at my wits end and hit rock bottom!!

scared_and_alone

i feel so low at the moment ive been an idiot and feel seriously suicidal right now!!

im a single mum with a 13 years old son. i suffer with depression although ive not felt so low as i do right now. because of what ive done i cant sleep, not eaten in days and i just feel like curling up in a corner, going to sleep and never waking up!

anyway heres my story but please dont judge me cause no one can hate me more than i hate myself right now...


ive been robbing peter to pay paul for a while now and i do have some debt. a couple of months ago i was in a situation where i desperately needed some cash so i stupidly applied to an online 12 month loan company and got accepted for £1200.

i didnt lie about my income but i told them my total income which along with my wages is made up of tax credits, maintenance from my ex and some housing benefit. they didn't ask to see a wage slip but the figure i told them that was on it wasnt just my earned wage but i included this other income too!!

my family circumstances have suddenly changed and i cant manage any more, i want to pay everything back and have read the posts about CCCS etc but im so scared now that if i include this on a DMP they will investigate further when they see how my income is made up!

im so soo scared and i know ive done wrong but i was desperate and have regretted it ever since. my son is noticing ive become withdrawn and im having nightmares about being dragged through court and hung, drawn and quartered when everyone finds out what ive done.

i have no one to turn to and nowhere to go, i really feel like ending it all right now, what have i done!!

crazyguy

Calm yourself down, they are only debts and can be resolved with a bit of work and a plan.

From what I gather you are now on your own and have debts so all you need to do is draft up an SOA ( Statement Of Affairs thats all income and outgoings contact the CCCS do not under any circumstances deal with a fee paying firm and they will help you with a payment plan.

scared_and_alone

crazyguy i feel like ive commited fraud by giving them my total income and not just what i earn from my job when they asked what was on my wageslip

i live from day to day as it is, dont go out as i cant afford to and just wish i could get out of this hole but i feel like ive dug myself in further

im serious about paying back every penny and i swear i never want to see the word credit again. i feel sick to the stomach and am shaking inside thinking i am going to be prosecuted for this.

sorry this is probably all tumbling out not making but sense but im sat here in such a state right now

crazyguy

scared_and_alone wrote: »

crazyguy i feel like ive commited fraud by giving them my total income and not just what i earn from my job when they asked what was on my wageslip

i live from day to day as it is, dont go out as i cant afford to and just wish i could get out of this hole but i feel like ive dug myself in further

im serious about paying back every penny and i swear i never want to see the word credit again. i feel sick to the stomach and am shaking inside thinking i am going to be prosecuted for this.

sorry this is probably all tumbling out not making but sense but im sat here in such a state right now

Right this is only an issue if you make it one ok,

Sort out an SOA, contact the CCCS they will understand the siuation and inturn contact whoever you owe money to and arrange a payment plan, you will not get into trouble for this so relax.

scared_and_alone

im sorry if i sound like im overracting but ive never sunk so low before and i feel so bad about it all, i just want my life back to normal...

Savvy_sewing

crazyguy wrote: »

Calm yourself down, they are only debts and can be resolved with a bit of work and a plan.

From what I gather you are now on your own and have debts so all you need to do is draft up an SOA ( Statement Of Affairs thats all income and outgoings contact the CCCS do not under any circumstances deal with a fee paying firm and they will help you with a payment plan.

Exactly what I would have said.
I have been there, with 4 kids! There is always a way out. You will not be hung, drawn or quartered. Even if the worst happens and you were to loose your home like I did, there is still a place to rent somewhere. To loose everything is hard, but to bury heads in the sand will not solve anything.
If they, who ever it is you think will be checking your application, you can point out that you didnt understand that it was not all your income. As it is an income of some sorts. I am sure I used all of my tax credits etc in my assessments of my incomes.
I did have to go bankrupt eventually, but that was some 13 years later over a business rather then my home etc.
I may not be able to get credit etc, but following all of the advice from the people on here, I have had a few threads running over the last 3 or 4 years. I couldnt have made it.
Life has its ups and downs, and sharing it is always the best policy. suffereing from depression is common, especially when debts come into play.

Sit down with a cuppa, a note pad, and work out on one side what you have coming in, or use the intitled too website calculations if your mid income.
Then right down what your debts are.
take a deep breath!.
Write down what you have to live on, (Not the debts the rest of the bills etc that you pay out.)
Obviously at the moment your payments will not be matching or you wouldnt be on here.
Then look at the types of debts they are?
Do you own your home? Is it a mortgage or rented?
Are the other loans Secured on your home or unsecured?
If they are unsecured then they are not as important as they like to think they are.
Find the courage to ring the Debt Councilling line, (free ones), they will ask you lots of questions, they will do a budget outline and a letter for you to use as a template to write to your creditors.
You then offer them a peppercorn amount and start to pay it. Dont wait for them to tell you that its not acceptable. That way if you have a CCJ then you can tell them that you have been paying.
At a CCJ they will ask your SOA, and then they will tell the person what you have to pay them. They will have to accept your current situation. You have to be left with the minimum at least to live on.
(This is usually what the government say that you have to live on.).

Take a look at the Living on £4,000 a year, and Frugal challenges.
I lived on £4,000 for a year. It can be done. That was for me and my 16 year old son, and my 2 year old granddaughter. Until I started to get funding for them.
Sorry to ramble on.
Just take that deep breath, we will hold your hand through it, and you will get over the worst the sooner you face up to it and tackle it.
Hugs to you.
Mooloo

crazyguy

scared_and_alone wrote: »

im sorry if i sound like im overracting but ive never sunk so low before and i feel so bad about it all, i just want my life back to normal...

You will feel much better in yourself once you have done as I suggested and contacted the CCCS, it will be like a great weight lifted from your shoulders.

You will get there in the end, dont be ashamed of debts a lot of people are in the same boat as you.

scared_and_alone

Mooloo thank you xx

i live in a rented house, all my debts are unsecured and im up to date with everything but i know this isnt going to carry on much longer. i know i should have sought help sooner instead of borrowing from one to pay another and i really think this has been my wake up call

i just feel like i have lied about my income from wages and am scared of what might be the consequences

Savvy_sewing

scared_and_alone wrote: »

Mooloo thank you xx

i live in a rented house, all my debts are unsecured and im up to date with everything but i know this isnt going to carry on much longer. i know i should have sought help sooner instead of borrowing from one to pay another and i really think this has been my wake up call

i just feel like i have lied about my income from wages and am scared of what might be the consequences

DO NOT WORRY.
YOU ARE FACING FACTS NOW.

Look at the changes in your income. Find out if you are entitled to anythingelse since the changes.
Look at the people that you owe money to.
Look at thier interest rates.
Take that into consideration when you try to pay off your debts.
Write to each of them with a REALISTIC offer of repayment.
Look at the budgeting threads on here.
Grocery challenges, loads of recipes on there.
Savings ones,
Pay a Debt a Day.
The people on those will also give you some inspiration.
In some cases you can write to things like Credit cards and ask them to stop adding the interest, as you cannot pay. It has been done. I have helped people do this before several years ago now though.
Things will improve. Honestly, it just takes time and tackling things.
i took each day as a challenge, and would challenge myself to have a no spend day, and to see if I could sell things off, etc. Decluttered everything and started again.
Good luck

Savvy_sewing

p.s. look at the christmas neutral challenges. and the upping your income ones. There are loads of proactive ways to deal with all of this.

scared_and_alone

i will, thank you x

im just waiting for housing benefit to reassess my claim and as soon as that's done i will know exactly what income i have coming in to start making plans


i was just scared that if i went to CCCS for help and my creditors saw my income and expeniture, this company might not have just accepted a change in circumstances as a reason when they saw how my income was made up and might have investigated further

i guess that just the mess my head is in right now