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Putting your childbearing days behind you

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  • geoffky
    geoffky Posts: 6,835 Forumite
    I can not wait until my 13 yrs old is old enough for us to be able to go travelling for months and months each year..That is why i do not want any more kids as that just resets the clock.
    It is nice to see the value of your house going up'' Why ?
    Unless you are planning to sell up and not live anywhere, I can;t see the advantage.
    If you are planning to upsize the new house will cost more.
    If you are planning to downsize your new house will cost more than it should
    If you are trying to buy your first house its almost impossible.
  • mammyof7 wrote: »
    I have six kids aged from five to sixteen and three years ago lost my much loved 7th baby just after he was born. Its a very long story, but basically i had a c section due to the baby being very ill. Everything that could have possibly gone wrong did and i ended up with a hysterectomy at the age of 30.

    To say i was devastated is an understatement!!. Losing my son was the worst pain ever, but the hysterectomy was exactly like another bereavement. It was totally unexpected even now nearly 4 years later i still have not come to terms with everything that happened.

    Of course i had the know - it - alls telling me "be grateful for the kids you have" and believe me i am!. But having the choice ripped away was something that i just couldnt deal with. Coming home from the hospital with absolutly nothing was one of the worst feelings possible.

    Anyways, fast forward a few years and i have now changed my life completely. I am currently in my second year of teacher training at university and love it! I dont think that i'll ever completely accept what happened, but i do understand that that part of my life is now over. That little boy changed my life forever and i'll try my darned hardest to make sure that a lot of good comes out of his short life.

    Also on the plus side, hubby is now having to take on a lot of the childcare. I,m sure that he actually looks forward to going to work now after dealing with half a dozen kids lol.

    I'm so sorry for your dreadful loss.
    Kay_Peel wrote: »
    We are lucky in many respects - some of us have been able to choose when and how many children we want. We don't usually die in childbirth and there is a good chance that our children will live to be adults. We have contraception, maternity services, access to abortions if required, assisted conceptions and a great deal of information on hand. It wasn't too long ago that childbirth was something to be feared. Child mortality was a fact of life for my ancestors. (Both my sets of grandparents lost children before the age of 9 to measles and TB). Childless couples had no hope of a baby unless they adopted.

    I was talking to a very elderly woman recently and she told me a story that shocked me. In the 1950s she was having difficulty conceiving and the consultant organised an operation to 'unblock her tubes'. After the operation he told her that everything had gone according to plan and that he would see her in three months.

    She went to see the consultant and was on top of the world because, finally and after so many years, she was pregnant. He said: "Don't be ridiculous woman. I removed your womb. It was useless and you're better off without it." In those days consultants were unaccountable and acted like gods. It wasn't done to question them - they knew best. He dismissed her and she collapsed outside.

    When I think of what mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers went through, I count my blessings. (Two!)

    How dreadful, what an awful man. I disagree that abortion is any kind of a good thing, though.
    Those feelings are very hard to ignore,I could literally feel my womb twanging at the sight of a newborn,so difficult to describe.
    I had three very close together (16 month age gaps) then spent over 4 years trying for another whilst everyone around us told us we were mad.We were told to be grateful for those we had which I found THE most ridiculous thing anyone could say because blatantly our kids are our lives and we are very very grateful for them!
    Anyway eventually we ended up at a very blunt fertility consultant who took one look at me and my BMI of 35 or so and told me to come back when I'd lost 3 stone and could show I was serious~she actually laughed with the reg sat next to her as we went and said " we won't be seeing them again":o.So that night hubby and I joined Slimming world,hubby booked an appt at the smoking cessation clinic and I joined the local gym/pool.
    Fast forward 5 months and there we were at the gobsmacked cons desk with me having lost 4.5 stone and hubby 2 stone lighter and a non smoker :D Two courses of clomid later and here I am 25 weeks pregnant with a baby boy due on new years eve:D The kids are so excited about a baby arriving and talking to bump all the time.
    So I was one of the ladies who couldn't ignore the feelings so can't give any advice really :p

    Congratulations:j:j:j
    Please do not confuse me with other gratefulsforhelp. x
  • hi all. im 44 and have 5 children aged 12 18 20 21 and 22. i am very blessed.

    however i have always longed for more. if i had had a husband that agreed im sure we could have rivalled the duggers lol.

    ill be honest earlier this year i actually thought i was pregnant despite hubby having a vasectomy just after our youngest was born. i was actually quite excited but realistically it would be incredibly hard. the demands of adult children are very different to that of young children but nevertheless there are demands there. we would have managed but as it turned out our lives have not changed beyond all comprehension.

    we do have a grand daughter and it is completely different to being a mummy. i dont worry about her or miss her when she is not here like you do with your own children. i love her and enjoy having her but she is completely exhausting. im delighted when she visits but equally delighted when she goes home.

    i suppose acceptance of childbearing days being over is a gradual thing. probably up until five years ago i would have said id love one but each passing month/year makes it less appealing. there are so many other things i want to do with my life now xxx
  • DON79
    DON79 Posts: 3,842 Forumite
    I have three lovely children, the youngest now only a year old and am 32 years old. I am at the stage where I dread becoming pregnant again as I know in my head that three children is enough and we can live happily and comfortably with our three. However my heart thinks about the what if's and if I would ever want another child in the future.

    At the moment I definitely do not want it and I want a more permanent method of preventing it but am not sure I could go as far as sterilization....

    I think it must be fighting against instinct in some way to make a conscious decision to stop having children after x amount.
    BSC #215/No.1 Jan 09 Club
  • Philippa36
    Philippa36 Posts: 6,007 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    I am 41 and I took my daughter to university yesterday - she's 19 so I did get an extra year while she did an art foundation before leaving to go in to Uni halls. My son, almost 22, lives with his girlfriend and stays here occasionally. I miss them both being around the house and although I always thought I would have a large family, I only fell pregnant twice and since then, no more.

    I have been considering getting a dog because I am so broody, but then the thoughts of broken nights, working and looking after a baby, whilst keeping everything else going just seems a crazy idea! I can't really get a pet either as it wouldn't be fair - we both work full time and are out of the house for long days. I also think that I will start being a little more selfish and doing the things that I want to do without having to think of anyone else. We're off on holiday on Wednesday for a week and can shut up the house without worrying about leaving teenagers behind!

    I guess it is a gradual thing and I am enjoying the time I have now before I become a granny :eek: and then life will change again.
    “I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.”
    Kurt Vonnegut
  • Anyone thinking of getting a puppy, in the first few weeks you will be up with them every bit as much as a newborn. First few moonths, really. x
    Please do not confuse me with other gratefulsforhelp. x
  • AnGee
    AnGee Posts: 89 Forumite
    I just read the whole of this thread - feeling very emotional now!

    I had my first child at 26, after 2 years of trying. I then had my second 2 years later. I always wanted more and about 10-12 years ago suggested (repeatedly) to my husband that we have another. He was not so keen at the time, so we just carried on.

    I'm now 46. Lo and behold, about a year ago my husband decided now would be a good time to have a baby! I don't think he realises how old I am!

    Like Philippa, I took my 18 year old to Uni at the weekend. I'm going to miss her so much! I truly wish I'd had another (maybe 2 more).

    I have a cat - I love him to bits and he's a particularly lovely cat. I'm considering childminding. I love looking after young children. If we had more room in the house, I would consider fostering. It's something I've always thought I'd love to do.

    Looking forward to being a grandma one day.
  • I'm 29 and have given birth to 3 children in my time my first my only DD was stillborn when I was 31wks pregnant due to an undiagnosed uterine infection. I went on to have 2 boys who are now aged 8yrs and 4yrs all three of my children were fathered by my ex husband we seperated 3 and a half years ago after he cheated on me for the umpteenth time.

    When we seperated I resigned myself to having my two boys and being happy with it it was hard work doing it on my own and I swore I'd never be left holding the baby again I'd just started my nurse training which I'd always dreamed of doing when he left us and I chose to continue with it despite what he had done. I took three weeks leave from uni dusted myself off and started my new life as a single studying mum.

    Fast forward a year and I met my current OH he is a lovely genuine man he accepted my boys as his own and he has been a perfect father figure to them and supports us in ways I never imagined. He has always wanted kids and whilst he loves the bones of my two he always wanted his own biological children, having seen how he is with the boys and knowing how he feels about parenting we decided to try for a baby and I am delighted to say I am expecting our first child together and currently 21wks pregnant with another little boy.

    We have recently discussed the possibility of another child after this one is born I don't feel like I am finished yet, the trouble is I am still trying to work out if it is because I really do want another baby or if its because I specifically want a baby girl :( I am truly blessed to have my boys and I love them dearly I'd love to raise a DD and this is why I am trying to work it all out in my head atm because if the only reasn for having another child is the chance to have a DD then it is unfair to do it. On the other hand if I come to the conclusion that I don't care either way then I think that I really do just want to be a mummy of four.

    I hate myself sometimes for even admitting that but I got so close to having a baby girl and then a chance infection and poor medical staff robbed me of her being here and I have never really gotten over it. I know how much some people would be glad to have just one child of either sex and that is where my guilt comes from I am so lucky to have my boys they are fantastic and fill my life with happiness and joy and even before meeting OH when I was on my own and struggling I wouldn't have changed things for a second they really did help me through it all and our bond strengthened incredibly during that time this longing for a girl will not go away though and the thought that it may never happen really gets me down sometimes.

    xx
    :AMummy to my angel DD Born 02/02 will never forget my angel:A
    :jTwo very special DS born 02/03 and 03/07:j
    :DExpecting the arrival of our baby boy 28/01/12:D
  • Amanda so sorry for your dreadful loss, but Congratulations!
    Please do not confuse me with other gratefulsforhelp. x
  • 3v3
    3v3 Posts: 1,444 Forumite
    jackomk wrote: »
    I would like to know the answer to this too....at 43 with a 23yr old and 14yr old. I had lots of problems between and after having them, but sometimes the yearning to carry another child overwhelms me. So how do you get past that and realize you have had your time ??
    I would suggest reading the "Menopause" thread and imagine rearing a youngster while experiencing the menopause ... ;) Great leveller :D
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