I don't like my mother!

RevolvingDoor

Boots888 wrote: »

I've read the thread and it's heartbreaking. My Mum said some very cruel things to me over the years but I could never imagine not forgiving her. But that's me and I don't know but....
You girls are going to have to let it go now. Come the new year.
You are people in your own right, you are not your mothers. I know its good to talk about it and I've followed this thread from when it started way back. But it being Christmas day and with all the struggles people are having to confront today, not just lonelyness, but famine and war, d'you think you could just forgive your mothers and let things be.
If you are being tortoured by her, to this day, at your age, then let her go. But For crying out loud, & I know I don't have to read this thread if I don't like it, maybe if you weren't so defensive and showed some love instead of berating your mothers, you might find what you're looking for has been staring you in the face all along.

You are entitled to your opinion of course but I found your post incredibly unhelpful. I don't buy into this idea of having to forgive someone even if they have done horrible things to you, especially if they are your own flesh and blood.

building_with_lego

I'm not sure Boots has actually understood the thread, if she has read it.

Boots, for those of us without narcissistic mothers some of the behaviour described above is utterly incomprehensible. Unfortunately an awful lot of people do experience this type of 'mothering' and deal with it as best they can at the time. Some will be forever disabled by it; others will overcome it eventually, but I'm not sure that your advice is entirely helpful on a thread such as this.

Edit: you need to understand that the people posting here have had literally a lifetime of being put down and dismissed. I for one can't imagine what toll that would have on my self esteem- they are literally groomed to take abuse.

Own_My_Own

Boots888 wrote: »

you only have one mother.

THANK F**K !!!

And if I had a penny for every time someone, with no idea what they were talking about, said that to me, I would be a millionaire

RevolvingDoor

Boots888 wrote: »

Well seems to me that you're not the only one. But why, if you don't buy into the idea of forgiving someone even if they've done horrible things to you, do you feel the need to not to forget about it and bang on about it, often still years later, on a forum, to a bunch of strangers. Take comfort with those that have had the same experiences as you, sure, but talk about your grievences to those that have offended you - only then can you resolve the issues that you have, nobody else. It becomes hysterical and like a witch hunt. Granted you can forgive but you can't forget, you need to rake it up with the right people, don't you! I'm saying maturity brings wisdom and you only have one mother.

Bang on about it?:rotfl:I've only mentioned it once on a forum today. Sometimes reading and sharing painful experiences can be a way to connect with people and let them know that you can relate and chatting on a forum is an anonymous way of doing this.

I'm glad I only had one mother, I don't think I could have coped with two of her!:eek:

marisco_2

Boots888 wrote: »

But For crying out loud, & I know I don't have to read this thread if I don't like it, maybe if you weren't so defensive and showed some love instead of berating your mothers, you might find what you're looking for has been staring you in the face all along.

Having read a large number of the posts on here, the decision to cut contact with a parent has not come about suddenly, for the vast majority of posters who have shared their experiences. Many posters have tolerated all manner of awful treatment over very prolonged periods before taking this action. I feel that to suggest they aren't so defensive and should show some love, instead of berating people they know better than anyone else is an insensitive thing to suggest. Sometimes you need to walk a mile in someones shoes before you criticise their decisions.

Boots888

building_with_lego wrote: »

I'm not sure Boots has actually understood the thread, if she has read it.

Boots, for those of us without narcissistic mothers some of the behaviour described above is utterly incomprehensible. Unfortunately an awful lot of people do experience this type of 'mothering' and deal with it as best they can at the time. Some will be forever disabled by it; others will overcome it eventually, but I'm not sure that your advice is entirely helpful on a thread such as this.

Edit: you need to understand that the people posting here have had literally a lifetime of being put down and dismissed. I for one can't imagine what toll that would have on my self esteem- they are literally groomed to take abuse.

And I understand that and it makes me sad. I've been put down myself. I've felt like a mouse for years because of it and at the wrong time come out like a tiger and a few times got in trouble for it. I'm trying to say get strong and don't tolerate it, I spent many years being weak and a victim but when I did fight back I became stronger.

I'm sorry, having been there fought back, I've little sympathy for those that haven't yet done the same.

It's called... compassion fatigue.

Own_My_Own

Boots888 wrote: »

And I understand that and it makes me sad. I've been put down myself. I've felt like a mouse for years because of it and at the wrong time come out like a tiger and a few times got in trouble for it. I'm trying to say get strong and don't tolerate it, I spent many years being weak and a victim but when I did fight back I became stronger.

I'm sorry, having been there fought back, I've little sympathy for those that haven't yet done the same.

It's called... compassion fatigue.

An abusive partner and an abusive mother are 2 completely different things, and trying to compare them is idiotic.

An abusive partner can become an ex partner and you can get a new one partner.
I can not get a new mother. I can not get another childhood and start again.

Adults let themselves become abused partners, I and the other posters on here had no choice as children.

Abused partners still have a time in their lives to look back on with some joy. Abused children do not.

And by abuse I mean mental not just physical, although I suffered both.

Own_My_Own

Boots888 wrote: »

Ooooooooooooooog Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu B**ch!!

Told you I was afraid to catch up on my posts due to nasty comments like yours. Didn't take long did it!

Don't give what you cannot take back.:D

Torry_Quine

I cannot begin to imagine what some of you have had to put up with as regards your mothers. The decision to have no contact will not have been taken lightly and I hope that you can all find peace.

RevolvingDoor

Own_My_Own wrote: »

An abusive partner and an abusive mother are 2 completely different things, and trying to compare them is idiotic.
An abusive partner can become an ex partner and you can get a new one partner.
I can not get a new mother. I can not get another childhood and start again.
Adults let themselves become abused partners, I and the other posters on here had no choice as children.
Abused partners still have a time in their lives to look back on with some joy. Abused children do not.
And by abuse I mean mental not just physical, although I suffered both.

Yes.

Also children don't have the ability to leave an abusive home because they are kids and don't have any power.