Mr right turning in to mr wrong :-(

dawn1974

Me and my partner are arguing about money at the moment.


He earns a good wage but he spends it too easily.


I am 6 and half year's older than him and this is the 3rd mortgage I have been on.


He isn't on this mortgage because I bought the house a year before we got together.


I have been out with lot's of un-reliable men in the past and have found myself unable to put up with any nonsense from men.


Recently my partner has started spending his money on things I do not want him to spend money on.


We have been together 6 year's this saturday and I am getting to breaking point with his money ways.


I don't want to sound like his mum but if we are living together then I believe we should be honest about money with each other.

jamespir

its his money he should be allowed to spend it on the stuff he wants as you say your not his mum obviously if hes not paying the bills or stuff then thats different
and just cause you had problems with men in the past they arent all like that

balletshoes

you are right - you can't tell him what to do with his money. You should be able to discuss it and do so as equals, listening to each other and being able to compromise if needed. If you really feel your attitudes to spending money are poles apart and you can't get over that, maybe you are incompatible.

rachbc

is he paying a share of bills/ food etc?

victory

Try sitting down and doing a the demotivator on this site or a monthly outgoings and incomings and work out what you can and can't spend, there has to be leisure, pleasure money along the way if you can afford it otherwise what isthe point to working but is it just that he his spending is out of control and got you into debt?

Does he have card he owes on?

What do you object him spending the money on?

RichGold

dawn1974 wrote: »

Recently my partner has started spending his money on things I do not want him to spend money on.



I don't want to sound like his mum.

You failed. You sound just like his mother.

dawn1974

I have spent a lot of time with him this week because we decided to have a week off work together because it was my birthday yesterday.

On saturday a guy who he met through his work who is bankrupt and now calls himself an handyman called at the house with a ladder my partner wanted to use to do a bit of maintenance to the gutters.

I needed to go out about 1 hour after he arrived so I left him and my partner talking outside. When I got back the guy said that he had some bad news and that he had found something wrong with the porch on the house.

The porch is shared with my neighbour and my partner said that they had spoken to my neighbour and he had agreed to pay half of the costs for the work.

It is thursday now and we have seen no sign of half the money.

About 6 weeks ago my partner borrowed some money to his brother who is also useless with money.

The house is in my name but my partner has lived here for 6 years so we talk about it as if it is ours because he moved in a year after I bought it.

Last week I asked my partner when his brother was going to start paying him back because we can not afford to be giving money away.

I only work part-time at the moment and he works full-time but he pays a weeks wage to a loan company because he was involved in a car accident last december and he had to get a loan for another car because he needs it for work.

My partner is waiting for the insurance firm to settle his claim so that he can settle the loan.

I am fed up of him throwing money around like it is going out of fashion and I feel like his brother and friend have taken advatage of him and I have told him that I am annoyed at his money wasting.

He has now gone out because I have told him that I can not live with someone who doesn't take money seriously.

Kathy535

If he is paying his share of the bills, food, housing etc then he should be able to spend his 'spare' money on what he wants to. God knows, in my opinion, DH wastes his money on some almighty sh*t but doubtless he mentally queries just how many pairs of shoes I need. We ignore what each other spends 'their' money on and that approach works for us.

BUT, if he isn't paying his share of the household bills then you have every right to be annoyed. Victory's suggestion of the demotivator is a really good one, and could provoke a discussion on how the bills should be split (50:50, as percentage of the incomings as a whole, leaving each person with the same 'spare' cash etc), how finances should work (one joint account, each person paying some bills, one household account and one separate account each etc) and what's fair.

When we got together we had no real approach and it led to the organised one (aka ME!!) paying for everything and feeling very resentful while he skipped around spending all his money on beer and skittles. My resentment nearly broke us up until we had a discussion and he pointed out that as I'd never asked him for any money he thought I was happy with the situation. Cue one big shake up!

DUTR

dawn1974 wrote: »

I have spent a lot of time with him this week because we decided to have a week off work together because it was my birthday yesterday.

On saturday a guy who he met through his work who is bankrupt and now calls himself an handyman called at the house with a ladder my partner wanted to use to do a bit of maintenance to the gutters.

I needed to go out about 1 hour after he arrived so I left him and my partner talking outside. When I got back the guy said that he had some bad news and that he had found something wrong with the porch on the house.

The porch is shared with my neighbour and my partner said that they had spoken to my neighbour and he had agreed to pay half of the costs for the work.

It is thursday now and we have seen no sign of half the money.

About 6 weeks ago my partner borrowed some money to his brother who is also useless with money.

The house is in my name but my partner has lived here for 6 years so we talk about it as if it is ours because he moved in a year after I bought it.

Last week I asked my partner when his brother was going to start paying him back because we can not afford to be giving money away.

I only work part-time at the moment and he works full-time but he pays a weeks wage to a loan company because he was involved in a car accident last december and he had to get a loan for another car because he needs it for work.

My partner is waiting for the insurance firm to settle his claim so that he can settle the loan.

I am fed up of him throwing money around like it is going out of fashion and I feel like his brother and friend have taken advatage of him and I have told him that I am annoyed at his money wasting.

He has now gone out because I have told him that I can not live with someone who doesn't take money seriously.

It seems you are waiting for someone to say you are correct and your partner is wrong

PS You lend to, and borrow from.

jamespir

so hes not throwing it away as such he just has it tied up with people who have not payed him back

browneyedbazzi

Is he paying his share of the bills though? What would you prefer for the money to be spent on?

Although I would be annoyed if repairs to my house were arranged/done without consultation, it's not the sort of thing I would consider 'frivolous spending'.

Also, if he needs a vehicle for work, I wouldn't consider paying for the vehicle to be frivolous (unless he's chosen a vehicle that is unrealistic for your circumstances?).

Do you object to where the money is going or to the fact that you're not the one in control of where it's going?