it would all be great but............

Lotus-eater

Birdy12 wrote: »

Lotus-eater, I'm in agreement with you when you say some of the comments posted here have been less than kind but I stand by what I said earlier - if you post a thread, you should be prepared for a MIXTURE of reactions.

Don't worry, I wouldn't think she will be posting here again.

Everyone is entitled to their view, no one is entitled to being treated the way this lady has. There are ways of disagreeing without going to insults.

I can take the cut and thrust of debate, the name calling, the personal comments. Not everyone can, or wants to.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Don't worry, I wouldn't think she will be posting here again.

Everyone is entitled to their view, no one is entitled to being treated the way this lady has. There are ways of disagreeing without going to insults.

I can take the cut and thrust of debate, the name calling, the personal comments. Not everyone can, or wants to.

Taking into consideration the way she spoke of the mother of her first grandchild, the irony of this comment is considerable.

aliasojo

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Taking into consideration the way she spoke of the mother of her first grandchild, the irony of this comment is considerable.

Jo I'm not defending her as I think her thoughts were unfair BUT she is emotionally involved and upset right now. It's hardly surprising her comments were a little heated.

The rest of us are not involved and should really have been able to post in a more level way. We don't have that 'emotional' aspect so why word posts in such an unpleasant way?

(Not aimed particularly at you btw, just a general thought.)

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

On a side note: When i told my nan (who is of the older generation) that I was pregnant she asked "whose the dad"

I was fuming - until she told me that she was unsure because i "hang around" with a lot of men - apprentley she believes im sleeping with them all because they are friends ( cheers nan!)

balletshoes

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Don't worry, I wouldn't think she will be posting here again.

Everyone is entitled to their view, no one is entitled to being treated the way this lady has. There are ways of disagreeing without going to insults.

I can take the cut and thrust of debate, the name calling, the personal comments. Not everyone can, or wants to.

then quite honestly (and I don't believe in having a go for the sake of it on forums) you shouldn't post personal stuff. This is a public forum and so anyone can post their opinion, whether thats nicely put or not. This isn't even the worst forum (or the worst bit of this forum) for personal insults and differences of opinion.

3v3

Birdy12 wrote: »

.... I stand by what I said earlier - if you post a thread, you should be prepared for a MIXTURE of reactions....

Of course there are bound to be differing reactions and points of view. And I'm reasonably sure the OP knows it too.
I think it is the manner those different reactions and points of view have been expressed which is the real problem and most likely the reason the OP hasn't returned.

It was an ideal opportunity for those single mum's who took offense at that angle to explain how full, rewarding (albeit hard work!) and positive their experience is - allaying her anxiety for her G/son

For those who didn't like the son-halo vs partner from hell implication - a fab opportunity to point out that, naturally the OP is biased towards her son but (and a couple of people did try to point this out) don't demonise the little lads mother in front of the little boy, or even her own son.

Etc., etc.

Yes, the OP could have framed her post differently, she didn't because she is vulnerable and asking for help (and may well have been crying at the time of writing, hence the style of writing?). People who have answered have had time to contemplate an answer.

Some posters who have chosed the attack route have lost an opportunity to put their views across in a way in which the OP may well have listened to them (and learned *from* them!). Using an attack strategy has most likely made her turn her back on the thread and reinforced her beliefs.

Such a pity so many opportunities were lost, really.

3v3

balletshoes wrote: »

.....This isn't even the worst forum (or the worst bit of this forum) for personal insults and differences of opinion.

MSE forums are not one of the best either
Martin's mantra is "be nice to all moneysavers" .... maybe he should remove it?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

aliasojo wrote: »

(Not aimed particularly at you btw, just a general thought.)

Not taken personally

But being emotionally involved doesn't make it right to be so spiteful about someone else. Bullies rarely like receiving even a slightest taste of what they are so happy to heap upon others, and quite often they collapse into a heap of 'poor me, why is evwrybody being soooo mean to pawr ickle me?' when they are confronted with what they are doing. Vicious is the only way to describe her. Blunt or plain speaking is how I would describe the posts I have seen in return.



And some think the OP might be a little upset by the answers? Compared to how the boy's mother might feel about how the woman speaks of her?


Nah, not a person I would ever wish on a child to have as a grandparent, if one millisecond of her personality as expressed here is displayed in public.

balletshoes

aliasojo wrote: »

Jo I'm not defending her as I think her thoughts were unfair BUT she is emotionally involved and upset right now. It's hardly surprising her comments were a little heated.

The rest of us are not involved and should really have been able to post in a more level way. We don't have that 'emotional' aspect so why word posts in such an unpleasant way?

(Not aimed particularly at you btw, just a general thought.)

from a bystander's point of view (I don't have a MIL) some of the posters who have vehemently opposed the OPs point of view are those who could probably imagine their ex-MIL (or ex auntIL, ex grandmaIL) say the same thing when they split up with the fathers of their children. Or they are offended by the thought that anyone would say that about a woman who had split up with the father of her child and moved on.

Lotus-eater

3v3 wrote: »

It was an ideal opportunity for those single mum's who took offense at that angle to explain how full, rewarding (albeit hard work!) and positive their experience is - allaying her anxiety for her G/son


Yes, the OP could have framed her post differently, she didn't because she is vulnerable and asking for help (and may well have been crying at the time of writing, hence the style of writing?). People who have answered have had time to contemplate an answer.

Some posters who have chosed the attack route have lost an opportunity to put their views across in a way in which the OP may well have listened to them (and learned *from* them!). Using an attack strategy has most likely made her turn her back on the thread and reinforced her beliefs.

Such a pity so many opportunities were lost, really.

Exactly.

And the "be nice to all moneysavers" comment.