DD Self Harming

fannyanna

EDIT: cross posted with your post above and it's clear you're well ahead of the game :-)



I'm sure you've already done this but can I make one more suggestion....

Make sure she knows 100% that if and when she's ever ready to get professional support she just needs to say the word and that you'll be there for her to help arrange everything.

I remember for a long time just wanting someone to ask if I needed help. I knew I desperately needing help but there was no way on earth I could actually come out and ask for it.

If you find that she starts doing things and making you aware of them please know that it's her way of asking for help.

For me I kept everything a secret for a very long time. Once my Mum finally became aware I then did things a bit less discrete in the hope that she would cotton on to the fact that I needed help.

At the moment I think you're being wonderfully supportive though whilst maintaining the right balance to ensure you're not pressuring her.

pinkshoes

Hi Moments_of_Sanity.

I can probably give you a bit of advice.

I used to self harm. I can't remember exactly when I started, but probably around the age of 9 or 10; I remember using the back of a hairbrush and whacking my arm with it until it was black and blue. I remember spells of unhappiness as a child, but couldn't tell you why, as other than my dad being a workaholic and my mum being somewhat pushy with very high expectations sometimes, I had a nice upbringing.

In early teens I used to burn myself with lighters, pinching, bruising. I also used to cut, but not until mid to late teens.

When I was 20, I made a mess of my arm with a knife. I was angry about something, and rather than lashing out on the people that made me angry, or expressing anger in a different way, I took it out on my self. Low self esteem. A feeling of being useless.

I also have deep scars on my leg.

I saw a therapist, and thought she was a patronising b*tch, which made me feel worse, so I perhaps wouldn't bother going down that route. I can honestly say it can make things worse.

I think my turning point was a friend dying of cancer, and something changed in me. I'm now a very happy person, not in the slightest bit negative, very confident, and I NEVER let people walk all over me any more.

If it's a control and anger thing, then perhaps find a different outlet for it. Something that will give her confidence and she'll enjoy and maybe meet a different circle of friends that will change her view of the world.

I wish you luck. I'm not sure if my parents even know I used to self harm, as I kept it will hidden with long sleeves, and avoiding swimming.

I am still very much ashamed of the deep scar on my leg, and still do avoid swimming!

moments_of_sanity

fannyanna wrote: »

EDIT: cross posted with your post above and it's clear you're well ahead of the game :-)



I'm sure you've already done this but can I make one more suggestion....

Make sure she knows 100% that if and when she's ever ready to get professional support she just needs to say the word and that you'll be there for her to help arrange everything.

I remember for a long time just wanting someone to ask if I needed help. I knew I desperately needing help but there was no way on earth I could actually come out and ask for it.

If you find that she starts doing things and making you aware of them please know that it's her way of asking for help.

For me I kept everything a secret for a very long time. Once my Mum finally became aware I then did things a bit less discrete in the hope that she would cotton on to the fact that I needed help.

At the moment I think you're being wonderfully supportive though whilst maintaining the right balance to ensure you're not pressuring her.

All suggestions gratefully received, thank you very much

I have told her that if she needs to speak with someone about it then to let me know. I'm aware I am probably not the person she will want to discuss it in real detail with, who wants to speak with their Mum and I am OK with that, I will do what ever is best for my DD

moments_of_sanity

pinkshoes wrote: »

Hi Moments_of_Sanity.

I can probably give you a bit of advice.

I used to self harm. I can't remember exactly when I started, but probably around the age of 9 or 10; I remember using the back of a hairbrush and whacking my arm with it until it was black and blue. I remember spells of unhappiness as a child, but couldn't tell you why, as other than my dad being a workaholic and my mum being somewhat pushy with very high expectations sometimes, I had a nice upbringing.

In early teens I used to burn myself with lighters, pinching, bruising. I also used to cut, but not until mid to late teens.

When I was 20, I made a mess of my arm with a knife. I was angry about something, and rather than lashing out on the people that made me angry, or expressing anger in a different way, I took it out on my self. Low self esteem. A feeling of being useless.

I also have deep scars on my leg.

I saw a therapist, and thought she was a patronising b*tch, which made me feel worse, so I perhaps wouldn't bother going down that route. I can honestly say it can make things worse.

I think my turning point was a friend dying of cancer, and something changed in me. I'm now a very happy person, not in the slightest bit negative, very confident, and I NEVER let people walk all over me any more.

If it's a control and anger thing, then perhaps find a different outlet for it. Something that will give her confidence and she'll enjoy and maybe meet a different circle of friends that will change her view of the world.

I wish you luck. I'm not sure if my parents even know I used to self harm, as I kept it will hidden with long sleeves, and avoiding swimming.

I am still very much ashamed of the deep scar on my leg, and still do avoid swimming!

Pinkshoes - thank you so much for your post and for someone else to confirm that sometimes they do these things when they are sad but don't know why they are sad - as an adult we think everything has to have a reason, whereas in reality for a teenager it might not!

She is an absolute sweetie but is a 'push over' for people so she definately needs to work on that one! Her Sister volunteers for a horse riding school that runs a group for disabled children and my youngest one adores children - she has asked to go and join the group every other week so it will be great for her to go and help out, she will have her older sister there if she needs her but will get to see all the lovely kids that attend.

I am so glad to hear things have worked out well for your now, it really gives me hope that DD will eventually be able to stop this cutting, it breaks me heart to think of her doing that to herself as she is such a lovely girl - funny, caring, thoughtful, artisitic and most of all my little girl

System

Can i recommend Rescue Oil (cheap version of bio oil), got it from either bodycare or home bargains. I had a bad episode of SH a few weeks ago and have been using it and have noticed it helping.

Matt74

So, how's her condition right now?In a gradual process she will surely overcome that problem also. Your guidance, understanding and advice included here her counselor is a big help in order for to bring back her normal life and start a living as a newly renewed person.

moments_of_sanity

Matt74 wrote: »

So, how's her condition right now?In a gradual process she will surely overcome that problem also. Your guidance, understanding and advice included here her counselor is a big help in order for to bring back her normal life and start a living as a newly renewed person.

She seems to be in a 'good place' at the moment thanks, we are trying to get her out of her room more or at least make sure we go in a visit more often. She is definately being a lot more social and has taken up her knitting again (I know strange thing for a 14 year old but she loves it).

Had to take the dogs to a trainer today and she wanted to come with us, which for her is a first. It's a long time since she wanted to do anything with us at all and I think because we don't keep going on at her about it (in fact not been mentioned since Saturday) she is more keen to spend time with us.

Baby steps but we will get there in the end.

elfen

Weirdly, another one she might like to try is cross stitch to a pattern. It makes you concentrate and it can be done in short bursts (which is what I do when I need to)

moments_of_sanity

elfen wrote: »

Weirdly, another one she might like to try is cross stitch to a pattern. It makes you concentrate and it can be done in short bursts (which is what I do when I need to)

That's a fantastic idea, thank you very much. I do cross stitch and have a bookmark kit she could do, will go and find it now......:D

Keeping_Motivated

Hi I just wanted to say that I think you are doing amazing well the way you have reacted and the way you are treating your daughter. It can't be easy for you but its obvious how much you are putting aside your feelings to make sure you support your daughter needs the best you can with the limited knowledge you have.

I saw this journal a while ago and like the idea and even though it doesn't focus on self harm I wondered if it would be a good source for you and your daughter to communicate and express yourselves, I will put the link below, it doesn't have any reviews on Amazon UK but it does on the US site so I will link the reviews too.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Just-Between-Us-No-Stress-No-Rules/dp/0811868958

http://www.amazon.com/Just-Between-Us-No-Stress-No-Rules/product-reviews/0811868958/ref=sr_1_1_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1