where, if you both wanted to, you could start a family.

Don't suppress these natural yearnings. It's Mother Nature pressing you and warning you that you might have to make a heartbreaking choice - childless but engaged to your OH versus motherhood with some other man.

It's a very difficult one - good luck with it.

Excellently well said :j:j:j

OP I would suggest you read a book called "Babyshock" back with a linky if I can find one.

eta https://www.amazon.co.uk/Baby-Shock-Elizabeth-Martyn/dp/0091856590/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1320221049&sr=1-1

Brighton_belle

For me, 'engagement' is a result of an absolute committment to get married and is therefore the name you attach to the date limited period in between the decision and the marriage. A vague drifting 6 yrs with no sign of enthusaim to get on with that committment renders the engagement a bit meaningless -window dressing. What is he waiting for? He is 34 not 24.
It is also a big indicator of his approach to having children - giving placatory assurances every so often with no substance or committment. It seems he is unable to make any substantial committment to your shared future.
Of course, he mustn't do it if he doen't feel ready. But what if he never does?
My own thoughts (and purely my own opinion, not a moral judgement) is that you should think about marriage before children as it gives you much more protection if your OH suddenly dies and unmarried you are left not even next of kin...or should you go through a difficult patch.
And have you seen the number of threads that appear on here from women in anguish who had the kids and then cannot get their OH's to marry them...because they don't see the point.

OP,only you know if your OH is well worth this - if you feel in every other respect loved and cherished and valued then you need to wait til he is ready. But do think you need to be sure that you want him more than you want kids.