Being dumped when pregnant. Advice needed pls

marywooyeah

happydays77 wrote: »

He actually dumped me because of my refusal to have an abortion.

I'm sorry to hear how you have been treated but am happy for you that you stood your ground. my ex bullied me into an abortion then dumped me 2 days later - so I'd lost my boyfriend and my baby - it was the worst time of my life and affects me to this day.
With a mother as brave, sensible and loving as you, something tells me this baby won't miss having his deadbeat dad around. Best of luck for the pregnancy xxx

FBaby

happydays77 wrote: »

I can assure you there was no tricking going on.

So you discussed having a baby, he said yep great idea, you stopped your contraception, you fall pregnant, and then he says you should go and have an abortion and then dumps you when you say no, say that he doesn't want any of his family to know...What happened that he had such a change of mind?

C_Mababejive

When the balls are full,the brain is empty....

happydays77_2

FBaby wrote: »

So you discussed having a baby, he said yep great idea, you stopped your contraception, you fall pregnant, and then he says you should go and have an abortion and then dumps you when you say no, say that he doesn't want any of his family to know...What happened that he had such a change of mind?

This is a question I would dearly love to know the answer too.
People say he may well come round but I no longer need a man like that in my life and my estimations of him have gone down.

gtothec

I haven't been reading / posting on this relationships section for very long but over the past few days I have noticed an uncomfortable pattern.

It seems that when someone comes on looking for advice there is the intial flurry of sympathy and positive messages, then there is a sense that some posters don't really believe whats going on. There seems to be a level of suspicion and vindictiveness that I assume some people enjoy, causing the poster to be interrogated on a level I would never expect to hear face to face.

I'm not sure if its just the few posts I've looked at or whether there is history I don't know about, but it would certainly make me think twice about sharing a problem.

Good luck happydays, you've had some good advice, the next steps are up to you:money:

DUTR

gtothec wrote: »

I haven't been reading / posting on this relationships section for very long but over the past few days I have noticed an uncomfortable pattern.

It seems that when someone comes on looking for advice there is the intial flurry of sympathy and positive messages, then there is a sense that some posters don't really believe whats going on. There seems to be a level of suspicion and vindictiveness that I assume some people enjoy, causing the poster to be interrogated on a level I would never expect to hear face to face.

I'm not sure if its just the few posts I've looked at or whether there is history I don't know about, but it would certainly make me think twice about sharing a problem.

Good luck happydays, you've had some good advice, the next steps are up to you:money:

In fairness I think everybody hopes no OP has a rough time, I think the person that questioned the ambiguity was correct to do so, I don't think any malice was meant by posing the question. One hat does not fit all it would seem only the Ops partner knows why he has 'suddenly' changed his mind, as a termination should not be taken lightly

happydays77_2

I am not offended by any post and am quite happy to answer any questions no matter how controversial. That is all part of the debate and helps me see the problem from different angles.
I understand this type of questioning may offend other people but I assure you I am ok with it.

helphelphelphelp

My ex wanted nothing to do with my youngest the whole time I was pregnant, always referred to her as 'it'. Didnt come to any scans etc, but I knew I was keeping the baby despite him wanting nothing to do with her.

2 1/2 years down the line he is now involved to some extent, much more so the older she gets. She was born on a Tuesday and it was only the Saturday before that he decided to be at her birth. Throughout the time of my pregnancy, and despite getting little help during the first year of her life, I have always remained civil to him and let him see her when he wanted to and left the door open for him so he could be a father. The way he behaved I could quite easily have denied all access and not seen him again but for my daughter's sake kept him in the picture. It took a long while for him to finally come round to the idea of him having another daughter but I am pleased I did it this way as she now has her dad and he will help out when needed. But it hasnt been easy as I do have a lot of resentment against him still but for her sake try to get on with him.

Good luck

gtothec

DUTR wrote: »

In fairness I think everybody hopes no OP has a rough time, I think the person that questioned the ambiguity was correct to do so, I don't think any malice was meant by posing the question. One hat does not fit all it would seem only the Ops partner knows why he has 'suddenly' changed his mind, as a termination should not be taken lightly

Yeah, don't get me wrong - I don't think questions are a problem at all. My outburst wasn't entirely directed at this thread either, its just that I've seen a few threads turn a bit sour recently and I have felt for the OP a bit.

January20

gtothec wrote: »

Yeah, don't get me wrong - I don't think questions are a problem at all. My outburst wasn't entirely directed at this thread either, its just that I've seen a few threads turn a bit sour recently and I have felt for the OP a bit.

I think often OPs don't put all the necessary information in a thread. For instance, in this thread the OP didn't say that the baby was a joint decision, therefore other posters started to speculate as to whether she had tricked her partner, or it had been an accident etc. I'm not saying it's right be be nasty - far from it - but I think that's why posters are weary and sharp in their answers.