Being dumped when pregnant. Advice needed pls

Nicki

When you say he doesn't want his family to know what exactly does that mean? That he doesn't want his parents to find out as some posters have assumed you mean, or that he doesn't want his wife and children to find out? How old are his existing children and have they ever met you? Whilst he will have to tell them himself eventually, I have some sympathy with him not wanting his children to find this news out from anyone other than himself, and can also understand why he may not plan to tell them until you have a viable pregnancy which he is 100% sure you are continuing with.

Was baby planned (by both of you)? How longstanding was the relationship? Was he long term single when it started? All of these are relevant questions when deciding how big a bar steward he is for leaving at this point.

You obviously have a support network of your dad at least, and am I right in recollecting you also have a son, so know what the life of a single parent is like already? So, maybe you don't need the advice which has been offered about how to cope on your own. As for whether to tell people who the father is, that's a question for you to decide, and to do so for the right reasons. Once the information is out, there is no withdrawing it. So I would only tell if you want people to know who the father is, not to embarrass the man in question. There is no shame in saying dad is someone you were in a long term relationship with but he's no longer on the scene, if in 5 years time you might prefer people not to saying that your child is John Smith's little boy, but has been disowned by him. particularly if John Smith doesn't actually enjoy a good reputation in the area and your child could be tainted by association.

FBaby

I'm surprised posters are so quick to judge this man when we know nothing of the circumstances. For all we know, OP tricked him into this pregnancy, as in lying that she was on the pill blah blah blah. I'm not saying that this is what happened, just that we don't know. What seems clear is that this man doesn't want a baby. Now is it a case of him agreeing to have a family with OP, and then changing his mind. If so what prompted him to change his mind, or is it is case of an accident (although I am one of those who don't really believe in 'accidents' when it comes to pregnancy), or was he indeed led to believe that a pregnancy wasn't possible.

In any case, I think it is much too early to start making decisions on whether the father shouldn't be on the birth certificate or have his name. 29 weeks is a long way to go.

angelil

January20 wrote: »

Surely, she could only give the baby his name if he was on the birth certificate?

*shrugs*
I don't know, I haven't had children (and am married so hopefully will never have to find out the answer). All I can say is that in her position I would not want the baby to have its father's last name if the father has been so nasty to her and wants no involvement.

January20

angelil wrote: »

*shrugs*
I don't know, I haven't had children (and am married so hopefully will never have to find out the answer). All I can say is that in her position I would not want the baby to have its father's last name if the father has been so nasty to her and wants no involvement.

I agree with you: in such circumstances I wouldn't want my baby to have the father's name. In any circumstances actually if I wasn't married to the father.

I'm really surprised as, from other poster's replies, it seems you can give your baby any surname! I actually find it quite shocking but that's probably because back home until quite recently even first names had to be from an approved list (saved poor children being called after whole football teams - shame the rules were changed!)

geoffky

Can people stop calling this person a man please,Because one thing he is not is a man...

CH27

FBaby wrote: »

I'm surprised posters are so quick to judge this man when we know nothing of the circumstances. For all we know, OP tricked him into this pregnancy, as in lying that she was on the pill blah blah blah. I'm not saying that this is what happened, just that we don't know. What seems clear is that this man doesn't want a baby. Now is it a case of him agreeing to have a family with OP, and then changing his mind. If so what prompted him to change his mind, or is it is case of an accident (although I am one of those who don't really believe in 'accidents' when it comes to pregnancy), or was he indeed led to believe that a pregnancy wasn't possible.

In any case, I think it is much too early to start making decisions on whether the father shouldn't be on the birth certificate or have his name. 29 weeks is a long way to go.

If he doesn't want babies he should use a condom.

DUTR

Nicki wrote: »

When you say he doesn't want his family to know what exactly does that mean? That he doesn't want his parents to find out as some posters have assumed you mean, or that he doesn't want his wife and children to find out? How old are his existing children and have they ever met you? Whilst he will have to tell them himself eventually, I have some sympathy with him not wanting his children to find this news out from anyone other than himself, and can also understand why he may not plan to tell them until you have a viable pregnancy which he is 100% sure you are continuing with.

Was baby planned (by both of you)? How longstanding was the relationship? Was he long term single when it started? All of these are relevant questions when deciding how big a bar steward he is for leaving at this point.
.

A very valid point and one over looked by many (myself included)

happydays77_2

DUTR wrote: »

A very valid point and one over looked by many (myself included)

This man is not married and just has children from a previous marriage

happydays77_2

FBaby wrote: »

I'm surprised posters are so quick to judge this man when we know nothing of the circumstances. For all we know, OP tricked him into this pregnancy, as in lying that she was on the pill blah blah blah. I'm not saying that this is what happened, just that we don't know. What seems clear is that this man doesn't want a baby. Now is it a case of him agreeing to have a family with OP, and then changing his mind. If so what prompted him to change his mind, or is it is case of an accident (although I am one of those who don't really believe in 'accidents' when it comes to pregnancy), or was he indeed led to believe that a pregnancy wasn't possible.

In any case, I think it is much too early to start making decisions on whether the father shouldn't be on the birth certificate or have his name. 29 weeks is a long way to go.

I can assure you there was no tricking going on.

DUTR

happydays77 wrote: »

This man is not married and just has children from a previous marriage

Thanks for clearing that up .