Bought clothes for toddler niece but she never wore them

balletshoes

nancypearl wrote: »

My sil and partner are financially strapped.
I bought loads of clothes from Boden for my toddler niece. I have never seen her in any of them or any photos of her in them. Sil dresses her in charity shop clothes, primark, hand-me-downs from friends and home-made.
I genuinely believed that some clothes would be welcomed and worn as sil has previously said how much she would like to be able to afford to buy from Boden.
I appreciate that Sil has her own taste and niece is her daughter so she can dress her how she likes. Could I have got it so wrong?
I can't help feeling disapointed that my gesture was rejected.

Please reply honestly. I would rather be told the truth from mother's who have in-laws that buy their kids clothes. I can't ask Sil, obviously.

If its upsetting you, I think you should ask your sister-in-law (if only to save you getting it "so wrong" if thats actually the case, in future). You could just ask her next time you see her if the clothes you bought didn't fit, and see where the conversation goes from there.

nancypearl

Thankyou for your responses. I was not expecting the variety of opinion and it will take me a little time to process all of my reactions to them.

balletshoes

sassyblue wrote: »

If sil did put her in the clothes it's natural to assume she would have photographed her wearing them, if people have given my DS nice things l've always photographed him wearing them and returned with a thank you note, but then l am nice like that.

see I don't think its natural to assume that at all - I've never expected to see photos of my nieces/nephews in clothes I've bought them, nor have I photographed my daughter in new clothes she's been given as gifts - it would never occur to me (or anyone I know) to do that. We say thank you when we get the gift, or if its been sent we phone the sender and say thank you.

Mupette

nancypearl wrote: »

My sil and partner are financially strapped.
I bought loads of clothes from Boden for my toddler niece. I have never seen her in any of them or any photos of her in them. Sil dresses her in charity shop clothes, primark, hand-me-downs from friends and home-made.
I genuinely believed that some clothes would be welcomed and worn as sil has previously said how much she would like to be able to afford to buy from Boden.
I appreciate that Sil has her own taste and niece is her daughter so she can dress her how she likes. Could I have got it so wrong?
I can't help feeling disapointed that my gesture was rejected.

Please reply honestly. I would rather be told the truth from mother's who have in-laws that buy their kids clothes. I can't ask Sil, obviously.

not to sound rude as it isnt ment to be, you sound like my ex husband who would buy our son clothes and then run off to the solicitor and say i wasn't letting our son wear them, or say the money he was giving me as maintenance was not being used to buy clothes, all because he never saw our son in them..

son wore them, but his father only saw him once a fortnight and so unless i made our son wear these clothes on the day he saw them, he wouldnt see them...


next time you see her, ask her if the clothes fitted your neice, are they nice and warm with the cold weather comming up..

personally i wouldnt sell the clothes, as it would of been one less thing to buy and i would of been grateful for the clothes..

jellyhead

I think Nancy is getting quite a hard time on here, when all she wanted to do was find out if she had done the right thing.

Nancy, as Christmas is coming up you have the opportunity to ask if there's anything in particular that you can get for your niece. You could ask if the Boden clothes were a good fit, or would she prefer a different size, a voucher so she can choose her own style, a different shop or even a non-clothing gift in future.

As has been said, not all kids wear clothes with their actual age on the label - neither of mine did. My eldest is tiny and my youngest is a giant. People used to buy things for my eldest that would never fit because he was too thin for them (although you bought dresses, so the waistband isn't a problem there). With my eldest I have to shop around for wide clothes because he has very wide shoulders, huge wrists etc. so I can't just go to a shop and buy him a coat, for example. Even if people bought clothes that were a good fit they'd have had to wait a couple of years before my eldest was in that size, and my youngest would be 2 or 3 sizes bigger than people had bought. He was given age 6-7 t-shirts for his 6th birthday, for example, whereas age 9-10 is what he needs, and even then not all shops come up generous enough.

I've never bought from Boden so I don't know if they are a generous fit. They might be put away for later, or they might be being kept for best at Christmas parties and Christmas day.

It's only just gone cold, so lots of kids only started to wear a coat last week, and I know some of the girls in school aren't wearing tights yet.

Teenie_D

Aw OP it was a really nice gesture and I'm sure your sister does appreciate it.

I can only give you an opinion from the other side as my Sister buys quite a lot of clothes for my DD (us being the 'poor' relatives LOL and she doesn't have any of her own) and I honestly appreciate every single thing I get. The last time my Sis bought a bundle of clothes and his has literally done my DD months but I'm sure my sister hasn't even seen half of the stuff she bought her. Some of the clothes were put away to wear for a special occasion and others just weren't worn when my Sister was around, although if we knew we were specifically seeing my sister I would get DD to wear something that had been bought my her. Other times I've had the good intention fo doing that but DD has spilled something on them before we seen Sis

If my Sister had bought something really expensive then I most definately would have put it away for a special occasion, although you did say you bought her a jacket, I would have used that more often. I do tell my sister though how lovely my DD looks in all the clothes that she wears.

The next time you buy something ask what your sister needs (if anything) my sister tends to ask me if DD needs anything and what size she will need.

Tiddlywinks

balletshoes wrote: »

see I don't think its natural to assume that at all - I've never expected to see photos of my nieces/nephews in clothes I've bought them, nor have I photographed my daughter in new clothes she's been given as gifts - it would never occur to me (or anyone I know) to do that. We say thank you when we get the gift, or if its been sent we phone the sender and say thank you.

I agree, why should someone have to go out of their way to demonstrate use of a gift? It's a gift and so how the receiver chooses to use it is up to them. "Proof" should not be required.

gratefulforhelp_2

It's a lovely kind gesture I would be pleased.

Maybe she did sell them but I would hope only if she really really needed the cash.

It would be lovely if I could dress my kids in the clothes people had bought them on the days they saw those people, but frankly they wear what is clean and (sometimes) ironed.

My ex MIL used to send deeply inappropriate clothing for DD and I used to exchange it (think playboy bunny type things for a 4 yo), so she didn't see her wearing the stuff, but I had changed it for things I would actually let her wear.

jascrawf

nancypearl wrote: »

I see the family often. Sil has bought similar Boden clothes from charity shops for niece. Sil said she like them when I gave them to her.

I genuinely thought that a couple of dresses, some tights, a cardigan and a coat would be worn.

I think I will just wait until nice is old enough to choose her own clothes from whichever catalogue I have around and buy something she picks out herself.

I personally would flat out ask her about the clothes. I think you have every right to. Beating around the bush and being hush-hush about things isn't healthy and there are ways in which you can phrase something so it doesn't offend. Something along the lines of "Did those Boden clothes I bought for X fit her ok? I haven't seen her in them and I was worried I'd chosen the wrong ones?" It's not offensive or accusing her of anything, it's just asking a question. Of course, you may not get the truth and you have to be prepared for an answer you might not like, but I would most definitely ask her. It was a very kind gesture and I'd love a SIL like you. :happyhear

Lyger

It was a nice thing to do, so I wouldn't say you're out of line. However, once a gift is given, it really is out of your hands. If your SIL has them tucked up away somewhere, is using them as dish rags, or has sold them isn't your business - and at least the gift is getting some sort of use somewhere, right?

I'd say that there is a very simple explanation - the clothes very likely don't fit yet. Children grow rapidly, often in spurts. On another forum I read, I see numerous posts from parents panicking about a gift of baby clothes they have received because they don't fit. If the clothes were too big, odds are you'll see the child in them when they've grown into them. If they were too small, could your SIL be worried about upsetting you by letting you know? I wouldn't ask your SIL about the clothes - I'm sure she was grateful for the gift. Maybe in future though, if you want to spend a bit more, discuss with your SIL what she would find useful or *needs* first?