Partner hit me...

Bumpmakesfour

Dontknowanymore wrote: »

A punch or a slap, makes no difference, he physically attacked her, I'm amazed that people are advocating someone staying in a relationship like this!
I just hope to god they do not have children, OP please tell me you don't have children!.

I asked if there were kids involved in the relationship many posts back but can't see that she's answered that anywhere.I'm assuming not as the OP hasn't made any reference to any kiddies..at least I hope not.

mikey72

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

Unless the OP is dancing on tables and draping herself over random men he IS being irrational.

So is there a limit then?

The op did say he was upset when they went out for a drink together, and she finishes up talking to, and having a laugh with other people.

Maybe he would be better if she went out with her mates to start with, and he went with his.

3v3

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

Unless the OP is dancing on tables and draping herself over random men he IS being irrational.

:rotfl: Now there's an image! If my partner did that, I would find it totally hilarious!!! But, as that is your choice of example, clearly to you that would be unacceptable behaviour from your partner.

Ultimately, it all depends on what the OP deems "acceptable" behaviour and what the OP's partner deems "acceptable".

Bumpmakesfour

3v3 wrote: »

:rotfl: Now there's an image! If my partner did that, I would find it totally hilarious!!! But, as that is your choice of example, clearly to you that would be unacceptable behaviour from your partner.

Ultimately, it all depends on what the OP deems "acceptable" behaviour and what the OP's partner deems "acceptable".

Unfortunately have been found dancing on a few tables myself and like you my partner finds it hilarious...he usually grabs the camera and takes great pleasure tormenting me with pics the following day My hubby also becomes far louder after a few drinks and has embarrassed himself countless times,it's just something we accept about each other I guess and luckily can laugh about the next day.
I was being slightly flippant in my original post tbh and I do appreciate that different people have very different ideas on what is and isn't acceptable.I just don't see how anyone could find the OPs example of "talking to anyone and having a laugh" unacceptable behaviour that's all.

VestanPance

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

I just don't see how anyone could find the OPs example of "talking to anyone and having a laugh" unacceptable behaviour that's all.

Depends on your personality surely and what you find appealing or not.

I personally don't like the drunken dancing on tables/flirty types (in men or women) so that would be a killer for even entering a relationship with someone like that type of personality. In the same way they would no doubt find me too quiet or boring.

Bumpmakesfour

mikey72 wrote: »

So is there a limit then?

Nope no limits on what warrants a slap obviously but of course there are behaviours that one person may find reasonable and another object to.However just because your partner might find you talking to another person unacceptable,for example,doesn't mean you should stop doing it.
I'm only speaking from a dual perspective.I've been in a relationship were if I let go of my partners hand to so much as scratch my nose whilst out I didn't love him.If I took too long in the toilet at a pub I'd been up to allsorts with the barman I'd dared say hello to earlier blah blah.I'm now in a marriage where we can go out and have fun and relax and it's great.Shame it took years of emotional blackmail and finally two backhanders for me to see sense and run really eh?:o

Mojisola

VestanPance wrote: »

Depends on your personality surely and what you find appealing or not.

I personally don't like the drunken dancing on tables/flirty types (in men or women) so that would be a killer for even entering a relationship with someone like that type of personality. In the same way they would no doubt find me too quiet or boring.

This is the important bit - if a partner can't stand the way their OH behaves, they should discuss it and/or get out of the relationship if they can't compromise.

You don't slap the other person when they behave in a way you don't like.

barbiedoll

Oh for goodness' sake, it doesn't matter whether she is just having a laugh or is dancing on tables and draping herself all over other men, the point is that he has absolutely NO excuse to hit her. None whatsoever.

If OP is a flirt, or cannot handle her drink or is making a fool of herself or whatever it is that she has done to upset him, then he should ask himself if he wants to be in a relationship with her. It doesn't give him the right to punish her by using physical violence. The same reasoning applies to his past, whatever demons are haunting him are his problem, they should not mean that he takes it out on his girlfriend by hitting her and destroying her belongings.

Ultimately, no matter what excuses he has, and I'm sure that to him, they are valid ones, the fact is, he cannot control his temper and he has no qualms about physically abusing a woman. Hopefully, he will seek counselling and will be able to control himself a little better in the future. In the meantime, I strongly suggest that OP does as Kay Peel says and formulates a "Just in case" plan. OP will know exactly what triggers his violent outbursts, most, if not all victims will know when a strike is imminent, it's like waiting for a thunderstorm, you can just feel it coming.

Good luck OP, I do hope that you can BOTH work through this, your boyfriend has my sympathies too, I know that violent men have their issues, the fact that he is willing to seek help must mean that he cares for you as much as you clearly care for him.

Bumpmakesfour

barbiedoll wrote: »

Oh for goodness' sake, it doesn't matter whether she is just having a laugh or is dancing on tables and draping herself all over other men, the point is that he has absolutely NO excuse to hit her. None whatsoever.

Where did I,or anyone else for that matter,say dancing on tables was a valid reason for a slap?We were talking about behaviours that partners may find unacceptable and NOT justifying the violence that follows.

3v3

barbiedoll wrote: »

.....
Good luck OP, I do hope that you can BOTH work through this, your boyfriend has my sympathies too, I know that violent men have their issues, the fact that he is willing to seek help must mean that he cares for you as much as you clearly care for him.

:T Agree with you on this.

Hence my post on OP compromising because if she does love him as much as she says she does and she knows certain of her behaviours hurt him inside, she will be just as willing to seek a way forward. After all, if we know something we do brings hurt to those we care most about we alter those behaviours or compromise by not exposing them to that hurt. Otherwise, there is no longer any point in the relationship.