MSE Pregnancy Club 23

mozzyc

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

one way to look at the OH and sleeping thing.
Ok - so you both need your sleep granted.
BUT
Imagine how you would feel if - after making your OH get up to do night feed's he fell asleep at the wheel and caused some major collision - killing himself, and possibly others? Ok, this is an EXTREME thing but it DOES unfortunatly happen and i personally dont think it is really worth the risk for the sake of a night feed.
Why not try and come to a compromise? Say - When he gets in from work until 10pm he looks after the baby whilst you nap/rest etc and you take over from 10pm?
It's not as if you wont get ANY sleep - It will just be interrupted every so often

That's basically what we've done. He'll help out on nights where he's not driving the next day, and do some feeds when he gets back from work. As for the 10pm feeds, I guess he could do that, if he stayed awake till that time!
That's basically my point to him, he cant just go to bed at 8pm anymore. It might just have to be later, otherwise i'm only seeing him for 2/3hrs max when he gets back from work then is off to bed again.

We've sorted it out this morning. I just wanted him to realise that its hard work, and I will need help during the week.

Gillyx

Exercise :rotfl: tell him if he can carry around 2 babies, work 12 hours like it seems you are and cope with all the hormone changes and can find the motivation for exercise you'l consider it!

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Gillyx wrote: »

On his part I meant, not yours like if he said that, it comes across as, well if you want me to help with baby I could end up killing myself and/or others.

That's what I'm saying, you do get sleep, so your body learns to cope on less. We all have nights where we see every hour on the clock, does that mean those with long commutes should call in sick to work in the off chance they may fall asleep at the wheel?

I'm not saying this man should be driving to work if he's chronically tired, and 1 or 2 nights a week if he feels the need to sleep in the spare room I think that's fine, BUT 5 nights a week? The burden on the mother is then awful, and if you do get a child that doesn't sleep great I think I'd need support, not my OH saying "right love I'm away to sleep, night night" that would breed resentment I think, anyway.

Ah but he hasnt said it - I did lol he's probably looking at it same point of view granted lol

i think every mother resents their OH at some point or other no matter how much sleep they get lol

I think - in the poters position - i would look at it ad hoc. As mentioned there is no reason he can't do feeds etc from "in from work" until 10pm and then mother takes over. Even at 10pm at night the baby COULD still be asleep and might well be for another few hours (So essentially the mum could sleep from say 7pm - 2am, with baby having last feed at 9pm, then sleep until say 2am for example, feed at 2am, wake again at 5am) also if the mother got into a routine of napping when the baby napped its easier (and would cause a lot less arguments) IMO.

If the mum is having a REALLY bad night then yes - OH should help. But i think it's too much to expect the help constantly at night when there are other alternatives (but thats just me lol)

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

mozzyc wrote: »

That's basically what we've done. He'll help out on nights where he's not driving the next day, and do some feeds when he gets back from work. As for the 10pm feeds, I guess he could do that, if he stayed awake till that time!
That's basically my point to him, he cant just go to bed at 8pm anymore. It might just have to be later, otherwise i'm only seeing him for 2/3hrs max when he gets back from work then is off to bed again.

We've sorted it out this morning. I just wanted him to realise that its hard work, and I will need help during the week.

well he could - if it's his "baby shift" and the baby is asleep other wise tough lol

your OH sounds a lot like me, I have to be in bed by 9pm otherwise i'm a cow the next day lol my OH can easily stay up until 1am and still be bouncing around at 7am the next morning

Wonder_Womble

lisa26 wrote: »

I can cope better with being tired than I can with dealing with him when he's a grumpy beggar due to not having enough sleep!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: Me too!

mozzyc wrote: »

On the subject of yesterdays baby kicking/movements, i'm 31wks on Saturday, and I still hardly feel him. Only really when I lie down. Don't know if that's just because my placenta is anterior high? Or maybe he's just a lazy baby? Who knows......

As long as it is 'normal' for your baby then you are fine. Every pregnancy is different and your baby is probably walloping the life out of the placenta

I've had my upstairs carpets cleaned, done 2 loads of washing, sterilised all the kitchen benches and tiles, washed down all the cupboard fronts and appliances, washed out the bins, and cleaned the oven. I am pleased that that job is done and I'm pooped now. I'm off to the flicks soon with 2 of my nieces

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

OO

Maybe one of you will know

In my work contract it says i get any Bank Hol paid but i dont work them

Now - this doesnt ever "benefit" me as i never work a monday or friday

BUT

If i wasnt on Mat Leave i would get the Queens jubilee paid but have the day "off"

What happens to this as im on mat leave? Do i still get the benefit of the jubilee/bank hol?

Gillyx

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Ah but he hasnt said it - I did lol he's probably looking at it same point of view granted lol

i think every mother resents their OH at some point or other no matter how much sleep they get lol

I think - in the poters position - i would look at it ad hoc. As mentioned there is no reason he can't do feeds etc from "in from work" until 10pm and then mother takes over. Even at 10pm at night the baby COULD still be asleep and might well be for another few hours (So essentially the mum could sleep from say 7pm - 2am, with baby having last feed at 9pm, then sleep until say 2am for example, feed at 2am, wake again at 5am) also if the mother got into a routine of napping when the baby napped its easier (and would cause a lot less arguments) IMO.

If the mum is having a REALLY bad night then yes - OH should help. But i think it's too much to expect the help constantly at night when there are other alternatives (but thats just me lol)

I suppose so, I just feel we both made this baby, and I do expect the help, constantly.

My OH works shifts, so there would be no way for us to have set "you do the feeds between 7-11pm" for example, so we have to work around one another.

I feel I do alot for my other half, last night for example he had important work to do for uni, and I stood and ironed his work clothes for this morning, even though every movement was complete agony for me, I knew he needed them so I done it. I'd just like the same back, which I'm sure he will do anyway. Hopefully

And yes I think you will get the holiday! Or you should anyway.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Gillyx wrote: »

I suppose so, I just feel we both made this baby, and I do expect the help, constantly.

My OH works shifts, so there would be no way for us to have set "you do the feeds between 7-11pm" for example, so we have to work around one another.

I feel I do alot for my other half, last night for example he had important work to do for uni, and I stood and ironed his work clothes for this morning, even though every movement was complete agony for me, I knew he needed them so I done it. I'd just like the same back, which I'm sure he will do anyway. Hopefully

And yes I think you will get the holiday! Or you should anyway.

Ah see it is give and take - but I guess im naive in thinking that if the ladies do the night feeds whilst the Mr works then then Mr would show appreciation and do other things

In our house this is how we are working it:

OH obviously doesnt live with me and I have 4yo DD

DD is going to nursery 3 days a week giving me time with the baby and to do food shopping (online) etc

The other 2 days we will be spending it me, DD and baby

OH is staying 1 night during the week to bond with baby and also see me and DD. This night - HE will be looking after flump until his bed time, then i will take over.

at weekends - OH will look after baby for periods of time during the day so i can then spend time with 4yo and then he will do the care until bed time and i will take over.

I'm notorious for not eating - I just forget or cant be bothered so we're meal making/freezing in advance so this "doesnt" (yer right) happen. (Should add - i do obviously feed DD its just me lol)

ginvzt

Gillyx wrote: »

Exercise :rotfl: tell him if he can carry around 2 babies, work 12 hours like it seems you are and cope with all the hormone changes and can find the motivation for exercise you'l consider it!

I like this :rotfl:The thing is, we are both overweight (my BMI was about 28-29 before BFP, whilst his is over 40), and he is trying to make sure we are both fit enough to care for the baby. If only he stopped stuffing himself on food (we both love food...) and steeling my birthday chocolates! (not recent - it is just that I don't fancy chocolate anywhere near as much as I used to).

Lunch: reheated mashed potatoes with bacon bits and glass of milk... I could probably eat the whole pot of mash now, I love it!

Gillyx

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Ah see it is give and take - but I guess im naive in thinking that if the ladies do the night feeds whilst the Mr works then then Mr would show appreciation and do other things

In our house this is how we are working it:

OH obviously doesnt live with me and I have 4yo DD

DD is going to nursery 3 days a week giving me time with the baby and to do food shopping (online) etc

The other 2 days we will be spending it me, DD and baby

OH is staying 1 night during the week to bond with baby and also see me and DD. This night - HE will be looking after flump until his bed time, then i will take over.

at weekends - OH will look after baby for periods of time during the day so i can then spend time with 4yo and then he will do the care until bed time and i will take over.

I'm notorious for not eating - I just forget or cant be bothered so we're meal making/freezing in advance so this "doesnt" (yer right) happen. (Should add - i do obviously feed DD its just me lol)

I suppose it is what works for you and your OH/husband/partner whatever.

My sleep at the moment is so crap it's almost non existent, but I'm still doing everything around the house so OH doesn't have to. There's always food in the cupboard, his clothes are always washed and ironed, house is clean, he has 2/3 meals a day put on the table, even if he's working early/late. I also sort out all visits to HIS parents, birthdays, cards, presents etc.

So I'd hope (he better) in my time of need he'l take the reins a bit more, as I just don't think I'll be able to manage it with a new born.

On another note, our phone line has been fixed for 21 hours, and in that time virgin have phoned twice to try and "upgrade us" GET A SERVICE THAT WORKS AND WE'L CONSIDER IT!!!!