Dealing with a break up

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

The phrase that comes to mind is less u-haul, but more Bunny Boiler. Her, I mean.

You're determined to interpret everything as she loves you and it'll be alright in the end. So she acts stupid, says spiteful things, messes with your head, lies, lets you think that she has no life without you, despite the fact that with University, work and two night classes, she is probably never alone....and whatever happens, whatever she does, the odd text message and a fancy present and you just keep going back for more.


You're being used. You make her feel good - as it's always all about her, about how awful things are for her, how awful you are to her, how she has to support someone else's unborn children :huh: (ballcocks - that's what they have their own income for).

Perhaps when she gets too drunk (like when you're home) she actually decides that she has had enough of you - but then, when she sobers up, she realises that she's on to a good thing - and tells you to ignore her spite and her abuse (and breaking up with you for disagreeing with her is abuse) and everything goes back to as it was, where she gets attention, company, some sex and then you go your separate ways.



Doesn't matter whether she is 27 or 47. She isn't capable of having a healthy relationship with you. And neither are you if you're prepared to accept such abuse as proof she loves you.

lufcgirl

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

The phrase that comes to mind is less u-haul, but more Bunny Boiler. Her, I mean.

You're determined to interpret everything as she loves you and it'll be alright in the end. So she acts stupid, says spiteful things, messes with your head, lies, lets you think that she has no life without you, despite the fact that with University, work and two night classes, she is probably never alone....and whatever happens, whatever she does, the odd text message and a fancy present and you just keep going back for more.


You're being used. You make her feel good - as it's always all about her, about how awful things are for her, how awful you are to her, how she has to support someone else's unborn children :huh: (ballcocks - that's what they have their own income for).

Perhaps when she gets too drunk (like when you're home) she actually decides that she has had enough of you - but then, when she sobers up, she realises that she's on to a good thing - and tells you to ignore her spite and her abuse (and breaking up with you for disagreeing with her is abuse) and everything goes back to as it was, where she gets attention, company, some sex and then you go your separate ways.



Doesn't matter whether she is 27 or 47. She isn't capable of having a healthy relationship with you. And neither are you if you're prepared to accept such abuse as proof she loves you.

You are completely correct and I do! It's a classic case of boy who cried wolf, I've heard it so many times before that I am becoming immune to it and the way she acts towards me. I can have weeks, maybe even months of her being nice and then it all goes back to this. Breaking up was completely unexpected, I expected a new start and then this which is why it's hard to take.

The first break up was in January, we'd been together for a month and I went to my cousins Christening. On the night she called and was crying saying she had to break up with me, her Mum had said something to cause her to feel this way. And from then on it's became a monthly occurence. I call it her full moon syndrome because it happens every month, we even laugh about it when we are fine. She never gets upset during these break ups apart from once in January the first time, she's just cold and calm and says it's over. And then changes her mind once I beg and plead which is just not happening this time.

The thing with her sister is completely true though. Her sister dropped out of Uni a month before graduating because she's stupid and has been with the same guy she barely even likes since her teens. She's always there to pick up the peices and really is financially supporting her as she has no job and can't get one!

It will be proved either way when I see her, like a previous person said you can be a complete beep on a phone call and then when you see the person their face tells a different story and thats what I'd like to see. She accepted quite an expensive gift from me when we were together last, and loved it. Thats not a sign of someone wanting to break up, maybe an idiot who loves gifts (which she doesn't as she feels she doesn't deserve them!) but I'm sure, and hopefully if anything next time I see her will be closure. I don't deserve to be treated this way by anyone, it's the shock of it all I hate!

Lotus-eater

I don't understand why you are seeing her again, get off the rollercoaster and accept it's over. You deserve better.

lufcgirl

Closure! It's not actually a rollercoaster to me, when this isn't happening we really are the happiest two people you could ever meet. If it's meant to be it really will and I'm hoping she wises up and realises what she's lost.

Maybe not today or tomorrow or next week. Just eventually.

Lotus-eater

Closure, smoshure, you're going to get messed around again and you know it.

It's not a rollercoaster and you break up every month? You're a fool and she knows she can mess you around and get away with it. Sounds like you two deserve each other!

lufcgirl

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Closure, smoshure, you're going to get messed around again and you know it.

It's not a rollercoaster and you break up every month? You're a fool and she knows she can mess you around and get away with it. Sounds like you two deserve each other!

Lol such a blunt way of putting it.

I'm indeed a complete fool when it comes to her! I won't let her get away with it, if she wants to be with me she's going to be spending weeks, not days convincing me of that after last nights performance.

Lotus-eater

lufcgirl wrote: »

Lol such a blunt way of putting it.

I'm indeed a complete fool when it comes to her! I won't let her get away with it, if she wants to be with me she's going to be spending weeks, not days convincing me of that after last nights performance.

I do blunt LOL

I think you need a sledgehammer to sort you out, not a blunt piece of text.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

lufcgirl wrote: »

The thing with her sister is completely true though. Her sister dropped out of Uni a month before graduating because she's stupid and has been with the same guy she barely even likes since her teens. She's always there to pick up the peices and really is financially supporting her as she has no job and can't get one!

Benefits. That's what they are there for.

JSA/ESA for her sister. Child Benefit, child tax credit when the babies are born. Housing benefit. Council tax benefit. Community care grant. budgeting loan. Crisis loan. Healthy Start vouchers. Maternity grant. Milk Tokens.


There is no reason on earth why she should have any financial involvement in this.



But if the sister thinks it is normal to be in a dysfunctional relationship with someone she barely likes - well, what if the same patterns have been learned from the mother and that is EXACTLY what the 'relationship' between you two is?

lufcgirl

Exactly Jojo, she sees no way to conduct a relationship other than the ones her parents have had. Her father regulary beat her mother and her (not her sister), until she was 16. Her mother and her tried to leave the household and he got his way and kept them back. She told me about this on our second date. Her sister is just an idiot full stop. Because her sister is the only person never implicated and completely oblivious to her upbringing, she feels a strange sense of loyalty in that she's technically the only family member she has. This is completely another story!

Just had a text from her asking how I am, I don't think I'll reply though as it'll just open a can of worms again that right now I can do without.

gazebo

the best way of dealing with a break up is to start with the basics. That is, actually break up.

From one couple to the next, what this actually looks like varies. What I would suggest is that if in the past you have to 'beg and plead' to get the other person to start dating you again, what respect do you have for yourself?

I don't wish to offend or upset, but be honest with yourself here, are you trying to deal with this as a break up or are you trying to convince yourself that you still want to be in a relationship with this person?