Real Life MMD: Should the cash go to my kids or pay off debt?

oldtrout

scoobydoobydoo wrote: »

I put all the money in the pot, so maintenance, my money, Child benefit etc is in the same account. Some months I spend less than the child support, other months I spend more so it evens out.

Aslong as the kids are getting everything they need, then throw as much as you can at the CC debt, because you are paying through the nose in interest for that.

If you want to be pedantic (as some posters apparantly do) then ring fence the maintenance and put the money you are saving yourself on the debt. The children will ultimately benefit because you will be doubly better off when you are no longer servicing debt so it is in their interest to to get rid of it asap.

I agree! This is good advice

Noisyfrogs

This is such an easy question, speaking as a father who pays his maintenance, I hope and know that my exwife uses it to pay her debts off. After all in this unbalanced world we live in everyone knows that debt is the worst thing you can have around your neck. Especially with the volatility of the employment market. Having been bankrupt many years ago because of credit card debt I would hate to think of the mother of my children having to endure and put them through the same horrible experience. Get those cards paid off and cut them up!! As Scoobydoo very correctly said its all money in the pot, its a question of using it wisely..

Tiptaker

Where's the dilemma? You used your credit card to pay for the kids' stuff, now you are in a position to use his money to pay off that debt.

eirian_2

Pay off your credit card first in full as this is probably causing you stress and worry then this will effect you and the children. I'm sure the children have everything they need and there is no need to spend for the sake of spending. This is money that you should have had from the beginning. If you had received it from the start then you wouldn't have a big credit card bill. Try and stay away from using your card in future or always pay off the balance. Take this opportunity now to sort your financial affairs and start again from scratch. Try and budget within your means. If you don't have the money then ask yourself do I really need it when buying.

wisemark

Yes, always pay off your debts first. That's what Martin always says. Why would you want to pay interest when you could be spending it on your kids?

Voyager2002

This is one case where the moral question is misleading. Yes, of course it would be morally right to use the money to repay borrowing for things the children needed, and yes, of course it is sensible to repay credit card debt and so reduce the interest you have to pay. But there are other considerations:
1. If your 'ex' learns that this payment simply disappeared to deal with debt in your name, he will feel justified (wrongly) in avoiding future payments just as soon as he finds a way to wriggle out of them. OTOH if he receives evidence that the money was used for his kids, he is more likely to make future payments;
2. Children benefit from knowing that an absent parent still cares for them and does something to look after them. Of course, if they then send 'thank you' notes to him making clear how they have benefited, then future payments are more likely.

In the longer term, I would suggest explaining to him that you have debts that were incurred by buying things that the children needed, and at that point direct some of the maintenance towards the credit cards.

minuettoallegretto

I can't understand the people who are saying not to clear your debts with this money. Once the money has arrived in your account it is YOURS - and noone else has the right to dictate what you spend that money on. They can express a preference, but it's your choice. If you are paying interest on card debt, there is less money to spend on the children anyway, so they lose both short-term and long-term. After several years of struggling on benefits with no help from the CSA, I now have CSA money coming in - and it's spent on whatever is needed for the whole family, not just on what the eldest happens to think he "needs".
If it helps, think like the airlines - put your own oxygen mask on first, so you can then help your children. If you do theirs first, you all lose out.

sarahrunner1

Definitely pay off the debt!

bigperk

An absolute no-brainer I would say - you've already been buying them things their dad should have been giving you money for, putting yourself into more expensive debt. Pay off what credit you can with his money. Then you'll pay less interest and have more available to buy the kids more things (and give yourself a bit of a treat, too - it's worth a bit of a celebration getting money out of tight-wad people trying to evade their responsibilities, and making your life more difficult).

Good Luck!

Lexis200

I'm a bit confused with the people saying it must be used for the kids not the debt; my guess would be these comments come from people who have never been forced to use credit to exist and can't comprehend that spending has not been on luxuries but simply on living day to day. Do you think it's going to be used to buy sweets, tv's, games etc, or perhaps the latest branded trainers? Surely it'll be used to buy food, clothing and other essentials with the possibility of an occasional treat if it's been a good month?

It's not like this is extra 'play' money for the OP, it's money that will stop her having to rack up debt. If that debt can be cleared by using the payments then that's fantastic and the kids will benefit both short term from a less stressed mum and long term as money will get less and less tight. I think the oxygen mask analogy was spot on!

OP, pay your debt and don't feel guilty about it - remember, paying it off is helping your children and will lead to a better and easier time for you and them money-wise! If you want to, maybe keep a little bit aside each month from your OH's payments and do something nice with the kids once you've saved up enough. Remember, the quicker your debt is reduced the quicker you can treat your children to the little bits you want them to have:)