Mortified

rachbc

i nearly offered my seat on the bus to someone yesterday - but after some consdieration thought she probably wasn't pregnant!!

When I was looking round a nursery for dd I mentioned to the manager who was showing me round that I had 9 years between my kids and she said 'Oh was she an accident?' - now that is blummin rude! Needless to say DD did NOT got to that nursery!

MarilynMonroe_2

bedpotato wrote: »

I have heard many anecdotes about fat women being mistaken for pregnant women, but have never understood why. Surely there's an obvious difference between the two? Fat people are usually fat all over, whereas pregnant people tend to just have the protruding belly. Also the bellies are different. Pregnancy = a smooth curve. Fat belly = layers of jiggling fat. Fair enough you can't always see the difference through loose clothing.

Not really. If you have a c section they cut your stomach muscles so its almost impossible to get your tum back like it was if youre carrying weight - it is a different shape. When I used to be just fat it hung differently to how it does now - when I relose the weight again I dont expect my belly to go flat(tish) like it was because of the trauma to the muscles.

Person_one

bedpotato wrote: »

I have heard many anecdotes about fat women being mistaken for pregnant women, but have never understood why. Surely there's an obvious difference between the two? Fat people are usually fat all over, whereas pregnant people tend to just have the protruding belly. Also the bellies are different. Pregnancy = a smooth curve. Fat belly = layers of jiggling fat. Fair enough you can't always see the difference through loose clothing.

Some people carry their fat in a way that it really does like like a pregnant belly, trust me, I'm one of them, I wish I wasn't!

Also, a lot of pregnant women also get bigger all over, or were a bit wobbly to start with, bigger ladies get pregnant too.

RadoJo

I've had it happen to me, after a five month holiday consisting mostly of drinking, and I just took it in the spirit it was meant - someone making an innocent comment and misjudging the situation! I think it's one of those occasions where both people are usually equally embarrassed and generally it's not meant in any way as an insult. One of my friends recently had someone comment 'Due any day now?' to her in a shop and was mortified - she is pregnant but not due for another few months, and actually the comment was probably because she's so small that her bump looks massive already on her frame, but it just goes to show that there's still no winning either way!

QuackQuackOops

I don't get why some people say she was cheeky.
You obviously look pregnant. How was she supposed to know that you are not?
If you are large enough to look pregnant (and you are not) but people mention it to you, then that is your own fault, not anyone elses.
Its perfectly normal for one woman to say something to another woman about being pregnant but if you don't like it, then lose the extra weight.

MarilynMonroe_2

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

I don't get why some people say she was cheeky.
You obviously look pregnant. How was she supposed to know that you are not?
If you are large enough to look pregnant (and you are not) but people mention it to you, then that is your own fault, not anyone elses.
Its perfectly normal for one woman to say something to another woman about being pregnant but if you don't like it, then lose the extra weight.

how rude!:eek:

please dont take the above posters reply to heart op - I know what its like beign a new mum and all, you dnt need comments like that ESPECIALLY when your baby isnt even a year old.

missindecisive

good god quackquack, that was a bit harsh! I take it you must be related to the librarian in some way?

karren

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

I don't get why some people say she was cheeky.
You obviously look pregnant. How was she supposed to know that you are not?
If you are large enough to look pregnant (and you are not) but people mention it to you, then that is your own fault, not anyone elses.
Its perfectly normal for one woman to say something to another woman about being pregnant but if you don't like it, then lose the extra weight.

how very very rude are you!!!!!"

MarilynMonroe_2

most of their posts are rude tbh

bedpotato_2

I don't see what is overly rude about what QuackQuack (or the librarian) said. It's just logic. If the OP had been pregnant, presumably she wouldn't have been offended.

It seems people are trying to say the rule here is: if you're truly pregnant, it's not rude to point it out / congratulate you. If you're not pregnant but just overweight and look pregnant, it is rude (even though the person cannot possibly know that you're not). That is nonsense.

It's not rudeness; it's just a case of people taking an interest in your life and making polite conversation. If the OP had been pregnant and the librarian had said what she did the OP would probably just have smiled and said, yes, isn't it great? and not dashed off to start slating the poor librarian on an Internet forum.

This all stems from a bigger issue: is it rude / acceptable to make observations about someone's physical appearance to their face? We all do it behind people's backs, but is it OK to point it out to them in person? "Oh, you're looking so fat / thin / tall / pale / tired, and your clothes / hair / nails / etc. are too long / short / different / etc."

A lot of people seem to have selective ideas about what things are rude and what aren't. You lot seem to think it's "rude" to say to a fat person that they look pregnant when it's just an innocent mistake. The person was probably just trying to be nice and congratulate them on what they imagined was their forthcoming child. I happen to think it's far ruder for people to come up to me and comment on my clothes / hair being different from those of mainstream society, and telling me I ought to change them. That happens to me a lot. That is no innocent mistake. THAT is rudeness. Walking up to a fat person and telling them they are fat would be rude, yes. But mistaking their fatness for pregnancy and wanting to congratulate them on it is a wholly different issue. Unless the OP suspects the librarian of PRETENDING she thought she was pregnant just to be catty about her weight, then I can't see that anything rude has been said here at all.