Being dumped when pregnant. Advice needed pls

creditcard123

Dumping you because you wont an abortion thats outrageous.
Just remember you are a strong independent woman who does not need him or his permission to have this baby
I hope you have a strong network of family and friends who can help you
Good Luck

DUTR

creditcard123 wrote: »

Dumping you because you wont an abortion thats outrageous.
Just remember you are a strong independent woman who does not need him or his permission to have this baby
I hope you have a strong network of family and friends who can help you
Good Luck

This is the bit that is fallacy and perhaps why the OP is posting, the rest of the post I agree with, there is no point pretending though going through the birth on her own and pushing a pram around or going to register the birth all on her own and stuff like that is very appealing or a lifestyle many would choose?
I don't think anyone ould disagree that having and raising a child between two adults who love and care for each other can be beaten

angelil

Sounds like you are well shot of him.

Can only agree with all that has been said above: be discreet, but tell the truth to anyone who asks, and don't be afraid to seek help through your family, the CSA, or Women's Aid.

I'd also give the baby my surname if it were me; I know the baby will have half his DNA but that's no reason to have his name hanging over like a black cloud too.

nearlyrich

DUTR wrote: »

I don't think anyone ould disagree that having and raising a child between two adults who love and care for each other can be beaten

Probably not but sometimes the 2nd parent is a waste of space and the only parent has to do it all alone. Once the baby is conceived the choices are limited when the father decides he is off.

I have no regrets about raising my children without their natural father, although planned it was too much responsibility for him to be a dad, he left when I was 7 months PG with number 2.

Don't feel bad OP it happens a lot more than people think you are better off without a man who doesn't want to take responsibility and he will have to take financial responsibility or take the consequences.

happydays77_2

DUTR wrote: »

He will be all mixed up with emotions too, I'm not defending him, been there myself, just be mindful of support that slags him off, when things cool down he may come round and then you have to withdraw all the bad press respondants that don't even know him are saying. Some of his bad points should have been recognised long before you found out you were expecting. It takes two to make a baby, so he must have some good points .

It would have been nice to see support from those that have been in a similar position to what you find yourself in right now, share their experiences with you, each episode will be different although one episode may assist you massively.

I agree he certainly does have some good points but recently it's only the bad he portrays.
I am very mindful to not slag him off to friends and family as I am only too aware I am probably going to be having to deal with him, in one capacity or another, for a long time.
You could well be right in that he is scared but I don't think that can excuse some of the things he has said or his attitude.
Thanks for your input though, it's nice to see different sides.

January20

happydays77 wrote: »

I just find it upsetting he is refusing to even tell his parents or other children about it. I know this will come back on him on the future and hes going to look very cruel for what he has done. He thought by pressurising me I would have an abortion but as I stood my ground he has decided to dump me instead.
I feel I am well rid of him

But you are not "well rid of him". You are having his baby, so you will be tied to him for a very very long time. If you are scared of him, don't be lulled into a false sense of security.

Have you thought about what happens if he changes his mind and decides he wants contact? have you thought about how difficult he can make your life if you don't do what he wants?

And have you thought about your child asking questions later on? wanting to know his/ her father? There will be so much that will impact on your life and you have no control over.

January20

angelil wrote: »

Sounds like you are well shot of him.

Can only agree with all that has been said above: be discreet, but tell the truth to anyone who asks, and don't be afraid to seek help through your family, the CSA, or Women's Aid.

I'd also give the baby my surname if it were me; I know the baby will have half his DNA but that's no reason to have his name hanging over like a black cloud too.

Surely, she could only give the baby his name if he was on the birth certificate?

make_me_wise

happydays77 wrote: »

My boyfriend has told me he no longer wants to see me and I am currently almost 11 weeks pregnant. He tells me he wants nothing to do with myself or the baby. He has also stated that he will tell none of his family that I have ever had his child. We live in a small town and I think there is no way this will happen. I don't want to upset or anger him as he is a bit of a control freak so I am wondering the best way to handle questions off other people regarding the baby.
Should I completely keep his name out of the picture?
Thanks in advance

Oh my good god what a total basteward he is. It sounds to me like you are a bit scared of him. All you have put in your OP is how he feels and what he wants. Seeing as he no longer wants to be with you or have anything to do with his child, it is time to think solely about what you want and need and what is best long term for your baby.

It takes two to make a baby, so why should you be left in the lurch and made responsible to raise and provide for this child by yourself. It is all very well and good him changing his mind when you are 11 weeks gone. He needs a reality check there doesn't he. I would not keep him out the picture or off the birth certificate. When or if you contact the csa to claim child maintenance I think this is helpful to them pursuing him to be financially responsible.

My advice is when people ask you tell them the truth, in as much detail as you are comfortable with. He sounds like a nasty, selfish individual but that doesn't give him the right to block your childs access to its paternal family. I wonder how his parents might feel about not knowing they have a grandchild.

You tell us that you live in a small town. I am guessing it is the type of place where people live in each others pockets a bit and know peoples business. Be honest and straight up from the start. Keeping secrets and not saying who the father is will backfire.

I am so sorry you find yourself in this position and really hope you will be okay.

GlynD

What a nasty git this man is. He deserves all that's coming to him.

DUTR

January20 wrote: »

Surely, she could only give the baby his name if he was on the birth certificate?

I think any name can be given on the BC, I agree with your earlier post though, the OP won't be well rid of him in the true sense, everyday she will see him when she looks at the child