Friends falling out

LittleMissInDebt

victory wrote: »

And you don't know why? Adding value? Strange term of phrase, adding value, not sure I have ever looked at it that way:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

No idea, don't know how I could add value either, I try always to be there for my friends and to help them as best I can when they need help, but I don't know how you add value to someones life - well not in any measurable way. My friends all add value to my life simply by being them, but I don't think that's what she meant.

Will never know now I guess

Pupnik wrote: »

I had a friend who was a bit like that too. We met at college and were best friends for the whole time we were there. On the last day I had a notebook I was using to get people to write messages and stuff in, and put photos in, and she wrote something like 'it was nice to have known you, maybe we will meet again some day?' It hadn't occured to me that this friendship was just a temporary fix! I should have been prepared for it though as I do remember early on in our friendship she had a call from an old school friend of hers and she muttered something like 'why is she calling me? We don't go to school any more.' I left that college 10 years ago and have only seen her once since then (it was quite uncomfortable) but weirdly she befriended me on Facebook and I see from her pictures she still meets up with some of our old mutual college friends who she never especially got on with back then- very odd!

I'd have found that message really disconcerting, I still have friends from when I was 13 because much as we may not have much in common and sometimes they annoy me (and me them I'm sure) because of our different ideals etc, they're like family to me. I can't imagine just dismissing someone because you're not in a convenient location any more.

victory

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CountingPennies

Just be there for your friend next weekend. Thats the best thing you can do. I hope she finds the answers she is looking for. xxx

victory

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QuackQuackOops

You always go on about caring about other people, "shes my friend..." but you seem to do nothing but talk about other people and their problems on here.
Why not actually BE a friend and spend some quality time with her and get off the PC?

victory

S......................................

QuackQuackOops

victory wrote: »

She is not here, she doesn't live with me:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:;)

I know that. Get in your car. Invite her over. Meet halfway.
Something other than going on about other people's issues all the time. Its not healthy for you one little bit.

top_drawer_2

This has happened to me too; in my case "something" happened in that I agreed to go on a weekend break with her and two of her friends. I had only known her for a few months but we really seemed to click. The holiday had been booked prior to me being invited. We were to stay in a hostel and one friend and her were to share, the other girl had sorted a large bedded dorm - all had prior experience of hostels etc while I hadn't.

I felt very worried about staying in a hostel and considered all the different scenerios if I found the dorm too much. After speaking to people who do have some experience they suggested I could just go into my friends 2bed shared room - childish maybe but I am of a sensitive "disposition" and my friend knows this. However, after we booked trains and my accomodation together, she spoke to her friend and it seems the provisional arrangements were a definite No-No for her, despite being "keen to meet me".

On this basis I decided to pull out of the trip (before she uninvited me because she was worried it could marr the holiday which she had been planning for a long time) for me it came down to that I didnt feel welcome and even if there was no bedroom issues, a sense of abandonment that my friend was fine with me feeling uncomfortable. We spoke about it and said it shouldnt come between us.

Anyway, since then I have made various efforts and although polite etc she doesnt seem to want the level of involvement that we previously seemed to have in each others lives (coffee regularly, sunday lunch, movies etc).

I was (and still am) to some extent gutted but I have just had to accept that I cant make someone be good friends with me. It just seems so unfair, like the other person "won" and I lost despite everything.

bestpud

Pupnik wrote: »

I had a friend who was a bit like that too. We met at college and were best friends for the whole time we were there. On the last day I had a notebook I was using to get people to write messages and stuff in, and put photos in, and she wrote something like 'it was nice to have known you, maybe we will meet again some day?' It hadn't occured to me that this friendship was just a temporary fix! I should have been prepared for it though as I do remember early on in our friendship she had a call from an old school friend of hers and she muttered something like 'why is she calling me? We don't go to school any more.' I left that college 10 years ago and have only seen her once since then (it was quite uncomfortable) but weirdly she befriended me on Facebook and I see from her pictures she still meets up with some of our old mutual college friends who she never especially got on with back then- very odd!

I hope the OP's friend is able to sort things out. I think it is worth going, just to be sure. One of my neighbours keeps getting notes and postcards popped through the letterbox asking where she is, why she hasn't called them, she should get in touch etc. Sadly there are never any contact details other than a first name so I can't get in touch with them to let them know she has been in intensive care since January! She came back for a few days over the summer and I asked if she had got her post but she said it had all been stolen so she never got those notes. I have
slipped the ones that have since arrived under her door so hopefully she will be able to get in touch with them.

Edit- oh, and I agree that the stirrer idea needs investigating. I once had a very confusing message from an old school friend asking me why I and another of our mutual friends were 'out to get her' and 'determined to ruin her life'. I had NO idea what she was talking about, I hadn't seen her for a few years and we were never that good friends anyway. I
shrugged it off as her being paranoid at the time but now I think someone must have said something about me to her and made up some ridiculous story. I'm not sure I'd have the power to ruin someone's life even if I wanted to!

Out of interest, does she lack confidence?

I used to have low self-esteem and that is the type of thing I'd have done, because I had such a low opinion of myself, I'd have thought there was no way you'd have wanted to know me once college finished.

Sounds bizarre, I know, but low self-esteem can be very damaging, without being obvious iyswim?

The friend I am talking about is a Uni friend and she has a habit of dropping people, but I know she is very insecure 'under the surface'. It's still hard though - I know how you feel.

CountingPennies

Just remembered about this thread... Did she end up going to see her friend?