Partner hit me...

Kay_Peel

There are three key points that are worrying:

1. The anger management thing: when it is clear that the attacker is well able to manage his anger until he is safe to unleash it.

2. The alcohol thing: it isn't a reason to hit someone and neither is it an excuse. Drunks control their behaviour and take responsibility for themselves usually - others think that alcohol gives them permission to be aggressive/amorous/uninhibited.

3. The number and frequency of attacks: Statistically, the victim is unlikely to seek help from agencies or call the police until after 20 separate incidents, spaced closer and closer together. That's an awful lot of black eyes and sore lips.

pearl123

I told a snipet of my life story because I was stunned by some of the people on this forum. It seems that some people think that voilence ends with a few slaps.
I have not been the only person to complain about certain people as you will see if you look threw this thread completely.
Yes... it is a hightly emotive subject. Is is any wonder why! And normaly, it would not get a rise out of me.
Being a victim of voilence is tragic and it stays with you forever.

By the way their is no balanced opinion when it come to domestic abuse.... there is the voilent partner /bully/oppresser and the victim. There is no equality/balance in that relationship!

DUTR

pearl123 wrote: »

I told a snipet of my life story because I was stunned by some of the people on this forum. It seems that some people think that voilence ends with a few slaps.
I have not been the only person to complain about certain people as you will see if you look threw this thread completely.
Yes... it is a hightly emotive subject. Is is any wonder why! And normaly, it would not get a rise out of me.
Being a victim of voilence is tragic and it stays with you forever.

By the way their is no balanced opinion when it come to domestic abuse.... there is the voilent partner /bully/oppresser and the victim. There is no equality/balance in that relationship!

We are not the people that abused you, and some of us have been victims too (but that does not matter because we are male?) difference is how we deal with it in the long term, since we are all individual characters then we deal with trauma in individual ways, it does not mean your situation is any more traumatic than mine or anyone else's.
and as the forum rules suggest...Please be nice to all MoneySavers. That’s the forum motto. Remember the prime aim is to help provide info and resources. If you don’t like someone, their situation, their question or feel they’re intruding on ‘your board’ then please bite the bullet and think of the bigger issue...

Marker_2

pearl123 wrote: »

I told a snipet of my life story because I was stunned by some of the people on this forum. It seems that some people think that voilence ends with a few slaps.
I have not been the only person to complain about certain people as you will see if you look threw this thread completely.
Yes... it is a hightly emotive subject. Is is any wonder why! And normaly, it would not get a rise out of me.
Being a victim of voilence is tragic and it stays with you forever.

By the way their is no balanced opinion when it come to domestic abuse.... there is the voilent partner /bully/oppresser and the victim.

Sometimes violence does end with a few slaps, that is the point I have been trying to make. SOMETIMES, a few slaps is all it is, and then the rest is happy go lucky life.

You (and others) have basically been saying that one slap leads to all out violence and worse case scenario death. Which is just not true at all.

There are so many scenarios of could be's. When I joined this thread the majority of posts consisted of 'leave him before he kills you posts'. I joined in to give balence (every subject no matter how emotive has balence, whether or not you agree with it).

... some people cheat once, twice, then never cheat again ...
... some people cheat once, twice, and never stop

... some people are addicts, and never move away from their addiciton ...
... some people are addicts, and overcome their addiciton ...

... some kids bully in school, but eventually grow out of it ...
... some kids bully in school, and continue into adulthood ...

There are many scenarios with different outcomes, my view, was a balence to the subject, whether you like it or not.

PS: I didnt pick up on it first as I thought maybe it was a typing error, I'm thinking I maybe wrong. You were a victim of Domestic VIOLENCE (not voilence).

pearl123

My spelling errors are dyslexia.
And yes the violence could end in a few slaps but it could go the whole way. Why take the risk....for love? The end price can be terrible.

whitewing

Marker wrote: »

Sometimes violence does end with a few slaps, that is the point I have been trying to make. SOMETIMES, a few slaps is all it is, and then the rest is happy go lucky life.

You (and others) have basically been saying that one slap leads to all out violence and worse case scenario death. Which is just not true at all.

Okay, then my side of the story is this:

Over the years I have had about 10 relationships (including the man I am now married to). On all this time, through all life's ups and some horrible downs, not a single man has ever hit me.

I therefore, from my own experience, consider even a single slap as a line crossed, and I cannot see myself continuing a relationship where that has happened particularly now I have children.

DUTR

pearl123 wrote: »

My spelling errors are dyslexia.
And yes the violence could end in a few slaps but it could go the whole way.

and then again it may not

Why take the risk....for love?

Yes

The end price can be terrible.

And the end could be a prize.

That is all.

timmmers

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

It's got nothing to do with anger; as he waited until you were home before he hit you.

You know what to do, and that's to get out of this any way you can.

That's not true at all. his anger in front of others would earn him no credit so he holds it in and it gets worse until he can safely let it go.

Women have a habit of winding blokes up when they knw they are jealous or unsecure sometimes and get what they deserve....by that I mean they should know after the first time their partnet has so little respect for them that they would even think of hitting them that it's never going to be acceptable to give that guy any reason to get mad if they don't want another slap or worse. Acting normally is going to be risky but because it's normal to hae a laugh for others doesn't mean it's safe for someone with a violent partner.

It's about respect. If you care about someone you don't abuse them, it never occurs to you so you never need apologise. Once they have more respect for the opinions of others and leave their violence until no-ones around it's almost at the stage of being planned...in fact during an evening out while you're having fun he's probably boiling up planning something nasty for later.

You know the answer, just like a smoker knows the should quit.
Do it. Unless you share his lack of respect for you.
Find some family or friends to talk to and spend time with. Don't feel like you have anything to be ashamed of like many people in your situation do, you've done nothing wrong.

I used to teach ladies self defence classes and I've never seen this situation go back to happy days. I've seen women make excuses for complete monsters, I've seen men arrive at classes trying to drag them away and even threaten me, and the saddest...kids telling their mum they want to get away from it all.

I wish you well, above all stay safe.
A man who loves you doesn't hurt you.

t

Sambucus_Nigra

timmmers wrote: »

Women have a habit of winding blokes up when they knw they are jealous or unsecure sometimes and get what they deserve....

:eek:

Seriously.....this doesn't read well.

Birdy12

hazeyjewel wrote: »

He told me a few things about his past that made me realise why he gets so pent up about stuff, and he has agreed to go to the docs this week to get counselling:o

Oh, he's got a reason for giving you a few slaps? Well, that's alright then.


I am very on my guard at the moment though, but since last week he has been fine, loving and attentive.

Until the next time.


I know a leopard rarely changes it's spots, but i'm gonna give him another chance.If this doesn't work he has to go

I attended a course a while back and a representative from Women's Aid came in to do a talk. She said that, statistically, a person suffers abuse an average of 30 times in a relationship before they decide to leave. Do you really believe yourself when you write 'if this doesn't work he has to go'?

I've written this but I have a feeling that we won't be hearing from the OP anytime soon...