Stay at home mum needs job title!

biglass

Would totally agree with Miss Behaving-I have 3 kids ,15yo, 5yo and 4yo and I definitely am of the view that ,contrary to what many would like to believe that it gets easier as kids get older and go to school,etc and so many mums feel under pressure that they should return to work then - it actually gets harder!!
Kids love their mum being there when they come home from school and need more of an eye kept on them especially in teenage years,where I feel I need to be around more than ever.Unfortunately I speak from bitter experience-I have always worked thru' my 15yo's childhood,varying fulltime and part time ("necessary" in the years as single parent, pre-tax credits -or so I thought then!) and I definitely think, due to my high stress job which was also shift work, that a lot of my 15yo old's problems stem from that choice.We've had some nightmare times with her.
I am now happily married with 2 littlies too, and still working shifts round OH to avoid childcare-but still our family life is suffering in my opinion.The littlies are great at the mo as they either have mum or dad at home,but I am planning ahead for the future so that I am at home more the older they get.
Sorry for the ramble-what I am trying to say is all you mums who stay at home are making a good choice IMO and don't go back to work if you can afford not to.If I didn't have so many financial constraints,I would be a SAHM.Also the fact is that a lot of our debt stems from my money handling being so out of control due to stress of the way we have been ,and are working !! I would do it all differently in hindsight.

Carmina_Piranha_3

pickle wrote:

Just say like I do "Oh no, I'm lucky I don't have to return to work".

that's what i say too, emphasising the LUCKY so people know i'm happy and that they can't sneer or look down on me because i have my life exactly how i want it.

Lillibet_2

Sorry, not read the whoel thread, but out of shear devilment I have started calling myself a "domestic project manager" when I have to fill forms in etc. A few have asked for more details & I tell them I am a SAHM & housewife, no-one has as yet challanged me any further. I think they must think that if I can call myself that I must be a really scary person!:eek:

Seriously, just becuase some people undervalue you doesn't mean that you are any less important to those who matter;) They are probably jealous anyway:D

Carmina_Piranha_3

as long as you think you're doing your best for your family then you'll be valued by them. i know that my husband and children prefer for me to be at home - although roo doesn't get a choice until he starts talking:rotfl: i've asked my ten year old before now if he'd rather i worked and we could afford foreign holidays etc. but he said no, if it means childcare he'd rather go without the holidays. asked my husband and he said if i want to work he's all for it and he'll stay at home

black-saturn

I think you should just put stay at home mum. Theres nothing to be ashamed of.

tomstickland

You are a household management strategist, nutritional planning officer and educational training planner.

Frugal_Fox

mamashaz wrote:

...When they were not at school it seemed (to the outside world) that it was fine for me to stay at home but since the youngest started school in September I have been constantly asked when I am going to get a job.

Can anyone give any advice on this - maybe think of things I can say to boost my self esteem when I am asked?

Thanks,
Mamashaz

Wow - your post struck a real chord with me. We tried to for a good number of years to have a birth child. We too adopted - a girl and a boy, both full siblings.

I know exactly where you are coming from. Whilst mine were not at full time school, I like other mums was considered 'okay' to stay at home and do the 'mum' thing. Now they are at school - I really shouldn't be at home. Mine are now 9 & 7 and I have a part time job doing 12 hours a week. I do enjoy it and it does bring in extra money. I'm fortunate to be able to take them to school and pick them up - but I do feel forced out to work - not by my husband, he's quite happy for me to be at home, but by the local community. All other mums amongst me with similar aged children are at work and I felt very fraudulent in being at home.

Children are not children for long - do not feel bad by being at home. You have a really important role and there is no other job title you need than Wife and Mother. We need to place more empahsis on the importance of this role and give women the real opportinity to decide what they want to do.

I'm all for supporting the women who want to return to work - there is nothing wrong with that. Equally women who want to remain in the home should be encouraged to do just that. I envy you...

As an adoptive mum I'm even more aware of the importance of a stable and happy home environment. Your 'job' is to provide that for your children. All children need love, but adopted children need a relentless, calming love. Keep going - and its nice to 'meet' a fellow adopter on here!!

FF