what are the best value dating sites?

Li0nhead

JennyP wrote: »

Would you like Mr Confused's number ? My date from the other night? He's in Sheffield and I see you're in Yorkshire too!!!

lol.

Ok staying straight now!

newcook

newcook wrote: »

Can I ask what you all do if the person you are on a date with isn’t what you hoped for?! Do you cut the date short (and if you do what do you say?!) or do you see out the rest of the date and then not message/text them unless they message you then reply with a nice let down?!

come on guys - what is it you do?!?!?!

pea-benn

I find it very difficult to cut a date short. I think staying for 2 drinks is long enough not to be seen to be too rude but on a few occasions I've ended up going on for food as I've not the heart to say no. I usually don't follow up on date I didn't enjoy. Often the feelings are mutual and I don't hear from them either! If they do text, I'm rubbish at let downs as well. It should be easy to say 'you're a nice person but I didn't fancy you' but I find it incredibly hard and end up making up all sorts of rubbish about how nice it would be to see them again but that I'm extremely busy at the moment! (Have just done exactly that with Saturday's date!)

JennyP

runningwoman wrote: »

I always think that if someone REALLY wants to go out with me, they'll bulldoze through any excuses and difficulties and do it and if they don't, well, then I don't want to be with someone who needs convincing to go out with me.

I like that mental image - the man bulldozing to be with me! Perfect! I will hold that in my head when they are being pathetic! Thank you!

runningwoman wrote: »

Honestly, in my personal opinion, if a chap says he doesn't want a second date, it really is a polite way of saying "this isn't going anywhere no matter what you do", and I'm not sure contacting him will make any difference - perhaps you can remember it as a stand alone nice night and leave it at that . There are some men who won't need convincing for that second date with you - find them!

He says he DOES want a second date - his body language was pretty keen last night too - and I believe him but if he isn't getting that bulldozer out - well forget it! It's my new rule - your bulldozer!

VestanPance wrote: »

Jenny not wanting to be a merchant of doom and gloom, but as far as I can see in dating from numerous stories "confused" or "too busy" more often than not is a gentle let down. People who aren't man enough to say "thanks for a lovely evening, but I don't see it going anywhere".

Either that or if they may have multiple dates lined up so they may be short on time and waiting to see how the other dates play out first.

I asked him about the multiple dates thing and he said no, he hadn't. I believe him on this too. But I think sod it, there will be someone else.

I am going to be 90 at this rate when it happens but it will happen eventually!

There_Goes_Trouble

This is what I do - not necessarily right, just what works for me:

I usually arrange to meet later in the evening, no earlier than 8.30pm for a drink. This way if all goes well I've still got a few hours till the pub shuts but if it's not good I can comfortably leave about ten without feeling like I'm running away. ("I'd better be off, I've got an early start in the morning and still got to drive home yet"!) I do usually do two drinks so that we buy one each. I can drink quite fast though and I only drink soft drinks on a date using the excuse that I'm driving, but also to ensure I don't say anything I might later wish I hadn't!! (I'm useless with alcohol, and never drink when I'm driving anyway). If he asks for a second date on the way out to the car and I don't want to then I will say so "thanks, but although I've had a nice evening I don't think I want to meet up again." I try not to commit to anything on the spot and try to avoid the whole second date question though unless I really like the guy. I've never had a problem doing this but if a guy were to get argumentitive then I would have no problem telling them that I don't fancy them and if they wouldn't leave it then I'd go back inside and ask a male member of staff to walk me to my car. If I can get away without having to be so honest on the spot I will then text/message the next day, along the lines of "Thanks for meeting me last night. It was nice to meet you but I don't feel that we are really right for each other. I hope you have better luck with someone else and I wish you well for the future."

I honestly believe that with blokes you need to be honest and to the point, although not hurtful or cruel. They really don't pick up on subtle comments or brush off's. If a guy asks you on a second date and you say "I'll think about it", most men genuinely think you're going to think about it and will get back to them, when for most girls it's an excuse to get away from the guy without having to be brave and say no, and they have no intention of getting back to him. That's how I've seen it happen anyway.

By the by, I was chatting to a girl at work today who I've not seen for a few weeks (the pretty one I've mentioned before.). She's been getting out and about and has been meeting blokes the more conventional way in bars and on holiday. She is very attractive and it's like bees round a honey pot with her! Anyway she's having all the same problems with meeting men face to face, in that they have got ex's hanging round, they change their minds, seem keen then back off, cancel at the last minute..... it's just the same out there in the 'conventional' dating world as it is in the internet dating world. The only difference is the method of meeting. I thought that was interesting and might boost a few morales.

JennyP

There_Goes_Trouble wrote: »

By the by, I was chatting to a girl at work today who I've not seen for a few weeks (the pretty one I've mentioned before.). She's been getting out and about and has been meeting blokes the more conventional way in bars and on holiday. She is very attractive and it's like bees round a honey pot with her! Anyway she's having all the same problems with meeting men face to face, in that they have got ex's hanging round, they change their minds, seem keen then back off, cancel at the last minute..... it's just the same out there in the 'conventional' dating world as it is in the internet dating world. The only difference is the method of meeting. I thought that was interesting and might boost a few morales.

That IS interesting and it made me feel better!
I kind of wish ... well, I would quite like it if one or two nice people from this site would look at my profile online and review it. It's on Match.com. I know there's a kind of review my profile thing on POF but there isn't on Match. Any takers? PM me and I'll tell you my username.
Would be happy to review other people's in exchange!

There_Goes_Trouble

I'd like that too Jenny, I'll send you my profile if you don't mind but I'm on PoF so don't know if you can access it if you're not registered. I'll happily look at yours for a female point of view although you might be best to get a man to look too! I'm not a member of match although I'm happy to join to look, can I do a member search if I'm not a paid up member?

It was you I was thinking of when I had that conversation.... LOL!

sapphireeye

runningwoman wrote: »

Straight up, I'd ignore it. I'd rather just have them think of me as a "female dog" :cool: rather than trying to "be nice and let them down gently and giving them false hope".

Also, I don't want to get into an argument:

"I don't want to go out with you because of X". "No, I think you SHOULD go out with me because of ....".

Either way, it's going to be a form of rejection, so whats the point of trying to be the good guy to make myself feel better?

I'm quite glad to hear that someone else has used the ignore method :-/ I met a guy at the gym about a year ago and I went on a few dates with him, he was an odd one because he seemed really nice and he didn't want a relationship, he just wanted to stay 'seeing each other' but he was the clingiest man I've ever met so I couldn't work it all out! I don't really do clingy, I'm very independent and I like a man who has their own life and he didn't. He'd left uni and still only worked weekends so he spent all day, every day texting me and the minute we'd finished a date he'd be texting me and he was constantly all over me and wanting to see me, which some women would love, but not me, it was too much!! So I tried to let him down gently and he took it REALLY badly and kept trying to tell me he'd be different and I was trying to explain that he shouldn't have to be different and you can't be anyone other than who you are and I didn't expect him to be, I just felt like we had different attitudes towards relationships so it was best not to take it beyond the dating stage. He really wouldn't take it, I felt more like I was trying to end a marriage rather than trying to break something off after 3 dates! In the end I had to just be really direct, and it turned out that his last girlfriend had dumped him because he was too clingy, so I tried to nicely suggest that I wasn't in the wrong like he was trying to point out and he wouldn't have any of it. I ended up ending the conversation and then he started bombarding me with text messages and I ended up having to ignore him anyway. After that conversation I was definitely confident in my decision to end it!

There's absolutely nothing worse than someone trying to argue you into continuing to date them, surely you don't want someone to be dating you out of pity or because you forced them to? I know I wouldn't!

This is a really interesting thread, I'm glad I found it and thanks for your advice so far

There_Goes_Trouble

Well done for managing to end the relationship, sounds like a bit of a nightmare!

Are you dating again now?

sapphireeye

There_Goes_Trouble wrote: »

Well done for managing to end the relationship, sounds like a bit of a nightmare!

Are you dating again now?

I've joined up to OkCupid in the last couple of days but no dates yet, however I'm having a few conversations with some guys. I wasn't looking for anything when I met that guy at the gym but somehow I managed to pick him up which all my friends found funny, not as good as the time I got chatted up in Woolworths though ;-) However these days I don't seem to randomly meet men like that hence why I'm giving the internet a try. I'll see how OkCupid goes and then I might pay up and give Match a try.