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Putting your childbearing days behind you

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  • merlot123
    merlot123 Posts: 720 Forumite
    edited 16 September 2011 at 6:05PM
    I have two children, one fourteen and one 12 years of age.

    Until recently, I so much wanted a third, but I gave myself a few months and if I still felt the same I would have mentioned it to DH.

    But, six months on, I no longer want anymore, DH and I go out for breakfast once a month, dinner once a month on our own, my DD is very responsible and looks after 12 year old for a max couple of hours with mobile contact if needed. (We only go into the local town, 10 min car trip away) its lovely to have couple time, it's almost like dating again.

    It is essential couples make time to be on their own as the children are getting older, we have never had that in fourteen years, as we don't have family around to childmind and I have never used a babysitter.

    I can't recommend popping out for couple time enough once your eldest is old enough to look after the younger children.
  • try fostering, there are plenty of children which need parents who are willing to look after them?
  • gunsandbanjos
    gunsandbanjos Posts: 12,246 Forumite
    PPI Party Pooper
    edited 16 September 2011 at 6:47PM
    I have one lovely 7 year old and wont be having anymore much as i would like them. She has a multitude of medical issues which have impacted heavily on her life and ours. My husband and i have decided that it is not worth the risk that we would have another child with similar issues as we would not want to put another child through all the pain and procedures DD has to endure. Having seen genetic specialists they have said her issues have a high possibility of being genetic.

    My brother's girlfriend is due on monday and i had a little cry while shopping for a present for their baby:(
    The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
    Bertrand Russell
  • merlin68
    merlin68 Posts: 2,405 Forumite
    Just remember the sleepless nights, the poo and sick, no money, no social life. The worst of the terrible twos and a messy house. Should soon put you of.
    Mine are 19, 15 and 13.
  • I know this feeling well, seeing recently most of my close friends all having there 3rd babies has left me very topsy turvy about how i feel about another one.

    I'm 29 and have a 9yr old and a 7yr old and the thought of never having another baby make me sooo sad yet at the same time i KNOW OH does not want another baby and that having one more would then result in 2 more as he and i just know what im like!

    I also seeing my friends with there babies and the sleepless nights, poo, sick and all else that comes with it am grateful that my 2 are older and can see our life together as a couple beyond the children and looking forward to trips abroad and doing all the things we missed out on as we had the kids when we where young.

    One day i feel fine about it next i feel terribly sad about it.....OH's answer.................get a dog!! :)
    TUFKA - Lyndsay_21
  • betsie
    betsie Posts: 434 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    I do think it is an age thing, I am 41 and am getting the baby urge less now. I think it because you know you won't have that choice for much longer. I get very envious when I see mums breast feeding as I loved that special time with my two when they needed me so much.
    But, I now work at a pre-school and am glad to get home for some peace, I know I couldn't stand the sleepless nights (my wrinkles and grey hairs are bad enough already) and I am always running my older two around to various clubs and helping with homework, I can't imagine doing this with a baby.
    Like someone else said, I got a puppy - he is the best thing ever. Lots of fun and cuddles, and even better he doesn't moan, keep me up all night, have dirty nappies or loads of plastic toys.
  • I'm 29 and have a 9yr old and a 7yr old and the thought of never having another baby make me sooo sad yet at the same time i KNOW OH does not want another baby and that having one more would then result in 2 more as he and i just know what im like!



    One day i feel fine about it next i feel terribly sad about it.....OH's answer.................get a dog!! :)

    I'm the same age as you, we have 2 cats, they are not quite the same as a baby but they'll do:)
    The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
    Bertrand Russell

  • I'm 29 and have a 9yr old and a 7yr old and the thought of never having another baby make me sooo sad yet at the same time i KNOW OH does not want another baby and that having one more would then result in 2 more as he and i just know what im like!


    My mother says the decision for her was between 2 children and 4 - my sister and I are very close in age, then there's a 4 year gap, then my other sister and brother with 18 months between them.
    ...much enquiry having been made concerning a gentleman, who had quitted a company where Johnson was, and no information being obtained; at last Johnson observed, that 'he did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.
  • im a bit younger than everyone else who posted so far but im going through similar to everyone.

    im 26 and ive 2 kids aged 2 and 5 and when the youngest was 6 weeks i left their father. im thinking i cannot do this again and have another child which i may have to bring up alone if the relationship ends but on the other hand i would love to be pregnant with a baby whose father actually takes an interest, who will support me through the pregnancy and birth and afterwards and have a little sister (or brother) for my boys.

    i am not the best pregnant person, i suffer severe sickness that hospitalised me both times and caused an early labour with DS2 (luckily they stopped it, i was 7 months when it happened) and i saw how being so ill for the whole time affected DS1 and i dont know if i could do that to both of them again but if i had a supportive partner this time it wouldnt be so hard.

    for me the fear of having another baby lies in my fear of the relationship breaking down but i understand the turmoil and the yearning for another child but the "practicalities" of life and circumstances putting doubts on everything. wish there was a way to get make sense of it all and deal with it.
  • I have six kids aged from five to sixteen and three years ago lost my much loved 7th baby just after he was born. Its a very long story, but basically i had a c section due to the baby being very ill. Everything that could have possibly gone wrong did and i ended up with a hysterectomy at the age of 30.

    To say i was devastated is an understatement!!. Losing my son was the worst pain ever, but the hysterectomy was exactly like another bereavement. It was totally unexpected even now nearly 4 years later i still have not come to terms with everything that happened.

    Of course i had the know - it - alls telling me "be grateful for the kids you have" and believe me i am!. But having the choice ripped away was something that i just couldnt deal with. Coming home from the hospital with absolutly nothing was one of the worst feelings possible.

    Anyways, fast forward a few years and i have now changed my life completely. I am currently in my second year of teacher training at university and love it! I dont think that i'll ever completely accept what happened, but i do understand that that part of my life is now over. That little boy changed my life forever and i'll try my darned hardest to make sure that a lot of good comes out of his short life.

    Also on the plus side, hubby is now having to take on a lot of the childcare. I,m sure that he actually looks forward to going to work now after dealing with half a dozen kids lol.
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