The Ultimate Hard and Fast debt clearing mission

ruby_eskimo

I agree with what you've said about the whole moving thing and expecting him to fill all these voids I'm left with now.

A couple of years ago, we went through the same kind of thing. I wasn't happy, he was being selfish and I didn't know what to do. We almost broke up because he was annoyed that I was a crying mess because he couldn't understand why I wasn't happy when in his mind everything was fine. Things did change for a while, and that's when he popped the question; when everything was fine. But now I'm just reminded of how I felt back then and this is exactly the same. I don't want us to just go through this cycle over and over again; me not being happy, we talk, things get better, and then he starts slipping back into being selfish all over again and i get unhappy again etc etc.

I think we do need to talk, I just don't know how to start it.

Dinah93

Morning all, any nice weekends or was everyone just too poorly?

Got the blog updated and new posts lined up to go up this week (and they're even finished this time).

Grace spent most of the weekend with her Gran, since I didn't want her getting my bug, and NIM was told to lie flat for 48 hours to help his back (which it didn't, it's now worse). Really missed her but got quite a bit done.

Made an ebay sale of £350 over the weekend, so that was nice. Feeling more comfortable about paying off the car loan when I get a figure for October.

On the flip side I've done a bit of a scout ahead and we have got some costs coming up. We have the insurance and MOT, which we knew about, but we also need two new tyres and the tracking on the car fixing. Plus the cable which controls the buggy's brake and collapse mechanism sheered in two places over the weekend, so now not only are Grace and I completely trapped at home (when I was hoping to go to the fit2push class in the park this morning) but I need to work out if we can get the part as it's an icandy but we don't have proof of purchase so I don't know how to get it fixed. Already contacted icandy but will contact our local stockist as well as I know they do services, so they may also do repairs (or at least be able to sell us the part).

Despite the costs and the lack of pay I actally feel like we're making more progress than we have in a while, I'm feeling very focussed, everyday I can see a tangible thing I did to make us some extra pennies, and I find that spurs me on step by step.

Insomnia is back again, always a sign my anxiety has reached epic proportions. I'm panicking about money now my maternity pay is down to a trickle, I'm panicking NIM will be signed off and we won't have any money at all, I'm panicking about Grace going back into hospital over winter, panicking that I don't know if the whooping cough vaccine is a complete block or just makes it less likely as there was a baby with this in the room next door in hospital and if Grace got it it would be SERIOUS, but most of all I'm panicking that we're past the 6 month mark and still not really any closer to finding a way to afford me staying home with her, and if she has to go into daycare when we KNOW it's not best for her health, I'm only going to feel like I've failed her tiny body once again.

Kepp

ruby_eskimo wrote: »

if I left him, then I would have no where to go. I have no friends here (they are his friends first) and I'm scared of being on my own. Then I think maybe it's just me being stupid and I'm sabotaging things in my mind and I should just see what happens.

I really don't know what to do.

Sorry just catching up, so haven't read the full story but you sound so sad Ruby. I know we don't 'know' each other exactly but having just found out we live so close if you do need anything, even just a drink and a vent, please let me know, I can try and help xx

I've sent you a PM Dinah about an STP referral

Kepp

Thanks Dinah, I've signed up. Can't see the Catwalk thing though?

Sorry to hear that you're having a hard time at the moment. I'm sure though that you will pull things together so that you can stay at home with Grace. You're so good at the money-making thing, is there anything that you used to do that you could go back to again?

roomontheend

Dinah great ebay sales, what did you sell to make so much money?
I am joggling the money today and updating my snowball. I spent yesterday cooking and organising the weeks evening meals. It's curry in a hurry tonight, you really must try it. http://mortgagefreeinthree.com/2012/05/curry-in-a-hurry/ I have them already frozen so I just need to use yesterday’s left over chicken and some veg to bulk it out. I usually make a korma for me and the other softies in the house and then another hot one for the brave. It’s great that they both come from the same base.

I went blackberry picking yesterday but I need to go out again as it was starting to get dark. I have enough for a nice blackberry and plum jam which I found in the free coop magazine. Plus plums are part of the super 6 at Aldi this week.

However my Dad really wants a crumble, so I will be on with the wellies and carrying my plastic tab tonight while I take the dogs out.

shrimpy_80

Morning all, so sorry to hear you're having such a rough time Ruby and Dinah.

Dinah, your post sounded so positive at the start, well done on all you have achieved. I'm sure the news about your aunt has knocked you for six and won't be helping your anxiety, particularly as you have been through so much already. You have so much determination, I'm sure that no one on this thread has any doubts that you will find the right solution for you and your family. I wish I loved close enough to come and give you a hug and some cake!

Ruby - ditto on the cake and hug for you! I think Dinah's advice was sound, don't do anything rash as the move (location wise and moving in together) is bound to have had an impact on the way you are feeling. I'm not sure what to make of the monitoring Twitter thing at all, was he trying to say that your twitter feed is monitored through his work because of his connection to you...? Its a really horrible situation and I really feel for you, trust your instincts. Deep down I think you will know whether the relationship is worth fighting for.

Ugh I do not want to be at work today, keep getting interrupted while trying to read and reply, how rude! On a positive note though, I successfully completed Sober September, which is also one thing to cross off my day zero list

wendz86

Morning,

Dinah - sounds like things are going alright moneywise. Well done on the ebay sale.

Feel your pain with the car stuff, we had to get four new tyres when we had MOT.

Do you still earn more than NIM? Any chance of him taking some time off instead of you? Could you look at getting an au pair or something?

Ruby - sounds like you and your OH really need a chat, does sound like he is being very controlling.

Shrimpy - how rude you keep getting interrupted!

My weekend was ok. I went for a meal friday with some of the mums from baby groups and my sister babysat as OH was working. Then sat my sister stayed most the day so we just popped to the shop/park etc. Yesterday was pretty boring.

Got OHs mums wedding this weekend. He managed to get it off eventually by getting his sargeant to ask the duties people. Is all drama though as she wants a non fussy/small wedding and her partners sister keeps doing stuff like booking a photographer, cake, hall etc. Should be interesting if the two families aren't speaking :rotfl:.

N.I.M

wendz86 wrote: »

Do you still earn more than NIM? Any chance of him taking some time off instead of you? Could you look at getting an au pair or something? .

I'd love to take the time but wouldnt have a hope of coping as well as D does at home with Grace. And yeah she does earn a LOT more than me.

Dinah93

wendz86 wrote: »

Do you still earn more than NIM? Any chance of him taking some time off instead of you? Could you look at getting an au pair or something?

Got OHs mums wedding this weekend. He managed to get it off eventually by getting his sargeant to ask the duties people. Is all drama though as she wants a non fussy/small wedding and her partners sister keeps doing stuff like booking a photographer, cake, hall etc. Should be interesting if the two families aren't speaking :rotfl:.

Glad he can go, does sound like it will be a bit of excitement on the day.

I do earn more, not a huge amount more though now NIM has had a payrise, bonuses, and I have student loan, we've discussed it and NIM staying home with her isn't an option. We feel like if one of us is home full time, and just a stay at home parent, not working from home type staying at home, then they need to be doing the full at home support, appointments, tidying, cleaning, budgets etc, and NIM doesn't feel that's a role he'd be able to take on (which I have to agree with, he'd have a great day playing with Grace, but I'd come home and spend the whole evening cleaning). On a practical level also I can apply for six months, a year, etc whatever as a sabbatical, and still have a job to go back to. Plus I can do extra income earners from home, whereas he isn't that way inclined.

Grace is REALLY chewy today, she doesn't seem to be able to be happy for more than 10 mins without grizzling. The only thing that settles her is putting her in the swing until she falls asleep, but it seems like really lazy parenting and ofc I'm worried she's brewing something. I really want to take her for a walk, see if that settles her, but dad is taking the box full of parts of our buggy to the shop to see if it can be resurrected.

Dinah93

N.I.M wrote: »

I'd love to take the time but wouldn't have a hope of coping as well as D does at home with Grace. And yeah she does earn a LOT more than me.

I was a lot nicer about things than you are! I wouldn't say I earn a LOT more, only about £400-£500 more which isn't a huge amount at the end of the day.