The Buffy buys a House diary.......

Buffythedebtslayer

Just wrote a REALLY Long post and lost it.

nuts.

Broke off a friendship tonight, with a bloke I have essentially been in love with and I know he doesn't have any feelings for me. I KNOW this.He is a good guy. We have been friends for 8 years. It hurts and I feel quite vunerable. Sad.

Anyhow this has triggered all kinds of thoughts. big swirling mess in my head tonight.

Still haven't finished the tree.

The future I kept hoping for has gone now. Not that I really thought it would ever happen but it was a comforting sort of fantasy.

Need to get real about many things.

Night all xxx

RosaBernicia

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Face book is a utter nightmare. I WISH it had never been invented.

I read this last night... 12 step plan to quit FB... it doesn't bother me, but I have never taken it very seriously to start with . I just see it as a useful way of keeping in touch with friends abroad and swopping silly banter.

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

The future I kept hoping for has gone now. Not that I really thought it would ever happen but it was a comforting sort of fantasy.

Can't remember who said it but someone did... if you can see the path laid out, step one, two, three - then it's not your path, it's someone else's. You may find a future that's better than you hoped.

:grouphug:

Rosa xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Its weird. I feel massively sad but at the same time I do feel free, like I have a blank slate for the new year. Like if I can do what ever I wanted.

He didn't hold me back exactly but becasue I loved him I never looked elsewhere for anything.

He was my hope and my love. Sad again! He was a good friend too. But I know I have done the right thing. I have my friends around me. I must move on.

Buffythedebtslayer

I can't sleep.

I didn't finish the tree and I have set my alarm for 8.10 tomorrow. In order to get through this mixture of depression stress and a broke heart I am going for the old fashioned "cure" of having a plan and keeping busy. I should feel like everything is collapsing (and I am sure this feeling will come) but I don't, I feel I have a new beginning.

I cannot think of moving or changing my job at the moment. I just have to manage day to day week to week.

I have made the decision to deal with my life in 3 month chunks.

First Chunk 22nd December to 22nd March.

1. Pay off 1500 to CC (CC bill will still be there, dependant on dental work plans.)

2. Save 1000 as an emergency fund.

3. have lost a stone.

4. Stay at the Gym and learn to use the scary machines.

5. Most importantly - keep up at work.

6. Complete next Masters assignment.

7. Book one holiday.

I want to cry.

xxx

Northern_Lassy

Hello Buffy x I think you are right that moving and leaving your support network would be too much if you are feeling vulnerable at the moment.
I think this time of year is very difficult, with the expectation that we should all be happy and festive and that everything should be fabulous.
I like the idea of breaking thngs down into do-able chunks, might pinch that myself for a New Year plan...
You are not on your own in feeling stressed and down I promise x Things will get better x

tenmah

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Its weird. I feel massively sad but at the same time I do feel free, like I have a blank slate for the new year. Like if I can do what ever I wanted.

He didn't hold me back exactly but becasue I loved him I never looked elsewhere for anything.

He was my hope and my love. Sad again! He was a good friend too. But I know I have done the right thing. I have my friends around me. I must move on.

The bold bit sprang out at me Buffy. It is what happened to me. I met the love of my life and when we split up I couldn't (and didn't ever) move on. Anyone else I met was held up to him to compare and never came anywhere near, so consequently I am 50 and on my own and not really likely to meet anyone now.

So I am really pleased you have taken the bull by the horns and sorted it now before you became like me! It is hard but you have a lot of friends around you who will keep you strong xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Northern_Lassy wrote: »

Hello Buffy x I think you are right that moving and leaving your support network would be too much if you are feeling vulnerable at the moment.
I think this time of year is very difficult, with the expectation that we should all be happy and festive and that everything should be fabulous.
I like the idea of breaking thngs down into do-able chunks, might pinch that myself for a New Year plan...
You are not on your own in feeling stressed and down I promise x Things will get better x

thank you Northern Lassy xxx

tenmah wrote: »

The bold bit sprang out at me Buffy. It is what happened to me. I met the love of my life and when we split up I couldn't (and didn't ever) move on. Anyone else I met was held up to him to compare and never came anywhere near, so consequently I am 50 and on my own and not really likely to meet anyone now.

So I am really pleased you have taken the bull by the horns and sorted it now before you became like me! It is hard but you have a lot of friends around you who will keep you strong xx

I don't think being like you would be a bad thing Tenmah! xxxx

I just keep hoping he will turn up or text or something when I know he won't. :embarasse:cry::wall:



Feel all over the show today and don't especially want to sit still and think.


I am listening to Radio 4 which is good for perspective (and making you feel really stupid)

I am going to sort out the Chritmas boxes to go back in the loft.

xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

had a very nice afternoon at my Friend's house with her little boy, he is SO good and funny!

I am mostly hungry and having come home to the tree I am feeling better. I do have a fresh start for 2012.

I miss him. but I will simply have to get on with it till I feel better.

xxx

beanielou

What Tenmah says is so true.
Dont be like me a bitter twisted soon to be 50 old bat.

Ellidee

beanielou wrote: »

What Tenmah says is so true.
Dont be like me a bitter twisted soon to be 50 old bat.

beanie you are most definitely NONE of the above ( except your age) - you are the nicest, kindest most supportive person on these boards . So there missus ! :A:kisses3: