Putting your childbearing days behind you

gratefulforhelp_2

If you find out how to deal with it will you let me know pls?

Just had #3 at 39, DH went for vasectomy and THEY COULDN'T DO IT. Something to do with complicated twisted tubes...did God intervene?

I'm so sad at the thought of no more, but the impact on the three who are here, plus the trauma of miscarriage with pregnancy #3 are probably enough to stop me.

Mopsypops

I know how you feel, Im 28 and I have two amazing children (a boy and a girl aged 8 and 4) that im soo proud off, I love them with all my heart and soul but Im soooo broody its unreal!

Hubby started a new job in Jan so we're better off money wise than we have ever been, We've even started saving for a mortgage as we rent privately just now!

At the moment im a stay at home mum and next year when my youngest starts school im going to go back to college to re-train as a nursery nurse so I would have to delay that for a year or so,

Sometimes I think we should forget about it (having another) and give the two kids (that we're really lucky to have!) the best life we possibly can and with 2 we could afford better holidays, toys, clothes etc (I know its not all about money but its nice not to be struggling all the time!)

I also sadly suffered a full natural miscarriage @ 10 weeks in Dec 09 which was horrific, I had to be rushed into hospital during the night due to the blood loss and I really dont know if I could put myself through that again!

I had c sections with both kids so I would be having another which means at least 3 days in hospital!

Hubby and I dont get much time to ourselves, My son has only stayed out overnight once and it was the first night my daughter was born (my mum took him for a night) and my daughter has never stayed out but then their my kids and I had them so i'll look after them plus my mum has a drink problem so dont like them going there at all and if me and hubby do get a rare visit to the cinema I ask my mum to come to mine as I know there isnt any drink in my house!!

As someone else said going back to nappies, breast feeding, potty training etc would be hard.....but it would be soo worth it!!

I talk myself in and out of it all the time!!

Maybe I should just be grateful for what we have and enjoy things as they are and look forward to becoming auntie one day?

Good luck with whatever you decide

x

JodyBPM

OP, I'm the same age as you, but have much younger children, a 5 & a 6 year old.

I'm pretty sure that our family is complete, I decided that once our second was born. Having said that, I went for a reversible form of contraception (Minerva) rather than a permanent one, just in case!

Recently I've been getting twitchy. A good friend of mine (same age) has just had a miscarriage and I think it brought home to me that if I do want another child, its now or never, as I'm knocking on a bit. In all honesty, I'm pretty sure I don't want one, but its still hard to accept that I will be closing the door on that period of my life.

I think that the end of a chapter in your life will always bring some sadness, but I think that these feelings will pass.

Mad4camping

I have similar feelings all your hearfelt thoughts resonate. I am 34

We were told that we could never have children just after we were married 13 yrs ago. We were both in our very early 20's. This was after we had planned to be "The waltons" mark 2. We were devastated. This news came to us after several heart breaking miscarriages after the 16 week mark. We went to ground and recouped and went on with our lives. Then we had a surprise that i was pregnant again and that we went on to pass the 16 week mark each day i didnt bleed was a blessing. Our dearest daughter is now nearly 10. She was and still is our perfect miracle. She has allways made us proud and continues to be a source of daily laughter. After this addition to our family we could not have wanted more. We had got more than we had hoped for or even thought was within our grasp. Distressingly we lost another 3 babies again after the 16 week mark and further. We underwent genetic tesing and all sorts of hosptial stays as the more miscarrriages i had the worse they were. We were both fit and healthy and they couldnt find a reason as to why we couldnt keep hold of our babies. We grew strong as a trio. Our lives moved forward enjoying this beautiful unexpected gift. I fell pregnant again and i cried so hard for i knew i was to lose this one again, the pain in preparing for this loss was ulmost umbearable. I was in such a dark place and the only ray of hope was our little girl. Our darling little boy is now 6 years old. I am about to have a full hysterectomy in a few weeks. I feel .... i don't know how to explain. lost. I guess. Our children have never given us a day of bother they are kind gentle natured ,fun and are everything that children are supposed to be. They are an utter delight. Our lives are better for having them in it. Yet the sense of future loss is un explainable...I know we cant have more, but. A hole is growing. My husband who has allways been a support and intruitive when i needed him to be, i feel my fickle body has robbed him. He is a great father and i see his face become pained when he holds little ones or hears the cry of a baby that needs a cuddle when were are out. That part has become more painfull for me as he tries to hide ihis feelings to spare my feelings. Its his pain i have difficulty in dealling with. I cant help him or ease his sorrow. I am so sorry for rambling on.

gratefulforhelp_2

God bless, mad4camping your post made me blub.

MissMotivation

Mad4camping your post has made me cry, *hugs*

I have a 13 year old DD and up until this year never wanted anymore children. This year I have I have seen my Sister go through a miscarriage (luckily she is 20 weeks pregnant again now), a friend's little boy stillborn at 6 months and my best friend giving birth to a beautiful baby girl, I feel myself yearning for another child. I'm also single at the moment (I've brought up my DD single handedly for 13 years) which is not ideal but I often sit here wondering whether it's too late (I'm 37)

heretolearn_2

I don't get that way myself so I can't understand how you feel, but could you think about fostering/adoption of an older child? There's so many who are crying out for a loving home. You've finished with bio kids, but you can still parent them. The satisfaction of giving them a second chance would be a bonus!

neverdespairgirl

Have you thought about childminding, or becoming a nanny?

LEJC

I've got a 13 year old too....and fleetingly I often think of little pink toes and fingers...then I remember the sleepless nights we had too...so I now look forward to spending more quality time with my husband...date nights and a bit of me time!

Fizzpop

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

If you find out how to deal with it will you let me know pls?

Snap, im 34 and just had my 4th and last baby i was sterilised this time round, but i would have loved to have had 5 and 6 but due to miscarrages and c/sections i have had to hold my hands up and say my body can take no more, But it doesnt stop the tears.