Should I "out" my SIL's eating disorder?

Emmzi

mildred1978 wrote: »

They're not an excuse to be a horrible human being.

There is a huge difference between "excuse" and "reason" and until you know which it is, I'd be quiet. And probably ask the husband if he needs any help, he may be going spare with worry.

bobajob_1966

elfen wrote: »

Crikey! So cos she's insulted people and it's offended you, you think it's safe to out her ED. If someone did that to me not only would I be fuming but, as has been said, an ED is a mental illness, it would also take its toll on my mental health

Does one MH condition trump another? The offensive comments made by this relative are clearly impacting on the OP's self esteem, and from what she has described, that of many others also. Is it ok to make someone else unwell simply because you are suffering?

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I'd go as far as tell her that you find her opinions offensive, then hide all future updates. Yes it is a mental illness and she quite obviously needs help (which she's only going to get if she can herself accept she is ill) but at the same time its no excuse for being so offensive (..and i do have a mental illness)

Very well said.

mildred1978

Emmzi wrote: »

There is a huge difference between "excuse" and "reason" and until you know which it is, I'd be quiet. And probably ask the husband if he needs any help, he may be going spare with worry.

They aren't married, and he has health issues that probably make him unaware of it/unprepared to challenge her.

shellsuit

Why do you want to out her?

It's the comments that are bugging you, so comment on her comments.

If I didn't agree with someone, or thought someone was being downright nasty or cruel, I'd let them know, but I wouldn't feel the need to be as mean to them.

puddy

LMCD wrote: »

Fair enough you disagree - but as to your implicit pressure - I personally can't see that happening, I have never seen this first hand myself though there are plenty of people I know who have facebook and mobiles and use neither and thats just how it rolls for folks I accept that.

I guess it may be 'society' is something going on around me which I am a bit ignorant to/don't bother with.

well im the same, i have a facebook account, god knows why, i never use it, never look at it but have found that friends of mine feel its unsociable not to use it, respond to friend requests etc, i wish i could get in gear and get the whole thing deleted

also mobiles, i have one but dont really use it much but am very aware of the social expectations of these things. i remember a team meeting in a previous job. its the nature of my job that we have to use mobile phones whilst out in the field. because of the way this employer was, they wouldnt give us each a mobile and this caused tons of safety and practical problems. at this team meeting where we were talking about this, someone said something about their (own) phone not being able to do something or other which made it impractical to use our own phones and that we should have phones for our own use, i cant remember what, and the manager said that we should all get ourselves better mobiles.

that may seem a silly example but he had to be reminded that we are under no obligation to even have a mobile of our own, its not the law! he suddenly realised how ridiculous he was being

poorly_scammo

If you 'out' her, all you're doing is unintentionally stirring the pot concerning your family and I don't see how it'd improve the situation.

I'd keep schtum and ignore her, unfriend her or whatever you call it.

neverdespairgirl

elfen wrote: »

Crikey! So cos she's insulted people and it's offended you, you think it's safe to out her ED. If someone did that to me not only would I be fuming but, as has been said, an ED is a mental illness, it would also take its toll on my mental health

Having a mental illness doesn't give you a free pass to be rude to everyone else.

moomoomama27

Kimberley82 wrote: »

wow what a !!!!!, and I mean you not her.

Eating disorders are mental health illnesses she needs help not you digging the boot in on fb. Either try and help her or leave her alone.

This I agree with 100%

Maybe it's you that needs the help?

patchwork_cat

Not a commonly held view, but I think that people who really struggle with their weight also have an eating disorder. Not really of help in the OP's problem, but all those who are supporting the SIL, perhaps they should also support the 'fat' people she is putting down.

gratefulforhelp_2

puddy wrote: »

i disagree, there is some implicit pressure by society about 'social networking sites' of which facebook is the biggest. if you're not on it, you're some sort of non entity.

I hold my hands up then, I'm a non-entity.