Dealing with a break up

lufcgirl

And now the next update a few days later. Well I'm in peices yet again because of it.

Today, we were texting about normal things and I asked her to answer honestly if she had met someone else. She answered yes, and wouldn't tell me when, where, their name, how anything, just that she didn't want to talk about it. Obviously four hours from the end of work and I was almost crying on every call I took!

My friend seems to think that she's playing a game whereby if all else fails pull out the thing most likely to hurt me. She says she doesn't love me, was never in love with me and she said she can convince herself of anything and thats why we were together. So my friend thinks that she's now convinced herself of that we shouldn't be together and we're just seeing how long it lasts. Nobody thinks there is a new person at all, otherwise you'd just say their name wether you know them or not.

Very confusing, I think I just want to understand what is real for all of this, it's the what is real that is upsetting me so much. If it was a break up with yes, I love you but things are not working out then I could take that. But why be so deliberately cruel towards me?

shellsuit

To be honest you both sound like a pair teenagers and it doesn't sound like a relationship to me at all.

In one breath you're telling her to do X, Y and Z and in the next breath, you're pleading to be with her/get back with her when you've split up over something ridiclous?

If she loved you, she wouldn't hurt you like she is doing.

She's either messed up in the head, or she has been seeing someone else and is in 2 minds of who she wants. Or, she doesn't want you, but doesn't want anybody else to have you either.

I'd cut off all ties and find something else who isn't a headworker.

dibaby

I can sympathise. Like you ive had break ups, but i knew my partner loved me deep down. There are so many similarities in the way that you think things are been worked out then out of the blue your going through another break up. We broke up this summer the two most painful months of my life was so out of the blue at the time but looking back all the signs were there we just took each other for granted and didnt listen to each other. Coming up for two years now and although the break up was the darkest time of my life but I always knew deep down that he loved me. So here we are having another go but this time so much more aware of eachothers feelings and needs. Ideally we would have been here right from the start but like your our problems started early on but that special something always keeps us together. Some of us arent lucky enough to have easy relationships, i know ive had some terrible ones. You've just got to know which one is worth fighting for, in your heart you'll know. Now me and my man are buliding a stronger relationship than ever x

dibaby

Sorry i missed the bit that she had met someone else while i was writing my post. Cant say that has happened in my situation. I hope you have the strength in you not to let the break up take over your life keep yourself out and about and busy. Like i said before if its meant to be you'll know, no matter what shes been through though your needs just as important. x

Emmzi

you both sound addicted to drama, Which is fine but stop pretending it's a relationship.

If you do want a relationship, find an adult.

Kay_Peel

lufcgirl wrote: »

But why be so deliberately cruel towards me?

..... it's because you won't take 'No' for an answer.

In my experience it's very common for someone to think that they've found the ONE and love them passionately, only to discover within a short time that they are incompatible and unsuited to one another. One of the pair is hurt and shocked, the other is embarressed and regretful that they have unintentionally led the other person on. They can't explain the U-turn.

Instead of accepting what she says at face value, you convince yourself that she's 'playing games' or 'doesn't mean it'. You go over and over and over what's happened to try to catch her out.

She responds by going to more and more extreme lengths to try and shake you off - possibly inventing another lover as well as admitting that she was mistaken in her feelings for you. Can she be any clearer? She wants you to take 'NO' for an answer.

You seem determined to plough on regardless of her wishes and wear her down. Is that wise? Aren't you just asking for more hurtful texts?

gazebo

(coming from someone who is in a similar situation, but in reverse) - why continue textual communication when all it is doing is upsetting you? You'd like to be mates - but really, you're actually holding out for being more than mates, when she keeps making it clear that isn't going to happen (through whatever means she can).

None of what you are saying sounds healthy to anyone who reads it.

Please let your other mates read what has been said by both you and all the other posters and start to look at this with a different perspective.

Only you know what is healthy or right for you, and only you can break the cycle you are currently in.

At this moment in time, you need to look after number one, which is erm, you - stop torturing yourself further....