Real Life MMD: Should the cash go to my kids or pay off debt?

TBagpuss

Yes, of course you can use the money for the debts. The money is yours, not your childrens'.

Even if you hadn't had the debts, you don't have to use the money directly on buying things for the children. It is part of your household budget. The children benefit from having a roof over their head, and from having heat,light water etc, so spending it on rent/mortgage and utilities is fine. The children benefit from whatever else you spend the money on, whether it is food, clothes, fuel.

Once you factor in all of those things, I'm sure you're already spending far more on the children than you receive. How you budget it is up to you.

if or when your overall budget allows it, by all means use some of the money to increase the pocket money / allowance that you give your children, or to put into savgns for them, if you want to. But you are not under any obligation to do so

And your ex is not entitled to breakdown or an explanation of how the money is used. If he asks, and you want to give a response, simply state that it is used for the benefit of the children. Which is true whatever you spend it on - even if for no other reason than that the less debt you have, the less stressed you are likely to be, and the children reap the benefit of a Mum who is less stressed and has more energy to focus on them! The reality of course is that they are likely to benefit lots of others ways too.

If it makes you feel more comfortable, use the money forom him to pay for whatever you would have bought for the children, and transfer the same abount of your money from other sources to pay down the debt.

Finally, I absolutely agree with those saying it is inappropriate to suggest that the childnre should write to thank their dad.
If their dad gives them a gift, then 'Thank You's are appropriate. If he provides som e extra cash, over and above the maintenace, then a thank you would be appropriate.
This is not a gift, it is the support which he owes to you, for looking after his children. Would you expect the children to send you a thank you note every time you cook a meal or drive them to school?

bennett2kuk

Assuming what you say is correct and you have run up debt solely paying for items for your children then this money should obviously go to pay for that.
If you know not all of the money was for this purpose then a certain amount should go towards items they currently need but what's the point in lavishing expensive gifts on your kids now to scrimp and save in other areas that would detrimentally affect them in other ways.

Pay off the debt and don't do it again.

djb77

Pay off your credit card debt. As others mentioned the debt arose because the father wasn't sending any money to support the children so the mother had to borrow money instead. Now the father has sent some money it is time to repay the borrowed money.

To the people who says the money should go to the children it already hence the debt.

Grumpysally

I think its ridiculous to expect the children to thank their father for the things 'his' money has bought. Perhaps they should be thanking their mother for the sacrifices she's probably had to make so far.
Where was 'his' money when their mother was getting into debt to feed and clothe them.
How do we know the money is now coming willingly anyway and that he hasn't only just been tracked down by the CSA having deliberately shirked his responsibility so far.
Pay off the debt with the money that has been freed up and as quickly as possible. Then try and save some. You dont know if or when the maintenence will dry up again.

( been there, done that, not bitter at all, :eek:)

Talent

There are some real idiots on this site. PAY OFF THE DEBT!

milvusvestal

Your conscience may tell you that it doesn't really matter which you choose but, from the financial angle alone, it's your credit card that should be given priority - after all, you ran up bills on that to help pay for your children's needs.

There is certainly no reason to feel guilty about clearing your debts first. Just think - if you fall into arrears with your credit card payments, you (and your children) will end up in a worse state than you are now.

juliamarsh

jamespir wrote: »

no it should be spent on the kids thats what its there for its child support not credit card support

What a ridiculous remark, and the one made by Scotsbob too!! They are clearly unaware that virtually everything us single Mums spend on our credit cards relates directly to our children and their welfare and we have neither the time nor the financial means to indulge ourselves with unnecessary luxuries!!

Grumpysally

Money spent on the children in my book includes; the mortgage / rent that keeps a roof over their head, the gas / electricity to keep them warm and fed, TV licence, petrol money, not to mention school clothes, school trips, presents for friends birthday parties...... etc.
Presumably mum was doing all this before dad finally coughed up.

lu_82

I think it depends why the kids' father is estranged. If he made a committment to you before you chose to have kids together and then ran off and left you in the lurch through no fault of yours, then you deserve his money and it's fine to use it to pay off your debts. If you took his kids away from him, or made the choice to have kids on your own, then he does not owe you anything and you should use your own money to provide for them - anything extra you get from him should be spent directly on luxuries for them.

juliamarsh

lu_82 wrote: »

If you took his kids away from him, or made the choice to have kids on your own, then he does not owe you anything and you should use your own money to provide for them - anything extra you get from him should be spent directly on luxuries for them.

Well, it is not strictly true that under those circumstances he would not owe her anything as legally the absent parent is obliged to contribute financially towards their children's upkeep whatever the circumstances of the breakup.