at my wits end and hit rock bottom!!

Savvy_sewing

While you wait for the re assessment of the housing benefit, you can still start to do the rest of your SOA.
That way you will start to feel pro active. You can still contact the CAB or the CCCS and start the wheels in motion if you think that your current outgoings will be higher then the income.
Start keeping a note of every penny that you spend. its an amazing deterant to stop spending on the little things that you can get by without. Like the stack of magazines, or the extra sweets etc.
Look at the Food budget. That is always one that can be trimmed, with a few good menu plans, and the other grocery challenges etc you will start to be more inventive, use things up, and stop any wasteage. You should be able to easily live on £50 a week for food, or even a lot, lot less. There are plenty of people on here who are doing the same.
Store cupboard challenges as well.

I am pleased that you got some sleep, and that you are feeling brighter today.
Keep you head up, and dont beat yourself up about making a mistake, or a decision that you didnt know at the time would be difficult now.

Take Care
Mooloo

dancingfairy

Hi. O.k worst case scenario - say you stole 1200 pounds from your employer - would you go to jail? I'm guessing not. I seriously can't see you getting into trouble for this loan - you took it out in desperation, o.k with hindsight it wasn't the best idea but hey.., you intend to repay the loan (and payments so far back this up?), the company obviously didn't do thorough checks (or if they did they decided it was o.k).
You can't change the past but you do need to stop it ruining your future. You need to do the right thing, and right now it sounds like the best thing you can do is get help from a debt charity and arrange a repayment plan with everyone.
Best of Luck
df

scared_and_alone

well ive taken my first step today and have made an appointment to see my doctor. i just feel that i need to get my head in a better place before i can deal with any of this

df, yes all of my payments are up to date, i havent defaulted on anything but i realise that this wont be the case for much longer so i need to get a grip on things

i hope no one on here hates me too much or is angry with me, trust me i do feel bad and i really am a good person who has just made some wrong decisions

Savvy_sewing

scared_and_alone wrote: »

well ive taken my first step today and have made an appointment to see my doctor. i just feel that i need to get my head in a better place before i can deal with any of this

df, yes all of my payments are up to date, i havent defaulted on anything but i realise that this wont be the case for much longer so i need to get a grip on things

i hope no one on here hates me too much or is angry with me, trust me i do feel bad and i really am a good person who has just made some wrong decisions

I am sure that nobody here is judging or hating you. And even if someone was negative etc, they do not know you personally, so they cannot judge. Occassionally you get a spiteful person responding but in the 4 years I have been on here it has been very rare.
Just keep your chin up, and remember that there are thousands upon thousands of people in your situation or even worse.
You have not defaulted on anything, which is good, it means that you are facing up to the problems straightaway and are not waiting for the balls to all come tumbling down on you.
You will get passed this stage fright feeling and will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel as soon as you start to do all the various money saving exercises that are here, and you could look at ways to Up your Income etc at the same time, if that would have a way of helping you.
At 13years old your son is at a sensitive age where he will want to be the Man of the house, etc so I wonder if it would be a good idea to actually sit him down, and tell him that the reason Mum is so upset is that with things changing, what ever the changes are, that you will need to be making lots of changes in things, and that you would like his help.
Makesure that if he wants to talk you leave a door open for him to talk to you. If he doesnt and just wants to be with his mates then let him. But hiding it from them can be a lot worse.
He is old enough to understand, and will possibly have come across the problems with a peer or two at school? As the economic situation worsens there are going to be even more people in a mess.

Keep your chin up, take care and dont judge yourself so harshly. You dont have to beat yourself up.

pebble65

scared_and_alone wrote: »

well ive taken my first step today and have made an appointment to see my doctor. i just feel that i need to get my head in a better place before i can deal with any of this

df, yes all of my payments are up to date, i havent defaulted on anything but i realise that this wont be the case for much longer so i need to get a grip on things

i hope no one on here hates me too much or is angry with me, trust me i do feel bad and i really am a good person who has just made some wrong decisions

Well done for being brave and taking the first steps. And if anyone on here behaves like you fear, seriously-they ain't worth being concerned over .Take it one step at a time.

Take your mind off it a bit by reading the other forum sections/boards for tips on being more frugal, having a good moneysaving festive season (some amazing ideas on the other boards!), how to cope with some of the problems - there is so much good advice and genuinely good people on MSE. It really is a waste of your time worrying about the orrible ones, just ignore them and concentrate on getting yourself feeling less worried. You are on a low ebb now but hopefully it will get better for you soon.Really-well done!

sickasachip13

You know what, this can be worked out fine, yes, it will take time but it's going to be ok.

Your number one priority has to be the health of you and your son. Try and stop worrying about what you did or didn't tell the company. They should have checked things out better - to be honest, they're probably fairly unscrupulous and just happy to reel people in to more debt.

You're not alone here - a lot of us have been, or are, in significant amounts of debt and lots of people here have been in some dark places sometimes.

I did a blog recently for CCCS, you might like to read it, it's two parts and can be found here:

http://moneyaware.co.uk/2011/09/my-debt-hell/

Get in touch with CCCS or payplan and started tackling this situation a bit at a time.

best of luck x

Northern_Lassy

scared_and_alone wrote: »

well ive taken my first step today and have made an appointment to see my doctor. i just feel that i need to get my head in a better place before i can deal with any of this

df, yes all of my payments are up to date, i havent defaulted on anything but i realise that this wont be the case for much longer so i need to get a grip on things

i hope no one on here hates me too much or is angry with me, trust me i do feel bad and i really am a good person who has just made some wrong decisions

Hello, I just read your diary and I just wanted to say that I think are stronger than you give yourself credit for...To raise a child single-handedly whilst holding down a job and coping with depression is pretty inspiring in my book. You have made mistakes with money (haven't we all ) but you are facing up to your situation, there is nothing there that cannot be sorted out with some good advice and determination x You can do it !!

jlpike

Hi I have just read your thread and I think you have done very little wrong. Your creditors will not get too upset about a £1200 debt you are up to date with. You will be able to sort something out im sure.

I have a bit of experiance of depression my wife suffers quite badly from it and is currently on medication and is the happiest she ha ever been. I have seen it at its worst where she would go into complete meltdown over the stupidest thing like a couple of pots not washed up from the morning or having a report to write for work which would take her 1/2 hour. The thing is it makes you lose all proportion to small problems to a point you can get in a terrible state.

I'm not trying to belittle your problem but as all the posters have said you will be able to get this sorted quite easily but it seems like the end of the world at the moment due to your depression. It is a truly awful disease and I am only just starting to understand what she has been though by reading books etc.

Therefore don't worry about your debts but get help about your depression and hopefully in a little while things may not seem that bad. If you where ill in any other way you would go to the doctors and get help but for some reason with depression and other mental illness pople solder on and get worse.

You should be proud of what you have acheved in very difficult circumstances.

Savvy_sewing

Just wondering if you are feeling any better today.
Hope that the sunshine will help lift you from the depression, it always helps me.
Take care
Mooloo

scared_and_alone

hi, just wanted to say sorry i havent posted again before now but ive been so low i just didnt have the strength

i finally this morning plucked up the courage to phone CCCS who have been absolutely wonderful and told me not to worry about a things as they are with me now

they put me through to a counsellor straight away so the wheels for a DMP are now in motion and an instructions pack is on its way to me in the post

im still scared as to what the next month or so has in store but hopefully with CCCS on my side it may not be as bad as im imagining

ive yet to see my doctor as they couldnt get me an appointment till 21st but im going to try and get in sooner so i can start to fight my depression again as well as the debts

im also going to be a regular poster on here so would really appreciate all your help and guidance along the way so that i no longer feel scared and alone

i just want to say thank you so much for listening to me rant while ive been at my lowest and i hope that one day i can be of some help to someone else as you all have been to me so far...

xxx