Friends falling out

jayII

McKneff wrote: »

Just what I was thinking.:o

Sorry, pressed delete on my post by accident.

I've just re-read the OP and it says that friend is fine.

I struggled with the long post.

skattykatty

Can understand how it must be for her after a 30 year friendship! Seems like she needs to go and see what's up. How hard is it to keep putting yourself out there and get no response. This has happened to me as friends have moved away and got on with their lives far far away from the life we shared a friends. It took some time to let go and I would always be the one trying to get in touch or keep in touch. Finally, I got to the point where I could let it go too. I think there is something in the idea that when you let go of the old you make a space for something new in your life and now I am making new connections with new people and it's great! Your friend needs to come to this point in her own time. It took me a number of years to understand that 20 and 10 year old friendships had really fizzled out, so it would take time for her too if this is the case...as has been said, all you can do is be there for her whatever the outcome, without judging, criticising or analysing the process. It is what it is! How great it is she has people in her life, like you, who care!

nickyhutch

I don't get why you're so bothered about it. It's her friend, she wants to go and find out, so let her. If you want to be a really good friend, offer to go with her for some support.

jayII

victory wrote: »

I personally don't know her, although obviously know of her through my friend speaking about her but just that, no, the friend seems to be fine, well and dandy because my friend says her other friends have seen her, etc so there is no probs there.

The other friends do not want to risk their friendships by interfeering etc so when she has asked them about it they say 'ask her' or oh sorry this is between you and her or words to that effect.

This could all come across as terribly childish for a lady in her late 50's and confusing but my friend just wants to go up and see her and ask her why?

It is not as if she has not got any other ones or an OH or a job or kids or social life etc but she seems determined to get the answer to why?

Personally I would not go as far as driving over there, but I'm not fond of hanging onto worn out friendships at the best of times.

We all have to live with our own consciences and feel comfortable with our actions. If this is what she feels she has to do, to lay the situation to rest, then good on her for taking action.

She may end up being rejected and feeling foolish, but I'm sure she is aware of that possibility. Equally, she may be able to right a simple misunderstanding and rescue the friendship. It's her decision.

victory

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victory

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nickyhutch

Well she's worried and unhappy because she doesn't know what the problem is. Once she's been up there, she'll know one way or the other, wont she? Leave her be.

victory

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victory

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make_me_wise

victory wrote: »

So, has anyone been put in an unexpected,uncomfortable, confrontational' situation? What did you do? Slam the door? Refuse to talk? Drive off?

I can't stop her, grown adult and all that but am worried for her when she gets up there,taking the chance she is in and then what?

I have been on the other side of things from your friend. I was the one who cut ties with someone. I didn't respond to phone calls, emails, letters etc. For really good reason I might add, this is not something I did lightly and have only ever had to do it the once. She knew why but it didn't stop her making everyone else think she didn't know what was going on or coming up to where I live and trying to 'find out what was wrong'.

You know your friend best and maybe in this instance she really is completely mystified as to what is going on. Part of me suspects she knows why the friendship has stopped, but that could just be me going on my own experiences. She is a grown woman. If she wants to go and see this friend and try to sort things out then so be it. What is the worse that can happen? Worse case scenario is this friend wont answer the door or she will and then slam it in this womans face. Best case scenario is she will be pleased to see her but there may be some big problem that she has been trying to cope with alone. I hope for your friends sake that she is fully prepared emotionally for all eventualities.