it would all be great but............

aliasojo

balletshoes wrote: »

from a bystander's point of view (I don't have a MIL) some of the posters who have vehemently opposed the OPs point of view are those who could probably imagine their ex-MIL (or ex auntIL, ex grandmaIL) say the same thing when they split up with the fathers of their children. Or they are offended by the thought that anyone would say that about a woman who had split up with the father of her child and moved on.

I do often think people are not replying to a post in a detached way and their own personal experiences creep in. Daft really, considering there are so many variables with people and we have no hope of knowing whether our own experiences are relevant or not.

That's for them to work on though, however the OP reads, two 'wrongs' don't make a right.

euronorris

aliasojo wrote: »

Jo I'm not defending her as I think her thoughts were unfair BUT she is emotionally involved and upset right now. It's hardly surprising her comments were a little heated.

The rest of us are not involved and should really have been able to post in a more level way. We don't have that 'emotional' aspect so why word posts in such an unpleasant way?

(Not aimed particularly at you btw, just a general thought.)

I think for a lot of people who have posted though, that this IS an emotional subject for them. Many of them may have been on the receiving end of such comments from their MIL/ex MIL (or similar), so it is equally difficult for them to respond without being so emotional.

Personally, of the people I have known personally, with the same/similar attitudes as the OP, the majority of them aren't emotional about it as such, just particularly judgmental. Taking the softly, softly approach has never worked with any of them, but bluntness has sometimes worked.

aliasojo

Euro I think my post #82 replies to your post #83.

euronorris

aliasojo wrote: »

That's for them to work on though, however the OP reads, two 'wrongs' don't make a right.

Shouldn't that also apply to the OP then? No matter how upset she feels about the situation, it doesn't make it OK for her to be so nasty about the mother of her grandson.

Lotus-eater

balletshoes wrote: »

then quite honestly (and I don't believe in having a go for the sake of it on forums) you shouldn't post personal stuff. This is a public forum and so anyone can post their opinion, whether thats nicely put or not. This isn't even the worst forum (or the worst bit of this forum) for personal insults and differences of opinion.

You know why people didn't like their posts being moved to the arms a while ago? Because it always disintegrated into name calling and stupidness. Threads used to have a plea at the front to stop them being moved.
Then the rules changed and IMO so did this board.

That's because you always got good advice on this board. Not everyone would agree with you, but it was generally done in a polite, good way of disagreeing.

You've all lost your chance of speaking normally to this lady anyway by your spitefulness. Doesn't matter if you thought she was spiteful, you've lost your chance to change her mind.

Well done :T

aliasojo

euronorris wrote: »

Shouldn't that also apply to the OP then? No matter how upset she feels about the situation, it doesn't make it OK for her to be so nasty about the mother of her grandson.

As I said, I didn't think it right the OP held such opinions BUT that doesn't give others licence to be nasty.

As has been pointed out by others above, points could easily have been made in a better way.

As it stands, some of the more relevent points are overshadowed by the nastiness. All I can remember is the nasty posts tbh. I certainly wouldn't take advice from someone who couldn't make their point in a calm adult fashion without resorting to phrasing it in a nasty way.

balletshoes

Lotus-eater wrote: »

You know why people didn't like their posts being moved to the arms a while ago? Because it always disintegrated into name calling and stupidness. Threads used to have a plea at the front to stop them being moved.
Then the rules changed and IMO so did this board.

That's because you always got good advice on this board. Not everyone would agree with you, but it was generally done in a polite, good way of disagreeing.

You've all lost your chance of speaking normally to this lady anyway by your spitefulness. Doesn't matter if you thought she was spiteful, you've lost your chance to change her mind.

Well done :T

is that "you" as in those who you consider were spiteful in this thread, or "you" as in all of us who have posted in this thread? Because honestly, where have I been spiteful in any of this?

aliasojo

I think that was a general 'you' balletshoes, aimed at those who were a bit unpleasant?.

euronorris

aliasojo wrote: »

As I said, I didn't think it right the OP held such opinions BUT that doesn't give others licence to be nasty.

No, it doesn't. You're right. I'm not trying to say it does, just explaining why it has. It shouldn't be surprising that others have been nasty in their responses, given the OP.

I don't think it's right, but I am not suprised one bit. If I had posted something like that, I would expect an equally strong response. Especially on a public internet forum like this.

The OP posted what she did, probably due to being emotionally involved and upset. Equally, it hits a nerve with many posters, and so some have responded in a nasty way.

Just as she is not infallible, neither are they.

Lotus-eater

balletshoes wrote: »

is that "you" as in those who you consider were spiteful in this thread, or "you" as in all of us who have posted in this thread? Because honestly, where have I been spiteful in any of this?

Anyone that wasn't as good as they should be. Not you in particular. Apart from the usual suspects, I haven't looked at who posted what tbh.