Real Life MMD: Should the cash go to my kids or pay off debt?

sidsmum

Been there, many years ago now.

I think this person has been using her cards, as I still do, like having accounts at the grocer's or butcher's in the old days, for household expenses, which she would pay at the end of the month or when she gets money to pay them.

When a woman finds herself by herself with the children, and the father doesn't immediately start paying maintenance for the said children, she probably has some difficulty feeding and clothing them, and giving them extras they have come to expect. How else would she pay for their needs except by using her card, or borrowing from family or friends? This is money spent in advance on them, and it would be the best idea to clear it first before spending on wild luxuries like food, pocket money and holidays. And the very idea that the children should thank their dad when he sends money- I noticed that most of those with those sorts of ideas are men. Say no more. It isn't pocket money, it is what they would have had if he had still been with them.

bulletproof_1979

jamespir wrote: »

sorry she chose to get a credit card she chose to spend on it

thats not nrp fault at all therfore the money should still go to the kids

What a ridiculous and ignorant statement.

She's stated the card was required to pay for necessities for the kids. So unless you're claiming she's lying about the money is going to the kids...

Miss_Frugal_Wannabe

Your money has been going to the kids all along. If your ex had been paying maintenace all along you would have no need to incur any debt. DO NOT feel guilty about this!!! For you to be in a healthier financial position will benefit your kids as well as yourself.

jamespir

bulletproof_1979 wrote: »

What a ridiculous and ignorant statement.

She's stated the card was required to pay for necessities for the kids. So unless you're claiming she's lying about the money is going to the kids...

ok so who forced her to get a credit card ?

tanya1979

child maintenance is to be paid by the absent parent, to help with day to day living costs of the children that they pay maintenance for, just remember you have always been there and paid for whatever they need by whatever means was available for you, so pay your credit cards off an then you will have more money weekly/monthly to be able to spend on your children, you ran a debt up paying for his share of what your children needed so its only fair he helps you clear the debt.

wildthing01

i must say i can't understand the posters saying that this lady should spend the money on the kids and not on the debt. she's already spent it on the kids!!! and incurred debt in doing so.

so long as the kids are getting their needs met, it doesn't matter where the money is originally from. the kids will suffer far more in the long term if the debt is allowed to continue/increase. so by paying off the debt, she is in effect spending it on the kids. i can't see the problem.

pennypusher

I feel the need to join in and say it is my understanding that Maintenance is provided to help with the everyday cost of looking after children. It is not meant for the children solely and there is no reason that they should thank anyone for it as it goes to the parent looking after them. It is to help with keeping a roof over their heads, heating, food, travel, clothes etc. It is to enable those looking after the children to be able to do so without worrying about if they can pay for necessities.

If it involves paying off debt then all future money can be used for family use and not to pay off interest.

juliamarsh

jamespir wrote: »

sorry she chose to get a credit card she chose to spend on it

thats not nrp fault at all therfore the money should still go to the kids

A credit card is merely a means of making payment, spending on it to pay for necessities for your children is not a choice.

John_Pierpoint

How old are these kids?
Growing up in what seems to be a single parent household, they need to learn the financial facts of life.
By the time they are teenagers they definitely need to know about all the facts of life and in my estimation intelligent 10 year olds can cope with such knowledge.
Accounts and budgetary control starts here.

sidsmum wrote: »

When a woman finds herself by herself with the children, and the father doesn't immediately start paying maintenance for the said children, she probably has some difficulty feeding and clothing them, and giving them extras they have come to expect.

I had a father who was brought up in a household like that - spending his grandfather's hard won wealth. It did him no favours, though it taught me some lessons the hard way, when he dropped dead aged 50, maxed out on his overdrafts.

lizalloareds

Yes pay off the debts, as long as your children are well cared then it's nothing to do with anyone what you do