Fresh Air for dinner if I carry on like this.....

FattyBettyBoo

Oh dear .. it could be me writing this. I have a DD with a father that pays me nothing at the moment. I have been with my OH for 15 months and we have lived together for 4. He has a real problem with the fact that I have horses as he feels I can't afford them. I have £10,000 of CC debts all on 0%. I can easily afford my lifestyle but the debts are taking forever to go down. He says that if I sell my horse I can pay off my debts after a year, then save to buy a new one. The logic is understandable but nowhere does he take into account that fact that I have a huge connection to her, and having horses is about the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes. I daren't do an SOA as I will get shot down by many people who will say the same thing, not realising that it is a way of life and they are part of the family.

I really feel for you. Would putting your horse on loan or part loan be enough without selling it? I am trying to find a part loaner at the moment. I just wonder how long it will take you to sell in this climate x

downsizer3

Another single mum without any maintenance payments here - and I echo what you say about not wanting the hassle. You have the moral high ground and you are supporting your child. Well done you and extra well done on clearing the debt you have so far.
Its a real slog I know but one day we'll be able to say we're debt and (hopefully mortgage) free - keep it up and good luck.

freshair_2

Good day today, have spoken to Ma n Pa they leant me the money to buy the horse box, I.e.no horse no need for box, assumed the money would go straight back to them but they have said use it to pay something on high interest and then pay is back a 0% so that should help a bit with the interest at any rate, also have 3 people wanting to see my needy so everything crossed still.

Apart from that done very little of anything except take ds to karate, exciting day. Can do more packing tomorrow as 'sort of oh' is on nights so he won't get in the way

Hope everyone has had a good day

Monkeynut

I think it's a really good step that you are still trying to work things out with 'OH-ish!' by moving out again and seeing how things go, rather than ending the relationship there and then. A co-habiting relationship is difficult enough as it is sometimes, especially with debts thrown in on top, given that money becomes an issue when previously it may not have been.
Hope that taking this step will help keep things going for you both.

Great news about the horse box money from your parents, there's nothing better than being able to pay back debts at 0%. (well, other than not having them to pay back at all of course!! Which the day will come for all of us one day thanks to this lovely site!!

freshair_2

Happy Wednesday,

Well today I have had a great meeting for work already, so that bit is going well.

There are 2 ladies coming on Saturday to see the horse, the first one seems lovely and has a really nice home for her, I have seen the pics on facebook. The second one seems ok, but maybe she will be different in person. (there is a 3rd but we will see how we get on to start with). The lorry seems to be generating a bit of interest, maybe that might go on ebay if not from the ad.

Have a packing night tonight because OHish is on nights so that will be fun honest.

My next MSE plan is to sort utiliites etc, as I am moving can start from scratch with the cheapest, and best hopefully, and also to get exact balances for cards etc.

When I move will be able to meal plan etc better, because there won't be a human dustbin to take into account :rotfl:. If he thinks that I am feeding him everynight, or even on a regular basis, I think he needs to reconsider the idea greatly....not having that.

So much to do, so little time to do it

MrsMoo2U

My friend works full time and her OH is retired, she earns a pittance and he has lots of money. They dont live together She comes home from work and cooks his tea in her house using her electricity and gas, having bought the tea. Every night. She recently started to suggest that she feels slightly resentful. I have suggested that they take it in turns to cook for each other and maybe do a date night on Saturday. Would that work for you? At least you are at the beginning so you can set ground rules for sleep overs/ meals etc right from the start.

freshair_2

Thanks Moo, that is exactly the situation I don't want to get into, I will be even worse off than I am now. Ground rules will be set, and not all by OH, that will have to wait until we actually move out, i think.

DS is on board with the whole thing, even selling the horse there were a few tears, and I felt a bit guilty, he understood the whole concept. For a 6 year old that is quite an achievement, I hope he remembers all this when he is older so doesn't repeat the debt saga.

MrsMoo2U

I am sure DS will understand. We dont always give kids enough credit really. You are giving him a very solid basis on which to grow from. Whilst it seems very hard for you kids are extremely resilient and much more able to cope with things than us adults sometimes.

Good luck on the ground rules;)

gargrave50

Just popped in to say good luck with reducing your debts, and a brave decision to get rid of your horse. Hope your journey is fruitful, and you are setting a great example to your son. Hopefully our kids will learn the lessons we missed!!! xx Julie

the_cat

I feel your pain. I also sold my horse (a few years ago now) when DH got made redundant and it became clear that it was either a case of feeding the horse or the children. It will be enormously hard to do but you WILL get through it. My fella ended up with a lovely family who doted on him and could give him everything he ever needed. He still sends me homemade Christmas cards (he was always very advanced:D:o:D) and I could have kept up contact if I wanted but felt it was easier not to.

Plus I have the knowledge that every time he gets a little kick/scrape/whatever that would end up with a vets bill/bute/antibiotics they have the funds to deal with it...... I would have spent nights awake agonising over how to afford it. I would have done it anyway so he didn't suffer, but horses need a healthy float for all those unforseens, don't they?