it would all be great but............

oldtractor

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

DUTR

Sadly it is the way of the world nowadays, the child is here now, so the 'mistake' cannot be reversed.

princessdreamer

As a single parent through ex husbands cheating, yes it does come as a shock when people seem to go against everything you were taught to believe. However having had two partners in 6 years does not make your sons ex a !!!!!! nor does it impact her parenting abilities.

claire16c

His ex only had a baby with him because he had s** with her. It takes two to tango.

stsarina

In the nicest of ways, may I suggest that you don't display any of your evident bitterness towards your son's ex to your grandson? As someone who grew up in a very similar situation, I can assure you that it would be all too easy for the little boy to grow up resenting anyone who shows such open hostility to his mother - who, after all, he likely idolises above all others.

dirtysexymonkey

oldtractor wrote: »

he's my problem, I need to come to terms with my family circumstances. My eldest son [early 20's] was in a relationship which resulted in pregnacy for his GF. I wasnt planned but we do really feel the GF had the baby to get away from home and get her own place [on the council]. we are 99% sure of this and believe our son was "caught". Now,they lived together for 2 years ,the relationship broke up and he returned home,terribly hurt and upset,as although she was being very difficult towards him,including bringing in her boyfriend and having sex with him whilst my son was in the house],my son didnt wan to leave because of the child who he deeply loves. my family background is that every one is married and settled me and my DH have been together nearly 30 yrs.mt sons ex comes from a background of single mother and presumably cant see the need for a husband. The ex now has another boyfriend living with her. my grandchild stays with his father[my son] every weekend, he is now 5. but I am so worried about my grandchild. he seems fine but to me parents should be married and living together with father supporting and preferably mother at home. All this modern stuff is totally alien to me and I just wan my son and his ex to be a happy little family as all my relatives are. I just think my grandson is heavily disadvantaged by his mothers sluttishness. I know there is nothing I can do but the whole thing upsets me.

if anything hes been equally as disadvantaged by you not raising your son to respect himself and women and to have safe sex only. so his sluttishness and your disgusting 'parenting' have contributed to this.

who do you think you are speaking of the mother of your grandson like this? how dare you? you shouldnt be allowed near this child with your horrible attitude. i hope the grandson finds out exactly what you think of his mother and never has anything to do with you.

Lotus-eater

The best thing you can do is be the best grandmother to him you can. Nothing is going to change the situation.

FBaby

I hope my circumstances will reassure you a bit. I'm a parent with care, have two children 8 and 11 who live with me and see their dad every week-end. My background is very different to your son's ex (I'm assuming from what you are writting) as I am well educated and hold a good job, but the situation is that I've always worked full-time to support my family, even when my children were babies, and my ex and I never married. We were separated when they were 3 and 18 months.

Fastforward and I have two wonderful children I couldnt' be prouder off. They are well behaved, very polite, doing excellent at school, and most importantly very happy. I am now with a new partner as is their dad and they get along very well with everyone. My ex's new girlfriend and all her family have taken them on in their family as my new partner's family. They are actually very lucky to have such a large family with everyone loving them. Things between my ex and I are not great, but we both went the best for the kids and most of the time manage to compromise on both sides, accept to be flexible and communicate ok.

I've been very lucky that I've never felt judge, neither have my children because of our situation. I have many friends who are married and have included me in family/friends gathering. My kids are always invited to parties. I think in the end most people will care much more about how well behaved the children are then their family situation.

All this to say that your grand-son doesn't have a doomed future because his parents are not married. What could do damage though is if you build this idea in his head. In the end, he has a mother who might not be perfect but is ok, and a father who loves him and sees regularly as well as you as grand-parents.

lizzie_b

What a horrible opinion to have of your grandsons maternal family.
I'm sorry but what a dull and miserable world it would be for us all to be the same.
Your son had a hand in bringing a child into the world, be it a mistake or not.
I dont think calling the mother a !!!!!! or feeling such obvious hatred towards her is going to build a loving lasting relationship with your grandson is it.
Maybe you should try to come to terms with the fact that families are not the same anymore as they once were, but that this brings no greater disadvantage to a child than being in a family where mum and dad are married but cant actually stand each other.
As long as the child is loved by both maternal and paternal families, there is no harm in separated parents.
xxxx

Caroline73_2

She only 'caught' your son because he was having unprotected sex with her.

You sound like my ex mother in law. She said similar about me because my new partner moved in with me two years after I split with her son. Our son was 6 at the time. She doesn't know that her precious son cheated on me and told me to abort our son. Fast forward seven years, I'm still with my partner and very happy. We have another child. My ex has another child who he never sees and is now with someone else.

anguk

Firstly your son wasn't "caught", he willingly had sex with a girl and she fell pregnant, he is as responsible for birth control as she is. Secondly, the child's mother isn't a !!!!!! just because she has a boyfriend, she's perfectly entitled to have her own life, she doesn't have to become celibate just because she's not with your son. Do you expect your son to never have another girlfriend again? Or do you think your son and this girl should have stayed together unhappily just to fulfil your idea of a perfect family?

I understand that this may seem alien to you if everyone you know is happily married with traditional roles but just because your grandson's parents are separated it doesn't mean he's going to suffer. My SIL raised her two girls on her own after their father left when they were young, they have grown up into wonderful young women who are now married with children of their own.

Sadly you're just going to have to accept the way things are, love your grandson and enjoy him and definitely don't criticise his mother in front of him because that could harm him much more than his parents being separated.