rant..moan..school..bullying.

zoelouise88

just a little rant to be honest...

my sons in year 1 at school (2nd year) and since the term started in september 4 boys have been bullying him, they have a 'den' where they go and make each other fight. my son was upset by this and didnt want to go to school as the boys wouldnt stop kicking and punching him. i went into the school as my son refused to tell me who it was bullying him as they told him if he did tell they would hurt him. the teachers seem to just not care, they apparntly always watched my son and nthing has been going on. My sons behind on his speech but his cousin is in the same year and has told me she even told the teacher herself the one day but the teacher just said 'oh i dont believe that'. after several visits to the school theyve insisted no 'den' exsists and none of the children fight.


today when i go to collect my son i get called in due to my son fighting. finally they have seen the 'den; for themselves. today some other boy ran at my son and punched him in the stomach my son then punched him in the eye cutting it and causing the other boy to cry. they were both punished at school and ive told my son he shouldnt have done it he should have told the teacher but he refuses to saying they never believe him, i think he'd finally had enough of the bullying and obviously today decided to stick up for himself.

now i know my son was wrong and i dont agree with him hitting back but i can see why he did it. i mean for the past 5 weeks hes been being hit by this group of boys everyday.

sorry im going on i just feel angry as i feel if the school actually listened in the first place then this incident could have been avoided.

Slinky_Malinky

You have my sympathy - my son is in year six and we have had bouts of him being hit all through school, usually by the same couple of boys. The school say that children must not hit back, they must tell an adult. If they tell an adult they either get told off for telling tales or else nothing gets done at all.

I would make an appointment to discuss this with the head, try and write a list of all the things that have happened. If you feel it is not being taken seriously then put your concerns in writing, sending copies to the board of governors and LEA.

At one point I even kept my son home for a few days saying that I would not send him back to school until I could feel sure he was safe ( after a particlularly bad incident where I was told several lies by the staff at the school)

IF you do not stick up for your little boy, nobody else will.

Kay_Peel

It sounds like some good things arise from this sorry saga.

1. You played it by the book and did everything that you could to prevent violence.

2. You were proved right. (A small consolation in the scheme of things, unfortunately).

3. The bullies cards are marked and the Den is no more. That's a result.

4. The bully got off worse.

Sorry, I know that it's wrong to encourage violence but I can't tell you how good I feel when a little thug gets his come-uppance. Your son should not be admonished or punished - he was defending himself from an attacker and that is allowed. I feel that the school should have treated him better.


You and your son should pat yourselves on the back for putting an end to this sorry episode, for the whole school's sake. Good on you both. :A

zoelouise88

Thankyou for your reply, ive contacted the education department at my local council as the school will not do anything no matter what i say or write.

Im dreading the school run tomorrow as im sure the other boys mum will not be happy that my son has caused injury to her boy.

As the school did nothing about the bullying she will probably just thinks my son hit hers without reason.

Just hope i dont get any hassel as i know as a mum myself we all believe our kids our innocent and do no wrong.

I was going to keep my son off last week but the school informed me if i did this i would recieve a fine :eek:

the school has top marks for everything in the reports so stuff like this is realy dissapointing. Although maybe the reason the have such good reports by ofsted is that they just sweep any problems under the carpet.

Hope the bullying towards your son has now stopped. Its such a horrible feeling knowing ive sent my son to school while being bullied.
Did you notice a change in your sons behaviour during the bullying as my sons became very angry at home since all this usually hes such a sweet happy child.

Emmzi

martial arts lessons. teaches him how to stop them without killing them.... also good for personal discipline!

Lotus-eater

When my DD started school, I told her if anyone hit her on purpose, to hit straight back, don't even think about it.
Some little thug whacked her on purpose, so she punched him straight back on the nose (I'd taught her how to punch so she could hold a proper fist). Guess what? No more problems and that was 2.5 years ago.

I would stand up to the school up to the highest authority, to have to right to stand up for yourself.

lovecrafting

zoelouise88 wrote: »

Thankyou for your reply, ive contacted the education department at my local council as the school will not do anything no matter what i say or write.

Im dreading the school run tomorrow as im sure the other boys mum will not be happy that my son has caused injury to her boy.

As the school did nothing about the bullying she will probably just thinks my son hit hers without reason.

Just hope i dont get any hassel as i know as a mum myself we all believe our kids our innocent and do no wrong.

I was going to keep my son off last week but the school informed me if i did this i would recieve a fine :eek:

the school has top marks for everything in the reports so stuff like this is realy dissapointing. Although maybe the reason the have such good reports by ofsted is that they just sweep any problems under the carpet.

Hope the bullying towards your son has now stopped. Its such a horrible feeling knowing ive sent my son to school while being bullied.
Did you notice a change in your sons behaviour during the bullying as my sons became very angry at home since all this usually hes such a sweet happy child.

firstly, keeping your child off for a week will not result in a fine, the lea will first contact you and ask about the issues, then they will have a meeting with you and resolve any issues, if they are solved and you then do not return him to school and canot prove you are providing a full time education you will then be fined. they canot and will not fine you unless the attendance reaches less than 69 percent. and if there is an issue you are well within your rights to keep him off.


just a note re the governors, there isnt alot they can do, but they can put pressure on the head teacher to make sure issues are resolved, however if the child is named and the bully is named they are not allowed to deal with it because it breaches the schools confidentiality policy.

me being me, i usually march into the school when theres an issue, im sure they hate it when i go in and know there going to get there ears chewed off, but what sometimes they fail to remember is, during 9-3 they are responsible for your childs welfare, not only his saftey but also his happiness, and if they are not looking after his needs then they are failing him.

fedupnow

Lotus-eater wrote: »

When my DD started school, I told her if anyone hit her on purpose, to hit straight back, don't even think about it.
Some little thug whacked her on purpose, so she punched him straight back on the nose (I'd taught her how to punch so she could hold a proper fist). Guess what? No more problems and that was 2.5 years ago.

I would stand up to the school up to the highest authority, to have to right to stand up for yourself.

This is all very well if your child is capable of 'winning' but a smaller than average, or less able child, may get hurt. And even if they do win, the other kid may go back for their mates and isolate their target - then they may be in for a proper battering. I'm glad it worked for your child, but it is no guarantee it will work for all children.

EDIT: I recall an incident where my daughter was having a problem with a couple of older girls. She went to their head of year told him, and said if you don't tell them to stop I will hit them back. That way, if she did hit them she could have said, 'Told ya.' Anyway, the teacher sorted it - thankfully. But not all teachers have the skills or inclination to do so.

And op, they are trying to scare you re the fine. Try to stay calm and insist they take their duty of care seriously. If they can't, you will keep him home.

Anacrusis

My son was in a similiar situation aged five, it went on for three years and nothing changed. You're in a catch 22 situation because the school/ teachers will say he has to not hit back but to tell them, but if he tells them nothing happens- I'm not even sure my son even got any sympathy which would have helped a tiny bit at least!

Anyway I ended up home educating which worked out fantastic for us in every sense, not just regarding stopping the bullying, so it might be something you want to think about. I wish I'd done it sooner as it was awful for him self confidence which he has re-gained but it's nowhere near the levels of my daughter who's not had to put up with bullying.

As love crafting says above, I don't think you can be fined for not forcing a frightened child to go to school, that is, if he is frightened to go back and you're having to persuade him to go?

Lotus-eater

fedupnow wrote: »

This is all very well if your child is capable of 'winning' but a smaller than average, or less able child, may get hurt. And even if they do win, the other kid may go back for their mates and isolate their target - then they may be in for a proper battering. I'm glad it worked for your child, but it is no guarantee it will work for all children.

EDIT: I recall an incident where my daughter was having a problem with a couple of older girls. She went to their head of year told him, and said if you don't tell them to stop I will hit them back. That way, if she did hit them she could have said, 'Told ya.' Anyway, the teacher sorted it - thankfully. But not all teachers have the skills or inclination to do so.

And op, they are trying to scare you re the fine. Try to stay calm and insist they take their duty of care seriously. If they can't, you will keep him home.

My DD is smaller than average. At this age all you have to do is show a bit of backbone and they will back off most of the time. Not hitting back does not work, as all you show them is that you are a punchbag, who won't do anything.

No guarantee no, of course not, but it's the way I think is best.

zoelouise88

Thankyou for all your replys.

He usually cries before school and pretends to be ill then after half hour or so off tantrums he admits its due to bullys, this has been everyday for past few weeks but today he went into school happy.
His dad told him last night that the other boys are probably scared of him now, so i think this is the reason.

I dont like violence at all and do not agree with hitting back usually but thanks to you uderstanding posters i finally feel less guilty about the incedent and feel less upset with my son.

Im unable to educate him at home due to his speech problems, hes statemented at school and has constant 1 on 1 with an adult during class time and has speech therapy daily so if i was to remove him from school i feel he would just fall futher behind.

Hes actually extremely confident so no problems there, his teacher describes him as the child always happy and always trying to please others and loves making the other kids laugh.

I know my son is very capable of defending himself but i think the reason he didnt before is due to me telling him hitting is very wrong and if he does hit anyone i made it clear he would be punished by myself and the teachers (hes punched me before while playing and caused my nose to bleed so i know just how hard he can hit)