Contact with child whilst on holiday

gRoberts

Hi all,

I'm probably overreacting, but I thought I'd run it by you all to see if it's justified and if so, what can I do about it?

My ex took our kids on holiday for a week on Saturday morning gone and I left it until Sunday before asking for a phone call from the kids, just to know they got there ok etc.

I hadn't heard anything, so I sent another message today, to receive a message via my mother (she's friends via facebook with my ex) to say that my ex hasn't taken her mobile on holiday and the kids are ok.

One of my kids, isn't biologically mine. I asked his father, who he has regular contact with also, who informed me that our ex, informed him that she wasn't taking her phone on holiday, yet I wasn't informed of this, despite seeing her on Thursday before she left.

When ever I take the kids on holiday, she expects me to call her as soon as she asks, of which, regardless of where I am in the world, I always allow the kids to call her.

Is it just me, or is there something wrong here?

Cheers

967stuart

Your ex sounds like she is being pretty selfish.

LegalBlonde

How old are the kids?

gRoberts

6 and 9.

I appreciate that they are on holiday, but given the circumstances, I had expected a call.

Last year, prior to the holiday being booked, we agreed that I would have the kids this Sunday (18th) as I was doing the Great North Run, and as it's my first time, I wanted to have the kids there to cuddle etc when I crossed the line. Share the glory etc.

A few months ago, I was told that she had booked a holiday and when I raised the point that we had agreed to have them on a certain date, her response was 'oops I forgot'. OK, fine. Then she changed the dates of the holiday so that it cut into my weekend with the kids and also my birthday. Yet again, no consideration or even consultation with me prior to doing so.

Is there anything I can do about this, other than put up and shut up?

LegalBlonde

Are they on holiday in term time or are term times hugely different in your part of the world? The only reason I asked was to see if (a) they old enough to have their own mobiles (no) or (b) is it in term time and they are young in which case, did you agree to this holiday?

With the run and the b'day it sounds like she is doing it on purpose. Do you get to take them on holiday? (In or out of term time..)

flutterby_lil

Sounds pretty petty to me and like it is all about scoring points.

JimmyTheWig

I think the ex is being out of order, but I'm not sure that there's anything you can do about it.

gRoberts

They started school last week, so it's in a brand new school term. It could be allowed if it were say the Autumn or Spring term, but as the kids have just gone up a year, I think it's mad that the school allowed her to take the kids out for a week.

The oldest has a mobile phone from his biological father, but it's not used very often and as they are abroad, it's unlikely that they have taken it.

I do get to take them on holiday, but I only do so during school holidays. I wouldn't consider taking them on holiday during term as it affects their education.

As for agreeing to the holiday, as far as my ex is concerned, she couldn't give a **** whether I agree or not, she'll go ahead with it either way.

I rarely take the kids on holiday, although my parents do book holidays in which we invite the kids to come on. As a result, sometimes we have to book prior to telling my ex, but if it were a problem, we'd change the dates. I understand it's a slight contradiction, but we are always flexible.

Flutterby, to make matters worse, the laws on her side regardless of how it all looks. I may have parental responsibility for my daughter, but it doesn't mean jack these days

flutterby_lil

gRoberts wrote: »

Flutterby, to make matters worse, the laws on her side regardless of how it all looks. I may have parental responsibility for my daughter, but it doesn't mean jack these days

I don't agree that the law is on her side. The week after I met my OH he found out he had a baby on the way. The mother was very jealous and so on numerous occasions stopped him from seeing the child. He now has access, via a court order, for every other weekend. She tried to stop him from seeing her at all, so she hasn't got her own way and the law wasn't on her side. Just depends how far you are willing to go to get proper arrangements in place.

gRoberts

If she were to "try" and stop me from seeing the kids, she'd find her self in a very difficult situation.

I've been considering either shared care, or even full custody but given both children currently live with their mother, I didn't want to split the kids up.

We have a mutual (and documented) agreement in place to state that I will have both kids every fortnight for one day and then I'd have my daughter for a whole weekend each fortnight in between. More recently, it appears that both my kids are being shipped off to their fathers, under the illusion that they both want to stay over. Luckily, both my self and my son's father live very close (literally a street away) to each other and only 5 minutes walk from their mothers house. As a result, the kids can come and stay when ever they, or their mother would like.

swingaloo

She tried to stop him from seeing her at all, so she hasn't got her own way and the law wasn't on her side. Just depends how far you are willing to go to get proper arrangements in place.


I think thats a liitle harsh. I agree with the Op that parental responsibilty is great but it dosnt mean much in reality when the ex still wants to make life difficult.

We went to great lengths to get proper arrangements through the courts. Got the proper acess agreement in place. One day every other weekend and 2 weeks holiday a year. It means nothing if the mother says shes going somewhere else, a party, trip with relatives, is poorly, wants to play with her friends etc.

We have had years of it. We have picked up his daughter who has asked 'Why did you not come last week?'. (Because mummy said you were going to a party) In reality its because mummy told her daddy didnt want to be bothered.

Yes you can keep going to the court but its not that easy and puts the child in the middle of a tug of war. So we grin and bear it and tell her that its not that we couldnt be bothered and that perhaps mummy got the days mixed up because we dont want to call her mother to her.